¿Cómo decirte?

Como decirte, que me gustan tus canas 

Decirte que me gustaría pasar mis dedos por tu pelo plateado y dejártelo desarreglado luego de haberte besado 

Como decirte que me gusta la manera que tus brazos me acercan a tu cuerpo tanto que sientes mis suspiros como si fueran tuyos 

Como decirte que me encanta la manera en que tu barba roza mi mejilla cuando te acercas y me das un beso 

Como decirte que me gusta que sabes exactamente lo que quieres 

El hecho de que seas un hombre decidido me atrae 

Y la manera en en que tus labios saben exactamente como besarme al acercarse con delicadeza y decirme que me deseas 

Me llena de alegría ver como tus ojos brillan al hablar con tus hijos 

Me gusta escucharte hablar con ellos porque la felicidad que emites es contagiosa 

Pero lo que pasa es que no quiero que me gusten esas cosas de ti porque me da miedo 

Me da miedo que me gustes demasiado y luego saber que no eres mío 

Me da miedo que me gusta la manera en que me miras 

Y me da miedo saber que quieres besarme cuando yo quiero sentirte 

-Bionica

Toxic Masculinity

Toxic Masculinity
It’s a thing perhaps in the latino culture that we just brush to the side and ‘think nothing of it’
But working with Dominican men I hear things all the time 
Things that are not ok and yet these men find it funny or absolutely normal 

Makes me fee like I have to stand on a soap box with a megaphone letting people know what’s going on 

And yet some just keep on walking by at times while I’m saying what I have to say because I feel strongly about what’s going on 

Like I’m in a loop where I’m the only one that sees certain things apparently and others may think I’m weird or crazy 

Perhaps a little bit of both and maybe I am 

I cannot tell 

May be you can 

So while I’m at work this the conversation seems to turn to me and how I should act towards men 

Because as a woman in 2022 we have the power to make men bend to our will & call or so I’m told 

However I don’t know of a man that I want to personally do my bidding if I’m honest 

And then it was said ‘man if I were younger I would impregnate you and then leave you!’ 

What on the good Lord’s green earth is that?

How does another human being think this let alone say it out loud and other men are silent which lets me know that apparently they agree 

It should not be so challenging to be of the female gender yet some men really are d!cks! 

The fact that a man would even be so vile to want to hurt a woman by abandoning her with his child on purpose is mind-blowing 

Why would you want to do that ON PURPOSE???

What goes through this man’s mind to think this through? 

What does he gain out of making someone endure the physical changes that come with pregnancy, childbirth and then want this woman to raise a child on her own just because?

This is an act of violence against a woman any way you look at it by the simple fact that this man uses something that’s supposed to be beautiful (welcoming life into this world) into an act of pain and suffering knowing how hard it is to be a single mother

Why????

What is it with men?

How do they not realize that they were born from a mother? 

A woman carried them and nurtured them in their womb! 

And yet they know not how to value the amazing sex that is FEMALE 

Mind boggling and preposterous at the same time

No cliff hangers, just thoughts of wonder on how this happens…

-Bionica

Amor

I think that as human beings we are designed to love
This is why many of us probably seek out relationships
We are hoping to feel that wave of warmth that escalates when with someone–a really good someone

But not everyone is right for us or even for themselves at a given moment

And so when this happens there is a domino like effect of what maybe brief pleasure followed by ongoing sadness, upset and what have you

And sometimes anger...

We become angry that someone isn’t the person we want them to be and vive versa

So it’s like we’re stuck in this loop of dislike and we don’t know why

But I think it’s because many times we lack the patience and self discipline to wait for what’s right

In a world where everything is instant, the waiting game isn’t a favorite of many

But at times, when played well, the results make us forget the time spent

At least that’s what some people say

Oh, and it doesn’t have to be romantic eros love either

Sometimes we don’t even get any parental love 

And so we search for kindness in others but don’t always find it 

And when we do, we may want to simply hold on to it for always & evermore 

It happens because we have an innate need to give love and receive it

I just don’t understand what happens to make us forget about love

After all, everything comes back to love

The way we act, the things we lack and try to make up for—it’s all because of love or the absence of such 

Crazy how something we can’t exactly see, is what we are constantly searching for

Grasping on to slivers of faith with hopes that we will find it. 

