What I wanted...

I wanted to text you 

To see if it was really true 

That you really left, with out saying goodbye 

Like a hotel guest that simply drops the key on the bed before walking towards the door 

Rolling a suitcase towards the elevator and walking out the back door 

But I didn’t text you 

Because I knew you wouldn’t reply 

And if you had it would have been weird after you were supposedly gone 

But I wanted to think that I was special 

That our conversations meant something 

I expected to get a message from someone letting me know 

That our weekly FaceTime conversations would no longer be 

That the friend that made 6th grade so memorable is now a in a better place 

I wanted to know that us having met again after so many years was real and not an illusion 

But it was real and I have the time stamped messages to prove it 

I have the voice note to hear you so that I can replay your voice out loud and not just in my head 

So that someone else can know that it was real 

My becoming friends again with someone from elementary school much after high school and college

Because life’s meetings aren’t always by chance 

We are meant to meet 

We are meant to make friends 

We are meant to simply be the best that we possible can 

We are meant to share glorious moments that will always be remembered… 

Bionica 

Just 2

There they were, 2 girls in a coffee shop 

Trying to figure out their lives while drinking a coffee and a hot chocolate 

With 2 half eaten muffins on plastic plates 

Could it be more cliché?

Maybe…

But they talked about everything and nothing at the same time 

Such as how sometimes it’s best to be alone 

If those around you aren’t on the same wavelength 

Well it just means you have to keep on swimming 

They also talked about vibrators and soap when she gifted her friend a 

Portable charger with an Ayurvedic soap 

It was small, pink and pretty 

So the inevitable hiccup giggles came out 

A little soap for the prés a V hahaha 

It was about the jokes that made light of those life experiences 

That could sometimes be too much to handle 

Like the fact that after so much time she still didn’t know where she stood 

She wasn’t sure where she was going 

She wasn’t as lost as she was freshman year of college in a brand new campus 

Because this time she knew what she didn’t want 

But she still had a long way to go to find her way 

The home situation wasn’t that great either 

Not because she was misunderstood, but because no one tried to understand 

To speak her language was an ineffable thought 

Why would anyone dare to make an effort to know something that didn’t involve them?

We only live in a world with billions of people 

To learn more about them to be able to communicate better?

Well now, who does that?

No one at home

No one at home cared to see beyond their 2 hands 

Beyond their world and their cloud 

And that was the problem 

She would never be able to go forward when those around her 

Would constantly work to pull her back…

It was time

To let go without turning back 

Bionica

The Breakup

She didn't see it coming
How could she?
They weren't even dating
They were just friends for about 2 years and counting
Friends who would talk late at night
About the moon and the stars
No, not really

But they would talk about different issues
Why do guys do this?
Why do girls do that?
He was her go to man
Whenever she had a question
That only he could answer

And of course he was nice
Good looking
Tall dark and handsome
But they were just friends

And then the moment came
When the doors of honesty were opened wide
He told her how he felt
He liked her
He liked her a lot
She told him how she felt
She liked listening to what he had to say
She liked to imagine herself taking long walks
While he held her hand in his

But they were being honest
And honesty rules
So he told her
They could have it all
And still be just friends
But she wanted it all
and she didn't want to be just friends

-Bionica

But Why

The second time that she saw him 

He asked her 'what is it that you like about him?'

She didn't know then 

She didn't know exactly what it was about him 

Sure there it was

The obvious 'he's a good person' 

Easy going 

Cool to be around 

And humble, very humble…

But when she got to thinking 

She really didn't know why 

Surely it had to be more than his smile 

The one he flashed her as he walked by 

The way that he took her hand in his

As he thanked her 

Or how to her surprise he 

Held her so close she could feel his heart beat against hers

There was more to it 

But she still couldn't explain it 

All she knew was this 

The mere thought of him 

Made her smile 

The mere thought of him 

Gave her a sense of longing 

To have him close to her

So that once again 

She could feel safe in his arms 

There was something about their silent embraces 

An unspoken language between them 

Than only they could understand 

And she had yet to tell him 

That the anticipation of just seeing him 

Well it made her heart flutter

As if within her 

There were a million feathers 

Just flying around 

Excited to know that he was near 

She felt perfectly comfortable with him 

Ready to risk it all 

For what reason?

She couldn't say 

She didn't know 

Not even to this day 

-Bionica 

Fancy Meeting

image

From time to time, 

she would think about him 

wondering what it was that he was doing 

But after so long her memory of him 

just drifted into the distance 

packed away in a library of memories

Then with out expecting it 

she saw him 

and the dimples that continued 

to mark his face whenever he would smile 

she felt the big arms that enveloped her 

in a long over due hug 

And then she heard him say 

how he always wanted to talk to her 

and that's when it all stopped!

Within seconds she imagined 

what he would say 

How he missed her 

How he always wanted to tell her 

that he really liked her

that he wanted to take her out 

But after 5 seconds 5+ later 

He told her 

How he always wanted 

to talk about their 

near death experienced 

that marked them all forever 

Really??

After all this time 

She wondered why 

If it was so, then he could have said something before 

She then smiled as she leaned back into her chair 

and burst the bubble that her friend 

was already blowing after simply hearing 

'I've always wanted to talk to you since…'

To wait another few years to see him again 

And say 'let's talk about it…'

-Bionica