Not the Boyfriend

If you ask her if she has a boyfriend it’s very likely that she may say no 

Because he isn’t her boyfriend 

He is her lover 

A man that she loves in more ways than one

But who?

Who is that man with whom she shares her dreams?

To whom she speaks of her love for the moon and the sun?

Who is this man that knows of the spells she casts and the chains she’s broken?

Who is it that makes her smile at the sound of his voice?

Who is the man at which her body simply succumbs to with a simple kiss?

Ask her of the man that adds color to her world 

The man that is her prince as he has made her his princess 

Just the two of them in their castle 

Ask of the man that fills the cup of her pleasure 

The man that enjoys seeing her next to him when he wakes up with her hair a mess as half of her body is covered by the blanket 

Who is this man that dreamed her up and brought her into his life 

The man that prays for her every morning and every night thanking G-d for the love that came into his life

Who is this man?

The man that makes her dream…

Bionica 

The Creative

In the opening scenes of 101 & One Dalmations 

She clearly remembers a man burning music sheets 

He was burning the music sheets because he needed to stay warm 

He was an artist 

A starving artist at that 

A man dedicated to his craft so much that he forgot about all else

Simply focusing on what set his soul on fire

That man was a romantic 

Creatives are romantics 

Because as one dedicates their time and energy to their craft 

The realities of life swirl by coming out in the final product 

But the final product is seen as beautiful 

The brush strokes of pain and hurt become a masterpiece 

Romantics 

If you ask me are hurt many times

Life happens and the emotions are escalated so many times

It’s not just happiness but extreme bliss

It isn’t just hurt but excruciating pain 

No in-between 

And many times 

The moments of hurt last much longer than the happy ones

Because in search for happiness there are bouts of rejection that seem to tear at the soul 

But in dedication to the craft of art 

A creative keeps going 

Wiping tears on a canvas that is yet to be completed 

Standing back to see the work that holds a whole story 

But to the viewer, the story isn’t always seen or felt 

Because the focus is on the beauty of the outcome 

The hurt lingers for a little bit 

But it goes away 

It gets taken away but the oohs and ahs of the onlookers changing the landscape 

The flow of energy 

Because it’s strong 

The vibes are strong 

When first seeing the work some may feel it 

The very thing that caused the heart of the artist to pump so quickly in heaving sobs

But after some time 

It is simply a topic of conversation 

Like Van Gogh 

Upon looking at his work we know his story of torment 

But it is no longer felt 

Just another explanation for his actions such as when he physically hurt himself and did a self portrait 

All for love 

The romantic creative

Full of hurt from life and a joie to vivre at the same time 

The artist 

The expresser of both love & pain 

Bionica

 

Dream a little...

She had been there for more than a year 

And there had been a change 

A change that became stagnant over time like water in a closed bottle 

Out in the sun 

It didn’t didn’t drain, it just stayed there 

Getting hot and maybe cold and then hot again 

Becoming unhealthy 

You see

Things got hard 

She didn’t think they would ever get so hard 

But they did

She felt herself get lost and almost ice over 

As if her soul was fading away the way the night does right before dawn 

She never thought it was possible 

To lose herself the way she almost did so many times before 

But this time the labyrinth was just too deep 

And she forgot to even look for the door 

She forgot that there was a door 

Or at least a way out 

That’s what it felt like working there

As if everything was just lost 

And knowing this 

Her hope faded and she stopped dreaming 

She stopped feeling 

She felt herself go numb, becoming an empty shell 

Like a person that just lets themselves get taken over by the water 

No longer reaching out for air 

She started to fall 

Not at all like the person that first pulled open the door ready for her first day of work 

The brightness she once had was gone 

The place was dimming her light and she knew it 

She wasn’t physically the same 

Each day was monotonous because she lost her hope for a better day 

For a better tomorrow 

She knew things weren’t going to change 

The false hope she was given became a bitter reality of the truth 

That nothing was going to change

She couldn’t keep going 

She was tired of just being 

So she decided to create her own space and turn away 

It could have been hard or it could have been easy 

She had no idea and no longer cared

She just wanted to leave 

She didn’t have a plan 

She didn’t know where to go next 

What to do 

Or where to even start 

But she didn’t care 

She knew she just couldn’t stay there 

So she walked away 

And the hope started to come back 

Because she had something to look forward to 

Like not having to go back to the toxic job that felt like cyanide slowly taking her strength 

The color was coming back to her 

Filling her soul with the rainbow that appears after the rainstorm 

And she could feel her soul smile when the corners of her lips turned up exposing her pearly whites

It had to happen 

A decision to choose herself 

And it wasn’t always understood 

Some might say that she wasn’t in the right mind set letting a job make her feel the way it did 

But some people probably never felt as if their soul was fading everyday as they dragged their body to work 

