But is it worth it to love?

 As a kid she really wasn’t sure what love was 

She didn’t give it much thought 

She remembered that her parents would fight and sometimes her dad would go away 

But he would always go back home 

And she knew that made her happy 

One of her greatest joys was to see him climbing up the stairs to greet her as she stood in the doorway 

But that was at home…

Then on the novelas people would be so happy when they got married

It was supposed to be a day in which two people celebrated being one another’s ever after 

To live in love through and through 

Yet on some episodes people that were married didn’t really like each other 

And they would be miserable because they didn’t love their partner 

Their true love was someone else 

Sometimes single and other times in an unhappy relationship because they didn’t marry for love 

Stealing glances and sometimes forbidden affection from the one they did love

She couldn’t understand why it was all so complicated

Why would someone choose to be with someone that wouldn’t make them happy?

Not just on tv–but in real life 

It seemed to happen all the time 

There was even a trend in which people had divorce parties!

Imagine that, celebrating that you were no longer married to the person that was supposed to be the love of your life and make you happy

She wasn’t sure what to make of it all 

And once in conversation with a co-worker she remembered saying how she could not be able to be with someone whom she didn’t love 

Her co-worker averted her eyes at this, but didn’t say anything 

Could it be that her co-worker had married someone that she didn’t love just like in the novelas?

Maybe, but she didn’t seem miserable like in the novelas 

But then again she never went out with the couple to really see how things were and the feelings there or lack there of 

She thought about it and what it came down to 

Love had or simply always had been an option 

Yes, an option like choosing to have salt on your fries or even a side of ketchup 

Or maybe deciding on the soda with the meal that they would really enjoy but then saying no because it’s not good for them and so they will have a sad meal of fries with seltzer

But love is more than that 

It’s what makes someone’s eyes shimmer as they talk about something they enjoy 

It’s that warmth in the heart when they hug someone they really like being around 

It’s that sigh of relief that comes after sitting down when you had a busy day 

It’s that feeling of being so happy that you are holding the hand of the person that you can be with forever as you lean into them 

It’s so many things that are good and yet people choose to do with out it 

Some people knowingly enter a relationship with someone that will never make them happy 

Perhaps because they know they will have a certain security or they think that person will be a good parent 

But is that enough? 

Is it enough to marry someone with whom you find yourself imaging another when you’re getting physical?

Is it enough to know that you didn’t marry the love of your life and wonder every other day what your life may have been like if you would have said yes to love?

It was all too much for her 

She didn’t care to be with someone just because society made it a sin to be single and happy 

It’s sad how for some it’s so much better to be married with children and not even enjoying the life they live

It’s like living in Lego Land, it all looks so cool and fun but in reality it’s just plastic that gets cold in the winter and hot in the summer and isn’t very comfortable at all 

But this wasn’t anything new 

Not to society, not to the world 

But she wondered how & why someone could choose to be unhappy when they didn’t have to 

Was it really worth living for the views and thoughts of someone else?

Not to her, definitely not to her…

-Bionica

The Truth

The more she talked to others, the less that she could believe it 

There were others like her that suffered just like she did 

If not more 

Parents really weren’t all they were cracked up to be 

At least not all 

But in reality, it seemed like the greater majority 

Impinging on their children all that they suffered as a kid in more 

They just said a word and it became a law with out any voting 

Some parents never even cared to know why their kids rebelled 

They never cared to look deeper than what they saw 

They never cared to take the time and actually love 

Some parents have been known to just enforce their authority 

Like a police officer that likes to take advantage due to their stance

They have been known to simply smack their child for saying something that they didn’t like 

They never cared to simply ask why and try to find out how to keep them from feeling like such outburst are ok 

The communication was just never there 

It was a one way street in so many homes 

Awful to know that so many adults never cared to really communicate

To turn the living room into a court room and look at things from all sides 

To see why certain causes are defended so strongly 

Instead they have abused their adulthood to become abusive in ways they will never know 

The sad part is that to them it will never be about becoming better

To them it will never be about something that was wrong 

To them it will be about an ungrateful child that just continues to show disrespect fo going against them 

They will never understand the loneliness they may feel later one because of the absence of their child 

Their child that will simply runaway because they no longer have to withstand the abuse 

