Toxic Masculinity

Toxic Masculinity
It’s a thing perhaps in the latino culture that we just brush to the side and ‘think nothing of it’
But working with Dominican men I hear things all the time 
Things that are not ok and yet these men find it funny or absolutely normal 

Makes me fee like I have to stand on a soap box with a megaphone letting people know what’s going on 

And yet some just keep on walking by at times while I’m saying what I have to say because I feel strongly about what’s going on 

Like I’m in a loop where I’m the only one that sees certain things apparently and others may think I’m weird or crazy 

Perhaps a little bit of both and maybe I am 

I cannot tell 

May be you can 

So while I’m at work this the conversation seems to turn to me and how I should act towards men 

Because as a woman in 2022 we have the power to make men bend to our will & call or so I’m told 

However I don’t know of a man that I want to personally do my bidding if I’m honest 

And then it was said ‘man if I were younger I would impregnate you and then leave you!’ 

What on the good Lord’s green earth is that?

How does another human being think this let alone say it out loud and other men are silent which lets me know that apparently they agree 

It should not be so challenging to be of the female gender yet some men really are d!cks! 

The fact that a man would even be so vile to want to hurt a woman by abandoning her with his child on purpose is mind-blowing 

Why would you want to do that ON PURPOSE???

What goes through this man’s mind to think this through? 

What does he gain out of making someone endure the physical changes that come with pregnancy, childbirth and then want this woman to raise a child on her own just because?

This is an act of violence against a woman any way you look at it by the simple fact that this man uses something that’s supposed to be beautiful (welcoming life into this world) into an act of pain and suffering knowing how hard it is to be a single mother

Why????

What is it with men?

How do they not realize that they were born from a mother? 

A woman carried them and nurtured them in their womb! 

And yet they know not how to value the amazing sex that is FEMALE 

Mind boggling and preposterous at the same time

No cliff hangers, just thoughts of wonder on how this happens…

-Bionica

Coach P

 This time, when I went to the post office 

I was ready

My package was already in the envelope with a label on it with the address 

All I had to do was stand in line and wait my turn 

And there he was 

Coach P

I know this because the back of his white sweatshirt said Coach P— in black letters

What did I know about Coach P?

That he most likely drove in to the post office because as cold as it was

The man wasn’t wearing anything else but a sweatshirt and sweat pants 

No hat, no gloves, no scarf 

A risk taker if you ask me 

He was also very bold

Because I saw him holding the roll of tap from hand to hand 

As his exposed teeth went in for the tear 

What a guy! 

A strong one I tell you 

And one that smells really good 

Because as soon as I walked in my nostrils caught a whiff of Coach P

His cologne hugged everyone there 

Enveloping us like a hug from your crush that makes you smile inside 

Feels so nice… 

And I thought about how perhaps years ago 

I would have stolen a few looks hoping to get his attention 

But now it’s just like 

Oh, looks nice—

Back to my business 

My how things change… 

Bionica

I want to know–

It appears–well no, it doesn’t appear 

It just so happens that in a period of 4 days I received 4 unsolicited pictures from a man with no shirt  that was making a kissing face at the camera 

In one instance he asked ‘like what you see?’ And I didn’t now what to say 

So I said ‘of course’ but what was I supposed to say?

Nothing and ignore someone like the times my texts messages have been ignored

Or do I say something, just anything?

What was I supposed to say? 

‘Um no, not really. Put a shirt a on. And why are you sending these?’

Honestly, why was he sending them?

They were random snaps out of the blue with the conversation that went

‘Hey love, good morning’ or ‘how is your day going?’ Followed by short replies of ‘fine’ ‘all is well’ or my favorite ‘can’t complain’

Could that be secret code for ‘show me the d’?

Because if it is, I didn’t know… 

Oh and there’s more to add to the pot 

He sent a random message at night with a picture saying it was a ‘pant-less’ party 

Um excuse me? A what?

I’m trying to be cool and just ignore here and keep even more distance so I didn’t say anything but really?

But I guess that wasn’t enough because he asked if that scared me off

To which I replied I’m sorry, but let’s keep the pants on 

I don’t feel comfortable going to a ‘pant-less’ party 

And if I were, the person would know darn well that I’m the one initiating it ;)

What is it with boys being weird?

Can we be adults and try to at least flirt 

If know one is flirting back it means ‘back off’ not send me pictures and stay out of my dm 

And so I wondered who in his past let him think this was ok 

Girl made a mistake because now that boy will be the weird guy that sends duckface pictures 

Pero like, why?

I’m still wondering… 

-Bionica 

Life

It was hard 

Hard to do all the time 

To be a parent to someone that is supposed to be your partner 

To someone that is supposed to be your equal 

It became too much 

To make up in all the places where his parents lacked 

To mother a grown man pushing 30 was a responsibility she no longer wanted to take on 

She was tired of repeating directions the way the a kindergarten teacher repeats the abc’s 

It was not a song that she wanted to sing 

She was over it 

She realized like so many before her, that all her efforts would never take flight on her 

But another…

Another that would receive everything she worked so hard to make better

Kind of like a potter 

That spins the wheel to mold the clay, that borrows the air to dry the clay and then uses the brush to paint the clay and borrows the heat to seal in the color 

So much efforts done for a piece that will be given away 

But she wasn’t a potter 

She did not want to give away her efforts 

She did not another to reap her harvest 

But it was too late of course 

The efforts she made will make a change 

As soon as she were to walk away 

He would see it all clearly 

Everything that she said 

The words that rose above in her silence 

He would hear it all 

He would use them all and be that person 

The right person a little too late

To belong to another…

Bionica