Perhaps because they don’t know about self care 

Perhaps because they expect others to do the same and just be there 

It wasn’t healthy 

At least not for her 

She knew it 

But she wasn’t sure if anyone else did

So she became her own cheerleader 

Working over time to remind herself that it was ok to let go 

How else could she accept the possibility of all that was to come 

Good things too

Bionica

Life, motions & emotions

The other day 

A friend mentioned how without any emotions regardless if they’re happy or sad 

With out the love or the fights 

Life is just bland 

And it is 

It can be simple and monotone 

Because emotions add color 

Sometimes too much color that brings forth a sensory overload 

But that’s what life is, the ups & downs 

If there aren’t any lows you might not appreciate the highs 

But boy is it hard 

It can be exhausting sometimes 

Yet when there is nothing 

We truly do wish for something… 

Bionica 

El otro dia 

Un amigo hizo un comentario sobre la vida 

Que sin el enredo de los momentos tristes, felices, peleas & amor 

No hay vida 

Mas que la sencillez de la monotonía 

Porque las emociones le dan color a la vida 

Puede que aveces sea demasiada la estimulación de tantas emociones 

Pero así es la vida, un sube y baja 

En el que sin los momentos malos no se pueden agradecer los momentos buenos 

Uy pero como es difícil aveces 

Llega a ser algo que te deja exhaust@

Pero cuando no hay nada 

En realidad desearías que hubiera algo…

Bionica 

Momentos

 There were times where she would look at him 

In a search for meaning 

Scanning his face hoping to find an indication 

That it was ok to have feelings for him 

She would try to look deep as if searching for a specific word in a crossword puzzle 

But she couldn’t see anything 

Just him 

His thinking eyes 

His silent mouth 

Just him 

But it wasn’t something to search for 

It was different 

When they held hands 

She wouldn’t want to let go 

When he drew her close, her body simply fell into his 

When she held him, she just wanted to keep him safe 

They gravitated towards one another

When they hugged she let go of everything else 

Holding on to that moment 

Closing her eyes to the world and opening up to what they had 

Because it wasn’t anything that she could see

Because it was all that she could feel 

There was a sense of safety in their embraces 

That made her want to stay for always 

Eyes closed, arms snaked around each other 

Just two souls coming together on earth 

And that’s how she knew 

That all which she couldn’t see 

Was simply everything that she could feel 

And so she stayed…

Bionica

Habían momentos en los que ella lo miraba 

Buscando respuestas en su mirada 

A ver si encontraba alguna señal o indicación de que si podía sentir algo por él 

Lo miraba tan fuerte como si estuviera buscando una palabra en un crucigrama

Pero no podía ver nada

Tan solo lo veía a él 

Sus ojos pensativos 

Su boca callada 

Tan solo lo veía a él 

Pero no era nada para buscar 

Era diferente 

Cuando se tomaban de las manos 

Ella no lo quería soltar 

Cuando él se acercaba, su cuerpo se inclinaba al de él 

Cuando ella lo tomaba en sus brazos tan solo quería que él estuviera bien

Cuidarlo de todo 

Al abrazarlo ella se olvidaba de todo lo demás 

Enfocando se en ese preciso momento 

Cerrando los ojos en el mundo para abrirle el paso a lo de ellos 

Pero es que no era algo para ver 

Pero todo lo que ella podía sentir 

Sus abrazos le brindaban confianza 

Tanto así que ella se quería quedar para siempre 

Con los ojos cerrado y perdidos en un abrazo 

Sencillamente dos almas juntándose en la tierra 

Y ahí fue donde ella entendió 

Que todo eso que buscaba 

Simplemente era todo eso que se podía sentir 

Entonces ahi se quedó… 

Bionica 

Y se acabó...

Llegó el día en el que se cansó de las pendejadas 

De querer alguien al que le importara 3 carajos 

Alguien que claramente le pesaba preguntar ‘¿cómo estás?’

Tan horrible le parecía preguntarle a la persona que supuestamente quería ‘¿cómo te sientes?’

Una persona con quien siempre ha podido contar

Por lo menos él con ella

Pero él nunca la tuvo en cuenta 

No mas para utilizar y aprovecharse de su bondad 

Porque sabía que no le podía decir que no 

Y por mas miel que él le echara esos ‘te quiero’ no tenían sabor por que eran falsos 

El querer no hace daño a terceros y si aun se piensa que es querer hiriendo a otro, entonces es penoso que no sepa lo que en realidad es querer 

Pero tenía que pasar 

¿De qué le sirvió?

De inspiración para esas cartas que no llegarían a sus manos 

Escritas a un fantasma que llegó a su vida para luego irse por su cuenta 

Y así toca la vida 

Vivencias que nos enseñan algo que tal vez se entienda luego 

Mientras pasa sencillamente se sienten emociones fuertes 

Pero después decimos ‘eso, me hizo mas fuerte’

Entonces aquí vamos a ser versátiles y fuertes para poder enfrentar todo sin quebrarnos 

Bionica 

The Love

So yes, love really does evolve 

It doesn’t stay stagnant but moves along and transforms itself into different versions 

Yet it always remains 

What once felt to be the love of forever romance became the love of “I want him to be happy’ the love of “I just want what’s best for him” the love of “I’m so happy he’s happy 

Maybe that’s how you know it’s real 

Because it keeps on moving in a good way that brings light to the soul

It adds to the beauty of our heart to know that regardless of where we are we desire the brightest light for another 

That’s what I will forever wish upon that first love 

Bionica

Entonces el amor si es un agente de cambio 

Se transforma en versiones diferentes por mas que permanezca 

Lo que un día fue un romance eterno se convirtió en ese amor en que ‘tan solo quiero que él sea felíz” 

El amor en que “de corazón, le deseo lo mejor”

Ese amor en que ‘me siento feliz porque él es feliz”

Puede que esa sea la indicación de que es genuino 

Porque se mantiene libre y en movimiento de una manera que ilumina el alma 

Le agrega a la belleza del corazón el saber que sin importar donde estemos, le deseamos los rayos de luz mas radiantes 

Eso es precisamente lo que le deseo a ese primer amor 

Bionica