Thinking

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She was a couple years from 30 and still 

She thought she would be better

She thought that she was done with the adolescent rebellion 

That she never experienced

Yet it was still there

The break through she made 

Now had to be released and untapped 

Yet she didn't know how 

She didn't know how to bring forth those words 

That in her mind were slowly making their way 

She had partly made peace with the fact

That his absence hurt her like nothing else in the world 

But what then?

Did she tell him how she felt?

She didn't 

Afraid to bring hurt to him 

She kept it to herself 

Unsure if she would ever bring 

Such truth forward

Ah to be pensive 

-Bionica

Surprise

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She was single

At work 

And not dating anyone 

But she got them

Right in the middle of the day, 

She received word that there was a package for her

When she made it to reception, 

There they were

A beautiful assortment of spring tulips

Sometime in the middle of February 

What a surprise too!

But from who?

Inside there was a simple note with her name 

It read 

"I'm sorry"

No exclamation, no period, no comma

Just like that 

And she wondered all day and all night

Who could they be from?

Of course there were more than a dozen scenarios

Each one played out in her head with the same person 

Just ways in which he let her know that they were from him 

In all of them he showed up at her door with an even bigger bouquet 

Ready to surprise her 

Alas it wasn't him 

But someone else 

And then she wondered

"Did I really want to know?"

Would you? 

-Bionica

She did...

She did it! 

She closed her eyes and went for it

She told him about that feeling 

The one she gets when he looks at her 

That everything is ok because he's there to hold her hand

She told him how easy it is for her to get lost in his eyes 

And how much she loves the splendor of his speech 

The touch of his lips on her cheek 

A soft brush that only he can do 

The grip of his hands as he holds her close

And in turn he said not a word 

And she was lost 

In a world wind of questions 

'what did I do?'

'was it something I said?'

'perhaps I shouldn't have…'

But she did 

And she would do it again 

Because she tried 

To the depths of her self, she tried

She made that effort to let him know                                         

All the beautiful things he sowed with her                                                        image

Many the more illusions 

Of a love finally found 

Unmistakable smiles 

As they kissed under a thousand skies 

All the which she would do all again 

Because she loves him 

Because he will always be her present 

Because he will always exist in her moments 

-Bionica

And so we go...

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It's in there. Beneath that shell of 'I don't believe in love or any such thing' lies the dreamer that believes. Yes, as in those novels and fairy tales that begin with a 'once upon a time' there is a prince out there for each princess. Perhaps he's not as swift of a dancer to sweep her off her feet and carry her off into the night–but he will be enough to make her forget where she is. He will have her get lost in his words that are simple yet enchanting. He will tell her simple truths like 'I love you in that dress' or you should leave your hair down more, because it's just so beautiful. He will make her want to sway in the middle of the street forgetting about the cars beeping about the current traffic situation. Not sure about 'le raison de etre' but to her, his touch will be electrifying and soothing, something she just cannot get enough of. The love emanating from him that is truly obvious to those that see for his beloved queen that he doesn't often meet. 

But what about the reality? The reality that her close friends are still single battling guys they don't understand and trying understand why the dating scene is just so difficult. Preferring to remain in a relationship that gives more headaches than heartaches because of the some how infallible idea of being alone! 

Whatever happened to knocking on doors until the right one opened? Fear took over and with it came the complacency to settle for something shy from happiness to be aloud to say 'but I'm not alone'. 

This maybe why she's still single and 'with out a chance'–is she asking for too much? 

Not at all, she's just asking for a smile that will make her warm inside, for that brushing of hands that will put her nerves on high alert with the giddy heart palpitations that follow. She want's to get lost in a sea of people knowing that at the moment only they two exist. She wants what is true and meant to be, not something that's pretend and not supposed to be. 

-Bionica

On a Quest

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At 27 plus one she stood in the category of still single and not even mingling.  

No boyfriend to date and she was ok with that. Used to the fact of perhaps an occasional date every couple of years–yes years! She wasn't looking forward to much. 

At least it's what she made others believe. It's as if in her stood the external shell of a woman subdued to the fact that all men are the same. None worth any time that isn't spent playing some odd game of I'm not going to call you today but in a few weeks so we can get together again and see what happens. She was tired of silly mind games 'he loves me, he doesn't love me oh but he just texted me'.

She came to terms with the fact that not everyone is meant to be in a relationship and that's ok. 

However her parents on the other hand would like to differ. The dad that she so loved mentioned how he would love to have grand children apparently overlooking the fact that he also has a son that can provide ;) Truth be told, her mom would like to clarify that her only daughter is not a closet lesbian on the verge of being jamona.

After x amount of failed un relationships she came to terms with the fact 'mejor estar sola que mal acompañada' No need to drag things out with someone whose hand you don't care to hold for more than a second to confirm that the satellite time on your cellphone is in sync with the wrist watch. She was over that text conversation with the person that would reply to a message an hour later to a simple 'what are you upto?' with 'aquí ya tu ve…' no mas-no more. 

To go forward and focus on not having to decipher a man with as much intensity as morse code. She was not trying to make out every little hint to find out the he needed more time or to learn that he didn't believe in time and would want to just throw out the word relationship and jump into pure physicality. No she has an actual brain under the frizzy untamed curls. A brain that she very much enjoyed using to explore new worlds in a book where the character's love story unfolds into a fit of unplanned perfection–toil yielding to a not so secret I love you and just want to kiss you. 

But this, this is all made up and fiction. But it's what she went for. Leaving the reality of life to live on vicariously through a persona in a novel whose unfolding story pulled her in all the more. 

Skipping all the madness and drama, reaching all the lovely dovey googley eyes and kisses–she would never settle. She refused to go with someone who wouldn't acknowledge her in entirety. Young ladies deserve to be loved and stared into deeply after week long conversations over the phone. Going on about the day and counting the hours 'till we meet again'. In love one should be as excited to see the bearer of your favorite chocolate confection ;-) as a child looking forward to the close of a school day to run up to their parents arms. You should look at that person and just want to melt so that you can encumber their whole self and take in that scent that you so love. You should be able to hold a silent conversation in which you tell each other everything with a mere glance and brush of hands. It's about a language unsaid but very much felt. 

The one about that quest that must continue tomorrow because as of now this princess must sleep. 

'Till next time my pretties' the conversation of love and what it may be…

-Bionica

Maktoub–Written

Have you heard the song 

"some people wait a life time 

for a moment like this 

some people wait a lifetime 

for that one special kiss " ♬

Well, it was one of those 

Something so unexpected 

for the both of us I'm sure

and yet it happened 

so caught up in the moment

that planning it would not

have come as close 

to such perfection 

It's like a puzzle piece
we just fell into each other

after being scattered around

someone like the Man upstairs 

put us together 

His lips fell into mine 

and they felt so right 

I myself was surprised to feel 

such ease and comfort 

His lips belong there

on my temple of love 

making their way to 

soft lips where 

the two meet to lock

His arms around myself 

my arms around his self 

and somehow 

we are lost in each other 

an embrace that will last forever 

Till the next time we come together 

-Bionica

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He

She didn't know it at first                                                 

she had no idea,

but it was him

He who paid attention to all the details

he who studies all her movements 

and knew just what it was that she needed

He thought of her every night before bed

and every morning as his day began 

It was he who was patient enough 

to understand her 

and strong enough to give her

the space she needed 

And she knew it.

-Bionica

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