Aparte

It wasn’t a break-up because they weren’t together 

It was more of a hook-up 

Two people coming together perhaps precisely for that reason 

To make each other reach a peak that they hadn’t before or at least not in a while 

Nonetheless, the break-up of the hook-up was sudden although expected 

Sudden because there were no words communicated to indicate that a sudden halt was coming 

An abrupt stop that would make the tea sets on any moving train rattle if they didn’t shatter upon reaching the floor

Their floor? Hunter green sheets of a polyester blend most likely

Smelling of a laundry detergent I couldn’t decipher with a softness that went unnoticed during the course of events 

Where everything just ended there 

Upon a plush mattress simply holding two people together 

Maybe having them sink within before coming together to move apart once again 

The results on the symbolic floor of a mattress were not what either expected but perhaps more than they thought 

That sometimes two people are just best apart while forming part of something greater in life 

Coming together to point out small things that only they can see so that later on they could show it to the rest of world 

Making the lens of the kaleidoscope different and all the more interesting 

Just because…  

-Bionica

Palabras No Dichas

 No te voy a decir que cada vez que tomo pienso en ti o que me emborracho en tu nombre 

No te lo voy decir porque no hace falta 

No te lo voy a decir porque hay muchas cosas que tu aun no me has dicho aunque falten por decir 

Pero hablando sola me pregunto ¿porqué no has hablado conmigo?

¿Porqué no me has buscado cuando tuviste el tiempo? 

¿Porqué le sigo dando vueltas a lo de nosotros en mi cabeza? 

Yo pensando que estaba mal

Yo pensando que hice algo malo y que tal vez por eso te fuiste 

Pero la verdad es que no fue algo mío pero tal vez algo tuyo y de los dos 

Tal vez tu fallo fue no hablar y contarme lo que pensabas y lo que sentías 

Tal vez tu fallo fue el no ser honesto contigo y conmigo 

Si hubiéramos hablado mas otra cosa sería pero ¿y ahora qué? 

¿Qué nos toca?

Ahora ¿qué hacemos?

¿Ahora qué hago con esos mensajes que me no me has mandado con el teléfono en la mano y el whisky en la mesa, con los ojos cerrados pensando en nosotros? 

¿Ahora qué hago cuando escuche ‘Volverte A Ver’ y no pueda tocar otra canción?

No te lo voy a decir porque tal vez ni tu mismo sepas 

Lo que vas sentir y aun no contarme… 

Bionica 

Learning

For a birthday in her 20s a friend gave her a special card 

A card that read ‘keep following your heart and everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to’ which come to think about it, she may have forgotten to do 

The heart is the best GPS, but she seemed to have forgotten that along the way to this present day 

In the card her friend wished success and happiness and that her dreams would come true 

That was the year that she met them 

The loves that would mark her life forever 

First she met 1 shortly after asking G-d that the man that was to come into her life would see her looking ok, because if he liked her with her hair a mess, then he would like her for real 

She also asked for someone that was her age and as G-d would have it, 1 came into her life 

It was a surprise to her, one that she welcomed although unsure of what to do and what to say 

She felt shy all of a sudden and couldn’t get the words out to say much to him, but at the same time she wished that 1 would be initiate the conversation 

Instead what went on between the two was a silent exchange of energy in which words were not needed

It was all in the way they looked at each other and the comfort that they felt 

For the first time ever, she felt like staying and she couldn’t believe it 

How was it that this was finally happening to her 

Moments of sweetness in which the two were together, holding one another cheek to cheek

But she was overthinking and at the moment in which he was going to turn his face to kiss her she moved 

She thought about the people around them and not about the moment being lived 

Perhaps within their language without words it was lost that she had romanticized a relationship and how things should really happen 

Perhaps if she would have told him he would have listened and would have done things differently 

But she didn’t and maybe he got tired of trying 

But she always kept on waiting 

As she waited she met 2 who really felt for her but caught up in 1 she didn’t know what to do 

