But is it worth it to love?

 As a kid she really wasn’t sure what love was 

She didn’t give it much thought 

She remembered that her parents would fight and sometimes her dad would go away 

But he would always go back home 

And she knew that made her happy 

One of her greatest joys was to see him climbing up the stairs to greet her as she stood in the doorway 

But that was at home…

Then on the novelas people would be so happy when they got married

It was supposed to be a day in which two people celebrated being one another’s ever after 

To live in love through and through 

Yet on some episodes people that were married didn’t really like each other 

And they would be miserable because they didn’t love their partner 

Their true love was someone else 

Sometimes single and other times in an unhappy relationship because they didn’t marry for love 

Stealing glances and sometimes forbidden affection from the one they did love

She couldn’t understand why it was all so complicated

Why would someone choose to be with someone that wouldn’t make them happy?

Not just on tv–but in real life 

It seemed to happen all the time 

There was even a trend in which people had divorce parties!

Imagine that, celebrating that you were no longer married to the person that was supposed to be the love of your life and make you happy

She wasn’t sure what to make of it all 

And once in conversation with a co-worker she remembered saying how she could not be able to be with someone whom she didn’t love 

Her co-worker averted her eyes at this, but didn’t say anything 

Could it be that her co-worker had married someone that she didn’t love just like in the novelas?

Maybe, but she didn’t seem miserable like in the novelas 

But then again she never went out with the couple to really see how things were and the feelings there or lack there of 

She thought about it and what it came down to 

Love had or simply always had been an option 

Yes, an option like choosing to have salt on your fries or even a side of ketchup 

Or maybe deciding on the soda with the meal that they would really enjoy but then saying no because it’s not good for them and so they will have a sad meal of fries with seltzer

But love is more than that 

It’s what makes someone’s eyes shimmer as they talk about something they enjoy 

It’s that warmth in the heart when they hug someone they really like being around 

It’s that sigh of relief that comes after sitting down when you had a busy day 

It’s that feeling of being so happy that you are holding the hand of the person that you can be with forever as you lean into them 

It’s so many things that are good and yet people choose to do with out it 

Some people knowingly enter a relationship with someone that will never make them happy 

Perhaps because they know they will have a certain security or they think that person will be a good parent 

But is that enough? 

Is it enough to marry someone with whom you find yourself imaging another when you’re getting physical?

Is it enough to know that you didn’t marry the love of your life and wonder every other day what your life may have been like if you would have said yes to love?

It was all too much for her 

She didn’t care to be with someone just because society made it a sin to be single and happy 

It’s sad how for some it’s so much better to be married with children and not even enjoying the life they live

It’s like living in Lego Land, it all looks so cool and fun but in reality it’s just plastic that gets cold in the winter and hot in the summer and isn’t very comfortable at all 

But this wasn’t anything new 

Not to society, not to the world 

But she wondered how & why someone could choose to be unhappy when they didn’t have to 

Was it really worth living for the views and thoughts of someone else?

Not to her, definitely not to her…

-Bionica

Ghosted

 It had been 3 weeks and he never replied to her 

It was odd because for the most part he would always reply 

Kindly and rather friendly 

Never to take something out of context and he would always answer with sincerity 

So she found it odd that he purposely forgot her 

Strange… 

Because it’s not like they would even flirt here & there 

Just simply stay in contact and share some thoughts about life every once in a while 

Like running into a friend at the aisle in the supermarket 

You have a deep conversation every so often about life 

In front of the Ben & Jerry’s, contemplating philosophy and aliens…

But this time he dodged her, purposely turning to the produce aisle 

Getting lost between the lettuce and cucumbers 

Pretending he was engrossed between the romaine & ice berg 

And so she asked herself if there was something that she did 

Was there something that she said? Was there something that she missed?

But the reality is that there wasn’t 

She thought of others before him that had simply ignored her 

With out a reason

As she searched deep within wondering why…

Then it came to her

The question 

The one that changed things for her 

“Would you really want to be involved with someone that ignores you?”

She knew the answer 

Regardless of the situation or relationship

Communication, honesty and respect 

Key components in every relationship–at least to her 

But those that disappeared became ghosts willingly 

Because they wanted to and because they valued different things 

So as she valued herself

She scrolled left over the conversation

Pressed delete 

And left that person where they wanted to be 

Behind and away from her

And she kept on walking forward 

Bionica

Hair

 As she twisted the end of her hair into a high bun

She came to the realization that the most complicated relationship a woman will have j

Is not with a man, but with her hair 

How many times have women looked in front of the mirror with a brush or comb in hand 

On the brink of tears of frustration because their hair just wouldn’t cooperate

It’s this thing we have no control over because it honestly does what it wants to do 

Regardless of what women want 

Some women have hair so straight they really have few style options because if they curl it

Well it’s very likely that the hair will uncurl itself shortly after 

There have been times when the comb got tangled in her hair as she tried to straighten it

On another occasion–brace yourself, the comb broke!

Yes, it broke mid way as she was detangling her hair, conditioner and all 

But maybe there is a lesson to be learned thanks to hair 

First, be kind to yourself, condition and be gentle 

Those tight hairstyles that make your head hurt are not necessary 

If your hair, that free spirit it is with a made up mind doesn’t want to be styled differently 

Love it as it is 

Love yourself as you are 

Not everyone will appreciate your style for what it is, but if you do–your hair and your self 

Will be eternally grateful for it 

If you feel like crying because it’s just too much to deal with 

Cry, take a step back and really look at the situation 

What are you trying to change? Is it something that should remain as is?

