What You Already Know

 It happened quite some time ago, but there are moments that stay in our minds forever 

See it’s a cultural thing that is some how normal among my Dominican people

To visit psychics and have your cards read is a thing of camaraderie almost 

And so I remember going with my mom 

The first thing I was told was to refrain from letting the brujo know that we lived in the states 

The man is supposed to be a good Cuban burro-how does he not know where we live?

I wondered this and as I write it today, I can’t help but laugh–because it’s funny

So there I am in what seems to be a small container with only one room and although it was the early 2000s the man had a this old phone with the curly telephone wire that on top of that seemed so heavy it would make an excellent paper weight 

Suddenly the phone rang and he says ‘excuse me’  but I’m not supposed to know any English, dique…

The man lays out the cards and tells me yo veo un viaje- I see a trip in your near future

Um, well yes we were about to go home soon, probably that very week…

Something that I already knew and then apparently he did too 

Which has prompted me to wonder what the whole point was of paying someone to tell me things that I already knew 

What kind of game is that? Not a good one because I don’t really see the benefit of giving someone else money for what we will now both know

It’s a little annoying and tedious as a I think about it 

But for some people it’s the best thing ever 

To have someone relay things that you never thought anyone else knew 

Could it be that the brujo is a more accepted version of a therapist 

To pay someone to tell you things that may or may not be true while you listen intently and aghast because they tell you so much 

Kind of sounds like it, at least a little 

Oh and there was a doozy! 

The man tells me no vas a tener mucha suerte en el amor –you won’t be very lucky in love 

Well what is luck is exactly? Because although some people may consider it unlucky to be single, someone in a bad relationship may consider it the best luck ever 

This all comes down to your view on the situation and life 

It’s that seeing the glass half empty or half full mentality 

But to my mother this was not good 

She tried to say it wasn’t true because now she was psychic too and decided that she knew more than the handsome Cuban man she just paid to tell her some truths 

But you know what would be the even more difficult pill to swallow for her?

The fact that one day I would grow to not care about my relationship status because it meant that being in one is not a priority to me 

That is the biggest shock to her 

Because although romantic relationships may hold importance to her, it can be rather challenging to understand that they aren’t for her daughter 

It was the affirmation of what she already knew 

That her daughter’s alien thoughts would never be fully comprehended by her 

That her daughter’s radical way of thinking would just be too strange for her 

That her daughter could very well belong to someone else because she would never understand her 

And to the daughter 

Well she just took it all in stride 

Knowing well that somethings just weren’t meant to be understood… 

Bionica 

Peace of Mind

Last night my mom told me she was going to head out early 

Sometime around 9am to sign some papers as she would be a witness in an upcoming wedding 

I didn’t know about it and scheduled appointments beforehand 

And so I told her that if I were to accompany her, I would have to be back 11am 

To which she replied ‘so then just stay home’ 

It’s one of those replies that in between the lines really says ‘It would be nice if you cancelled your appointments so that you could come with and I wouldn’t have to go alone’

But the thing is that if I were to do such a thing, well it would really be so much more to endure 

Beginning with the questioning critique in regards to my choice in attire 

From that she would jump to the fact that I don’t wear makeup, surely followed up by a personal comparison of myself to someone else that to her is much more accomplished where to her I simply lack 

It gets exhausting and I can only sigh so much… 

So I just happily refrain from attending many events

It is a choice that perhaps few may understand, but my peace of mind comes first 

I don’t know what others think but I do have a feeling that they don’t really know the power of words 

For it is way too often that words of encouragement are replaced with those of criticism and dislike that it becomes second nature and almost an integral part of the conversation 

Soon enough it becomes all too odd to have a conversation without at least one parental or family insult 

But I don’t like any of that 

And some families seem to have a lot of it 

From sisters, to aunts, mothers and grandmothers 

I can’t say I’ve heard it much from the male counterparts

However I can say that I know understand how some people just drift away 

It comes down to putting yourself first 

It comes down to knowing that conversations can be better, great in fact when the words entertained are those of good thought and kind sayings

It comes down to understanding that not everyone will understand this 

And sometimes you may be the only one 

Which leaves you with the choice ‘do you want to understand certain things alone with peace of mind or would you prefer to be surrounded by people to feel as if they are constantly throwing dirt at you?’…

Bionica