Still she gave it a try without really giving all that she could 

Thinking of 1 she lost out on 2 but she learned that both would have a hold on her ever flowing love 

She learned that with 1 she needed more confidence in the person she was, is and would become 

With 2 she learned to take the present moment for what it is and live it 

From both she learned that love is beautiful and best when shared 

She has learned to be in the moment, give the best of herself even if the other is not prepared 

Because in her best is where the truth of her love stands 

Beginning with the self and flowing to the rest 

-Bionica

10:56pm 

Seek & Find

There is always a reward in the leaps we take because once we jump we know that we at least made an effort and if it works out, we have a plus to add to our story 

And so she went for it and took a leap 

She took a chance and wrote a “Dear John” letter and sent it out to the world

A page with words full of hope, wonder and a few questions to be asked 

Shortly after she received a response!

She was surprised and relieved at the same time because it’s always nice when friendships last the test of time 

See, for her it wasn’t about the romance but about the person that had so much to share 

Experiences lived with stories to tell 

It’s always about the person and the coming together of two worlds building on friendship 

Knowing that people can still come together to share great conversation in simplicity 

But alas something must have happened along the way 

As quickly as he replied, his messages stopped 

They didn’t get lost, they just stopped 

It happens in life, with out any clue or reason 

Things just disappear, and then the question is 

What to do?…

-Bionica

Encountered Treasure

Not exactly a love letter but a kind email circa September of 2008 

From a sailor friend made that very year during New York’s Fleet Week

An interesting experience to meet this kind young man all dressed in white

When his skin made me think ‘lobster red’ from being out in the sun so long 

He had asked me for my newly gotten phone number and I didn’t know it just yet, but I got it right 

And he was able to call me after 

We kept in contact and during deployment we moved on to emails 

Emails for the modern penpals and I’m so happy to have found them 

Was I taken back to 2008? Not exactly 

I simply remembered talking with a great friend whom I haven’t spoken to in years 

And in that letter my friend asked me if I had found my Prince Charming…

Brining a smile to my face because I have found something so much better 

I found myself and my voice 

While the girl in 2008 wasn’t sure yet of what she wanted the woman of today is happy to be assertive 

Happy to know her value and what she brings to any place be it a relationship or her career 

The woman of today isn’t seeking approval from others but making an effort to do what’s best for her 

And along the way she fell in love with who she is inside and out 

A major message for the girl in 2008 

Not to worry because what really matters, will turn out to be great! 

Bionica

Different & the Same

There is something about anonymity that holds so much allure 

Like the fact that you can be who you are and no one will know 

Which kind of means that whatever criticisms come to surface will simply linger for a short while

With out a face or body to adhere, they simply dissipate after time 

So when writing with a nom de plume of which nothing is known 

There may be less of a vulnerably aspect 

As the person sharing the deepest insights of the soul is simply words imagined to a being 

I like that because in sharing such personal stories one can only wonder 

‘How does this person know?…who told them my story?’

But it’s because as different as we are

Humans hold so many similarities that bring us together 

Almost like a garden of different flowers

Each emitting an individual scent yet all experience the pollination process from bees 

Which makes us not so different from on another after all… 

-Bionica

Trauma

Trauma, sometimes it just lays under your skin, waiting for a chill to blow and make your hair rise

Letting you know that it will forever be there 

It can follow you and can be an expressive sign of your obvious discomfort 

And so I think about those women that haven’t had any sexual trauma 

Those women, if they’re out– there that haven’t had any sexual harassment 

How amazing it must be to be fully confident in your most expressive self, the naked body 

Without ever thinking back to a moment when that naked body had been seen with eyes of someone that made you feel anything but confident 

Eyes that made you want to scrub your skin raw 

To remove any and all remnants of that discomfiting stare

Those betraying eyes that made you feel shame for something that is beautiful 

To be forever free of such is amazing 

To know that no one ever made you doubt or want to hide your grace is a gift 

But I wonder, in all honesty, is there any woman out there to be free of such trauma?

 

-Bionica