To them it will be about someone that left them with out reason 

Never understanding that their behavior was far from ok 

And that there was never a need to be complacent and accept their wrong doings for what they were 

They may never understand that their ‘love’ was nothing more than an expression of all they lacked 

An expression of all they hurt thrown upon someone like a hailing rainstorm at full force 

With out warning and without shelter 

Causing them to run farther and farther seeking the sunshine 

Bionica

Sole

You could say that she was definitely the fun one 

The wild one that would talk about anything and do just about anything 

Almost like the Samantha Jones of the group 

But in reality, when he looked at her

He saw the lonely type 

The one that did just about anything 

To fill up the void she didn’t know she had 

Looking inside herself never seemed like an option 

To do so would be admitting that there was something missing 

Something that she would never come to terms with because then it would need fixing 

She just wasn’t the fixing type 

She would just put on as many bandaids as possible 

Knowing that with certain movements the bandaid could become loose 

Start coming off at the edges 

But she wouldn’t dare look at them 

She would just keep on moving 

Broken and alone 

Acting as if she didn’t have a care in the world…

-Bionica

Gentleman

As she walked by him she couldn’t help but smile at his son 

An adorable little person, impressionable and carefree 

Then she heard his comment 

Something about her becoming his stepmother 

And then, she understood

This is is why so many men are single 

They just don’t know how to act 

They just don’t know how to talk to women 

It’s almost as if guys nowadays enjoy complaining 

About not being able to find a nice girl 

Because let’s be honest 

What kind of girl do you expect to find 

When you can’t even talk to her nicely 

Good looks can only go so far 

It’s about buenos modales–good manners 

That so many seem to lack these days 

Like those guys that just say hello in an authoritative way 

Because they want to make sure that you catch their drift 

As if there were any doubts 

But will they ever understand?

That the age old adage is true 

It pays to be nice 

Geez louise gentlemen 

Can we please be clear that it’s all in the schmoozing

Harry and Sally almost didn’t work out 

Because when they first met there was too much going on 

Too much arguing and not enough lovin’ 

So try to understand 

This is why she turns her head and keeps going 

-Bionica

What did he know

The reason as to why she kept herself 

It was simple 

She just didn’t feel getting judged by a stranger 

A stranger who barely knew her on the surface

Yet would have plenty to say about her 

And what she ‘should’ be doing 

The reason as to why she preferred her friends 

It was that 

They knew her well 

They knew her struggles and how far she had come 

They knew all about the progress she had made 

They knew all about the process

But someone from the outside

Well they wouldn’t know much 

And she wasn’t going to tell them either 

But then he came along 

And she made it quite clear 

She wasn’t there to be judged 

She didn’t care to validate her being 

To a stranger of 24 hours or 24 days 

When he came along 

She made an attempt to push him away 

To keep him away 

But he just wouldn’t go 

And then he did it 

The very thing she had told him not to do 

He made assumptions 

He thought he knew her 

He said what he did 

He judged her 

Validating her adamant reason 

As to why she kept to herself 

He knew not of her struggles

He knew not of her triumphs 

He knew nothing of the path she had made 

Becoming a better version of herself 

A work in progress 

And he nothing of it...

-Bionica

Love is for Lovers

This is why she liked love stories so much
Because she honestly didn't believe it could happen to her
Not that it wasn't possible
Not that it wasn't feasible
It just didn't happen

The guys she would attract
Well some of them were let's be honest
Not the best
Interest in what maybe temporary
Oh and then the nice ones
Well for some reason
She just couldn't get into them

The feels weren't there
It was just an eh
Empty sensation

She just couldn't find the one
And then she thought she did
But maybe she didn't

The feels and everything were there
But they didn't have words
And you know
For her they weren't needed
It was just felt

But nothing happened…
So she went on her merry way

Admiring from up close and yes even far
How that fairytale ending came about for so many
It was the joy she felt
In hearing the love stories
Of how when he walked into a bar
Turned to his friend and said
'I'm going to marry her'

It really happened
He told her before the wedding
Because of course, she had to ask

It's the story of how her friend's wife
Thought he was the cutest guy ever
When she saw him she tried to play it cool
He was chatty with her friend
But even her friend was confident
That he was just trying to break the ice

