Dream a little...

She had been there for more than a year 

And there had been a change 

A change that became stagnant over time like water in a closed bottle 

Out in the sun 

It didn’t didn’t drain, it just stayed there 

Getting hot and maybe cold and then hot again 

Becoming unhealthy 

You see

Things got hard 

She didn’t think they would ever get so hard 

But they did

She felt herself get lost and almost ice over 

As if her soul was fading away the way the night does right before dawn 

She never thought it was possible 

To lose herself the way she almost did so many times before 

But this time the labyrinth was just too deep 

And she forgot to even look for the door 

She forgot that there was a door 

Or at least a way out 

That’s what it felt like working there

As if everything was just lost 

And knowing this 

Her hope faded and she stopped dreaming 

She stopped feeling 

She felt herself go numb, becoming an empty shell 

Like a person that just lets themselves get taken over by the water 

No longer reaching out for air 

She started to fall 

Not at all like the person that first pulled open the door ready for her first day of work 

The brightness she once had was gone 

The place was dimming her light and she knew it 

She wasn’t physically the same 

Each day was monotonous because she lost her hope for a better day 

For a better tomorrow 

She knew things weren’t going to change 

The false hope she was given became a bitter reality of the truth 

That nothing was going to change

She couldn’t keep going 

She was tired of just being 

So she decided to create her own space and turn away 

It could have been hard or it could have been easy 

She had no idea and no longer cared

She just wanted to leave 

She didn’t have a plan 

She didn’t know where to go next 

What to do 

Or where to even start 

But she didn’t care 

She knew she just couldn’t stay there 

So she walked away 

And the hope started to come back 

Because she had something to look forward to 

Like not having to go back to the toxic job that felt like cyanide slowly taking her strength 

The color was coming back to her 

Filling her soul with the rainbow that appears after the rainstorm 

And she could feel her soul smile when the corners of her lips turned up exposing her pearly whites

It had to happen 

A decision to choose herself 

And it wasn’t always understood 

Some might say that she wasn’t in the right mind set letting a job make her feel the way it did 

But some people probably never felt as if their soul was fading everyday as they dragged their body to work 

Perhaps because they don’t know about self care 

Perhaps because they expect others to do the same and just be there 

It wasn’t healthy 

At least not for her 

She knew it 

But she wasn’t sure if anyone else did

So she became her own cheerleader 

Working over time to remind herself that it was ok to let go 

How else could she accept the possibility of all that was to come 

Good things too

Bionica

Just Don't

To the man that just asked her to work for free

Please know that her time is just as valuable as yours 

If for some reason you need something it’s ok to ask for a favor 

But don’t think that people are going to want to stand out in the cold 

Just because 

Everyone is worthy 

Everyone gives time that is worth something 

Don’t try to pull a fast one and take advantage

That just makes you a person that makes jerky moves

With douchey tendencies 

And no one likes a douche!

-Bionica 

Change

January 13, 2018

The first time she had ever walked into that office
was 6 years ago
her first day on the job
a fateful day in which she was introduced to everyone in the company
from the mellow custodian that made time in the elevator
to the president of the art program with the kind eyes
the kind of eyes that wrinkled in the corners whenever a smile came about

But that was 6 years ago
and so much had changed since then
these days employees came and went
the same way that air comes and goes
through those revolving glass doors
the ones you must pass to get into reception

The chemistry between employees still remained good
a genuine camaraderie between friends
between family

And that just happened to be what hurt the most
knowing that her days would no longer have
that playful banter while waiting for the elevator
listening to the silliest of jokes
the ones that made you laugh just because

So as she walked into that office
for the second time in her life
she knew that a change had come about
as her heart beat inside her chest
like a caged bird flapping its wings furiously
while moving it's beak up and down
trying to push open the door to freedom

She knew that the time had come
for her to flap her wings
and fly away
she was free to make a nest somewhere else
but still nostalgic for the goodbye that loomed
a goodbye to all she came to know
and all who she came to love

-Bionica

Loose

She tried, boy did she try
To avoid getting to that point
Where the first thought after hearing the alarm
in the morning was 'is it Friday yet'

But it happened
Perhaps certain things just
couldn't be avoided
She gave it a go and landed
The job that she thought would be her dream

You know, when you have all this child like wonder
and dreams to fulfill
walking on sunshine…

Then it changed and she searched for the sun
hidden amidst the clouds

Her job became a chore and some what of a bore
The news couldn't hold her interest
Neither could the latest celebrity gossip
She was the glue
that tried to keep the pieces together
So the train could run smoothly

But there was just one part
that couldn't stay
To the naked eye it blended well
But up close, it hung loosely
And that was her
Waiting to fall off
and get picked up by something new
But no one knew…

-Bionica

Realization

image

There are times that it seems as if we're growing
But we're really not
We are just losing sight of what it really is that matters to us
Like the things that make us happy
The reason behind our smile

We call that 'Getting Caught Up In Work'
Ugh why does work have to be
such a bad name?
When did this happen?
How did it happen?

Is it adulthood?
Is it responsibility?
No…I think it's just losing sight of certain things
Forgetting what you liked so much
And somehow giving in to what is 'needed'

Don't do it!
Have your cake & eat it too!
Make the sacrifice and quit the excuses
Just be happy even if it is for a whole 20 minutes a day.

-Bionica