That Kind…

There is this one person that I love

This one person that I have loved since my beginning

Without realizing it, this person became my hero and the pearl from my oyster

Granted that perhaps the pearl should have been I, but it didn't matter to me

I would have him be my pearl for always

It mattered little the wrongs he would did

The waves that were to sputter from my eyes would flow some other way, away from him…

An "I love you" there and an "I miss you" here would turn this peppy girl into silly putty for molding

Like chocolate in the summer I would melt–no matter how cold the winter

But it was all bad 

an expired love that could do me know good

It would bring anguish to know that it went so bad

No matter how I would try to coat it, there would be a tang of bitterness in the end

like an allergy, it was something bearable at first, yet soon enough everything around me would shatter and I would sit alone, trembling with fear

My chest would heave and my body would rock back and forth as I wondered "why? why? why doesn't he love me? what did I do?"

It's hard to admit that such could be so wrong for me

After that close bond that is supposed to hold us together 

Those jokes that I would tell him to which he would always laugh at, no matter how bad they were 

He laughed, yes he did laugh, but not at them– he laughed at me

At how gullible my nature was 

At the fact that he could manipulate me so well

Make me see things so differently and have me turn on the world

Perhaps he did love me

But not for a second more than he has loved himself 

I was just an instrument at the circus of his entertainment 

to benefit himself while others laughed at those buttons he pushed

Now it's my time to leave

to leave and not look back but forward to a world on my own

To a future with out you and with out heartache caused by the pounding of your mallet

A mallet which you held while grinning in my face making it seem like a simple joke

I will miss you and still love you

I might even think of you

But I cannot stay with you 

If something good is to come of all this, then I must go now 

I will not run because my mind is made up

You can tap my shoulder and I will close my eyes, but when my foot moves it will be to take a step forward and not look back

love?

-B. 

Just Go

I don't want to be stuck in a place I don't want to be

I don't want to move forward to get out of the place that I am 

I don't want to look and see what's out there

I need to be pushed and have my eyes opened 

I need to see what's around and what is to change 

I need to be pushed to run and not walk and get it before it goes

That's what I need to do

What about you?

-B

Going & Doing

OMG! Sometimes people can be a little grossera. For real–just because I am not going out with you and decide on being responsible for something does not mean you have to get all Judy Attitudey about it. Yes I can hear it right now "I am sorry. I didn't know that I was doing that" well you were and it sucks. Grow up and get over it man. It's over and now it's time to move on. 

Anyhow, on another note my fellow martian friends, this venetian girl from Venus (hehehe) would like to share that she has no interest in learning how to cook. No I absolutely don't, or at least maybe I didn't and you know what I am quite happy with such and have no problem with it. Granted that I shouldn't care if you do or don't have a problem with it, maybe it's because I like you. Sure…

Whatever.

All I am saying is that it's totally wrong and uncalled for to discriminate someone for their honesty in saying what they think and how they feel. I don't want to learn and and am COMPLETELY fine with cooking what I already know. 

Why does it have to be a big deal anyways? The takeout menus were created for a reason my friend(s). Believe you me, they can be and are quite helpful, just make sure that you have them on speed dial for faster service ; >

Pero, si, how is it possible that you my martian friend would over look a very hot venetian princess just because of her lack of culinary skills. It makes no sense and you know it. It could be that you were trying some of that psychology stuff and maybe it worked, relax I said that maybe it did, not for sure. 

Still I do not want to be patronized not wanting to know. What do I gain with such? Nothing really just being a stubborn person I guess whose logic is currently out of sorts but that's ok because in life, we must know when things are off and accept them as so before putting them back. 

So please take it as it is, a girl that for at least one day is happy with her decision regardless of the fact that you may find it odd. Try it sometime, it feels good even if you know that your wrong. After all the point is to at least know. 

Take it and love it

-B.