Self to Love

Sometimes she thought about all she wanted as a kid 

To have someone hold her hand 

To have someone accept her perspective 

Understanding that difference is beautiful 

That she will forever be beautiful 

But the world worked quite differently 

It wasn’t allowed to pick out the cards most liked 

It allowed to learn from the best and worst cards dealt 

To take in everything possible before picking another card 

Before making another move…

Something she sometimes lost sight of 

Because she just didn’t know what it was about 

She felt lost 

Like Alice down the rabbit hole 

She didn’t know where she was going or what she was supposed to look for 

There were no signs indicating what to do 

It was something she had to figure out on her own 

In her own time 

Even if it meant going around in circles until the lines became straight 

A door would open up and she would realize that she had to go around it a few times to see it 

It’s all part of the process 

The healing that she very much needed

Bionica

Different

Growing up she always wanted to be different
Different from the person she was with curly hair, dark skin
and a name that most people just couldn't pronounce

She wanted to take on the identity of a fictional character
like those on tv where the girls had great hair and the nicest parents ever
the kind that had really good jobs
yet they found time to be home with their kids
and help them with their homework
they knew exactly what was going on and spoke perfect english

But that wasn't exactly so
She hailed from the 6th floor of an apartment in the projects
where you could hear Frankie Ruiz loud and clear
as a 'hot' car drove by with the best sound system ever

The neighborhood parents spoke broken english
and would work when they found something they liked
if not, they would make the welfare line to ensure they would have
their food stamps at the beginning of the month
and they would never miss the WIC appointments
that granted them milk and cereal

She wanted a name like Melissa with a friend named Stacy
she wanted to hang out at The Max and giggle when her crush looked her way
yet she was way too far from that

The friends she made a school could have formed a map of South America
most of their parents were first generation
working hard to give their kids a good education
the kind that would get them into a good university
where their kids would meet others who did have a name like
Melissa & Stacy
with parents just like those on tv
the kind that would speak perfect english
with mothers that wore pearls over a lavender cardigan
with an over the knee pencil skirt

But by then, she would have already grown to love
everything that made her different
the name that no one could pronounce
with the handle downs and discount clothes
while the girls that sat behind her in class wore Acne jeans 
with Calvin Klein tank tops and those jacquard handbags
ones that she had never seen before

By then the differences that she once hated
were the ones she loved the most
because they made her who she was
they added to her story
they made her proud of the colored threads that made her quilt

And she was proud to her own self
woven with different colors
the ones she finally came to understand
-Bionica