Is it something that can be worked with differently?

What are the happy possibilities that won’t make you cry?

And if all else fails, just wear it the as is and call it a good hair day!

Make it a good day, at least for you

She had to give in, because that bun was not looking the way she wanted 

So she decided to go with a poof and use a headband for style 

And slowly the relationship got better 

They liked each other a little bit more

It worked!

And so does life… 

Bionica

Coach P

 This time, when I went to the post office 

I was ready

My package was already in the envelope with a label on it with the address 

All I had to do was stand in line and wait my turn 

And there he was 

Coach P

I know this because the back of his white sweatshirt said Coach P— in black letters

What did I know about Coach P?

That he most likely drove in to the post office because as cold as it was

The man wasn’t wearing anything else but a sweatshirt and sweat pants 

No hat, no gloves, no scarf 

A risk taker if you ask me 

He was also very bold

Because I saw him holding the roll of tap from hand to hand 

As his exposed teeth went in for the tear 

What a guy! 

A strong one I tell you 

And one that smells really good 

Because as soon as I walked in my nostrils caught a whiff of Coach P

His cologne hugged everyone there 

Enveloping us like a hug from your crush that makes you smile inside 

Feels so nice… 

And I thought about how perhaps years ago 

I would have stolen a few looks hoping to get his attention 

But now it’s just like 

Oh, looks nice—

Back to my business 

My how things change… 

Bionica

To Be...

Yesterday it was just supposed to be Cheo & Vanessa 

They were supposed to be slow dancing as they warmed up for their scene 

But instead of being my character 

I was being me 

Because of the many things that went through my head, it just took me a while to her 

To begin, I think it was the first time ever that I slow danced with a boy!

Yes, I know right, because bachata doesn’t count 

If the Salesian Sisters at my high school would have seen me 

They would have commanded us to ‘leave room for the Holy Ghost’

I thought to myself, ‘omg do I smell? What if I smell? What if he doesn’t like the way I smell

I did wash my hair on Friday, so I know it’s clean 

Ugh why is this so awkward?

Why am I so awkward?

How long are we going to be dancing for?

This is way more than the 30 seconds our teacher said it would be 

Uy what if he all of a sudden gets a major boner 

Like in the movie on Netflix Yes, God Yes! 

The poor boy said he warmed up like a microwave 

And here we are, super close…’

However, we didn’t step on each others toes 

And after a while I just let my head rest on against his 

The weird part? We were soon in sync 

The odd part?

That all through out romantic comedies I can almost bet that I’m not the only one that thinks 

‘Oh what if that were me’–then when it does happen 

I’m not supposed to be me 

I’m supposed to be the character I’m playing and be in the moment 

Who would have thought that after wanting to be the protagonist for so long 

I would feel so odd & awkward the day it happens

I guess that’s my major growth area 

To be the character 

To be present in the moment 

To simply be… 

Bionica  

Oh my Sock!

 Dear Sock Thief,

Who are you and why do you take my socks?

Seriously, I would like to know why

I thought that I made it a little challenging for you 

By washing them daily by hand

Staying away from the possibility that a sock or two could get swallowed by a mysterious black hole in the washing machine

Or that the dryer could spin it to shreds leaving only fibers of what once was an odd shaped foot warmer 

But no, it just so happens that after hanging my socks to dry and leaving them for days in the bathroom 

For a day when I remember to use them 

That they’re GONE!!!!

JUST GONE!!!

Where do you take them?

What is the point of holding them hostage?

Will they ever grace the heel of my feet again in an effort to keep my feet warm all year long?

Sock thief what do you do with them and why?

Do you have a secret society where people use them to stuff lumpy pillows that were once fluffy?

Or do you take them to dogs that need a play thing to keep from chewing on a shoe or the edge of a table?

Or maybe you save them as a scratch post for adventurous cats that want to play with something elastic that has the power to stretch and become small again, almost like a slinky 

Sock thief-will you ever tell me?

Will you ever stop borrowing with out returning?

Not just for me but for the many people that stay on watch hoping to keep their matching socks together 

I’ll be here, looking out for you and your swift little feet… 

Bionica

All for Today

It often happens that as she worries about tomorrow and the day after

She loses touch of today 

And all of a sudden she loses grasp of what may be at hand 

A brand new day full of wonder and possibility 

It all gets lost to what can turn in to rapid breaths that if she isn’t careful 

Can escalate to wheezing in search for life 

For that which keeps us alive 

And all because she couldn’t focus on today 

But it happens and sometimes rather often 

She doesn’t always know how to make it stop 

But she’s trying 

To take it one day at a time 

And when she feels that tomorrow is closing in on her 

She realizes that she has to make an effort 

That she has to open her eyes facing the sun 

Forcing them to close and feel the warmth on her face 

Because that’s part of today 

The feeling of warmth emitted by that ball of fire that doesn’t burn 

Created by Elohim, a testament to His greatness 

And when the warmth envelopes her, she breathes in slowly 

Taking in the scent’s she didn’t notice before 

Feeling the breeze as it plays with her hair 

Hearing the wind as it whispers to the trees 

All for today 

All for today…

Bionica