So it's really nice
To know that romance is real
That it exists and makes so many people feel

That's why she likes it
She likes to listen to the details
Of 'how we met' and 'I knew he was the one when'
Because it makes her hopeful to know that
Well all that bubbly romance isn't just for show
That it's for sure

Maybe not for her, but listening to the stories
Well that's just as good
-Bionica

Green

As I watched an Expedition Truth rerun with Josh Gates,
I learned that more than half of Iceland believes in Elves
Construction is diverted for their preservation and care
Elves are lovers of the earth
They live to preserve nature in its essence

Perhaps Mr. Trump and a few other people should have
an elf encounter
You know, so that they could realize
Well climate change is real
We need to look after our home

I'm not trying to have earth disappear the way Krypton did
like in the movie with the cute Henry Cavill
Sigh–let's be more considerate
-Bionica

Different

Growing up she always wanted to be different
Different from the person she was with curly hair, dark skin
and a name that most people just couldn't pronounce

She wanted to take on the identity of a fictional character
like those on tv where the girls had great hair and the nicest parents ever
the kind that had really good jobs
yet they found time to be home with their kids
and help them with their homework
they knew exactly what was going on and spoke perfect english

But that wasn't exactly so
She hailed from the 6th floor of an apartment in the projects
where you could hear Frankie Ruiz loud and clear
as a 'hot' car drove by with the best sound system ever

The neighborhood parents spoke broken english
and would work when they found something they liked
if not, they would make the welfare line to ensure they would have
their food stamps at the beginning of the month
and they would never miss the WIC appointments
that granted them milk and cereal

She wanted a name like Melissa with a friend named Stacy
she wanted to hang out at The Max and giggle when her crush looked her way
yet she was way too far from that

The friends she made a school could have formed a map of South America
most of their parents were first generation
working hard to give their kids a good education
the kind that would get them into a good university
where their kids would meet others who did have a name like
Melissa & Stacy
with parents just like those on tv
the kind that would speak perfect english
with mothers that wore pearls over a lavender cardigan
with an over the knee pencil skirt

But by then, she would have already grown to love
everything that made her different
the name that no one could pronounce
with the handle downs and discount clothes
while the girls that sat behind her in class wore Acne jeans 
with Calvin Klein tank tops and those jacquard handbags
ones that she had never seen before

By then the differences that she once hated
were the ones she loved the most
because they made her who she was
they added to her story
they made her proud of the colored threads that made her quilt

And she was proud to her own self
woven with different colors
the ones she finally came to understand
-Bionica

Hair

What is it with people and curly hair?
Yes I have curls
Yes I know they are wild
Yes I know it looks interesting
But that doesn't mean that you can touch them

I am not a circus attraction or an animal at a petting zoo

No you cannot touch my hair
No you cannot touch my hair
No Don't touch my hair!!!

Since when does having curly hair give anyone the right
to just ignore my personal space
and just touch my hair like if it's some sort of oddity
one that should be checked out under a microscope

Take a step back
There are personal boundaries and I don't appreciate you crossing them

How would you like it if I just get all up in your head
Acting as if it were something from Ripley's Believe It Or Not

Sorry, but to your dismay
my differences
Do not make me part of a side show
If it fascinates you so much, buy a wig
They come in all colors for you to 'ooh & ah' over

I own a mirror and know what I look like
I own a mirror and know what I have
And I'm more than ok with it
It took me a long time to embrace it all
Stop trying to make me feel ilke it was a mistake

If I want to walk around all wild & free
Well, that's just me!!!

-Bionica

Image

Judgement by association

It's not what she wanted
Not anymore
It's what she wanted
To stay far far away from

The sleepless nights
The broken promises that became lies
The endless efforts that were made
Simply to end up where they started

She was tired of getting 'no where'
And so she decided no more

But she realized that perhaps
It was a little harsh
To just runaway the way she did
To never look back at what once was
At those broken pieces that became anew

They were recycled into experiences
Of what once was
Of what currently was
Of what could be

And so she stopped
To listen to the voice experience
And to give life a try once again
After giving up on herself
She decided to give someone else
A much deserved try

This time she was ready to learn
From the ghosts that chased her for so long
This time she was ready to send them flying
Along with some others…

-Bionica