-Bionica

Aparte

It wasn’t a break-up because they weren’t together 

It was more of a hook-up 

Two people coming together perhaps precisely for that reason 

To make each other reach a peak that they hadn’t before or at least not in a while 

Nonetheless, the break-up of the hook-up was sudden although expected 

Sudden because there were no words communicated to indicate that a sudden halt was coming 

An abrupt stop that would make the tea sets on any moving train rattle if they didn’t shatter upon reaching the floor

Their floor? Hunter green sheets of a polyester blend most likely

Smelling of a laundry detergent I couldn’t decipher with a softness that went unnoticed during the course of events 

Where everything just ended there 

Upon a plush mattress simply holding two people together 

Maybe having them sink within before coming together to move apart once again 

The results on the symbolic floor of a mattress were not what either expected but perhaps more than they thought 

That sometimes two people are just best apart while forming part of something greater in life 

Coming together to point out small things that only they can see so that later on they could show it to the rest of world 

Making the lens of the kaleidoscope different and all the more interesting 

Just because…  

-Bionica

Palabras No Dichas

 No te voy a decir que cada vez que tomo pienso en ti o que me emborracho en tu nombre 

No te lo voy decir porque no hace falta 

No te lo voy a decir porque hay muchas cosas que tu aun no me has dicho aunque falten por decir 

Pero hablando sola me pregunto ¿porqué no has hablado conmigo?

¿Porqué no me has buscado cuando tuviste el tiempo? 

¿Porqué le sigo dando vueltas a lo de nosotros en mi cabeza? 

Yo pensando que estaba mal

Yo pensando que hice algo malo y que tal vez por eso te fuiste 

Pero la verdad es que no fue algo mío pero tal vez algo tuyo y de los dos 

Tal vez tu fallo fue no hablar y contarme lo que pensabas y lo que sentías 

Tal vez tu fallo fue el no ser honesto contigo y conmigo 

Si hubiéramos hablado mas otra cosa sería pero ¿y ahora qué? 

¿Qué nos toca?

Ahora ¿qué hacemos?

¿Ahora qué hago con esos mensajes que me no me has mandado con el teléfono en la mano y el whisky en la mesa, con los ojos cerrados pensando en nosotros? 

¿Ahora qué hago cuando escuche ‘Volverte A Ver’ y no pueda tocar otra canción?

No te lo voy a decir porque tal vez ni tu mismo sepas 

Lo que vas sentir y aun no contarme… 

Bionica 

Learning

For a birthday in her 20s a friend gave her a special card 

A card that read ‘keep following your heart and everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to’ which come to think about it, she may have forgotten to do 

The heart is the best GPS, but she seemed to have forgotten that along the way to this present day 

In the card her friend wished success and happiness and that her dreams would come true 

That was the year that she met them 

The loves that would mark her life forever 

First she met 1 shortly after asking G-d that the man that was to come into her life would see her looking ok, because if he liked her with her hair a mess, then he would like her for real 

She also asked for someone that was her age and as G-d would have it, 1 came into her life 

It was a surprise to her, one that she welcomed although unsure of what to do and what to say 

She felt shy all of a sudden and couldn’t get the words out to say much to him, but at the same time she wished that 1 would be initiate the conversation 

Instead what went on between the two was a silent exchange of energy in which words were not needed

It was all in the way they looked at each other and the comfort that they felt 

For the first time ever, she felt like staying and she couldn’t believe it 

How was it that this was finally happening to her 

Moments of sweetness in which the two were together, holding one another cheek to cheek

But she was overthinking and at the moment in which he was going to turn his face to kiss her she moved 

She thought about the people around them and not about the moment being lived 

Perhaps within their language without words it was lost that she had romanticized a relationship and how things should really happen 

Perhaps if she would have told him he would have listened and would have done things differently 

But she didn’t and maybe he got tired of trying 

But she always kept on waiting 

As she waited she met 2 who really felt for her but caught up in 1 she didn’t know what to do 

Still she gave it a try without really giving all that she could 

Thinking of 1 she lost out on 2 but she learned that both would have a hold on her ever flowing love 

She learned that with 1 she needed more confidence in the person she was, is and would become 

With 2 she learned to take the present moment for what it is and live it 

From both she learned that love is beautiful and best when shared 

She has learned to be in the moment, give the best of herself even if the other is not prepared 

Because in her best is where the truth of her love stands 

Beginning with the self and flowing to the rest 

-Bionica

10:56pm 

Seek & Find

There is always a reward in the leaps we take because once we jump we know that we at least made an effort and if it works out, we have a plus to add to our story 

And so she went for it and took a leap 

She took a chance and wrote a “Dear John” letter and sent it out to the world

A page with words full of hope, wonder and a few questions to be asked 

Shortly after she received a response!

She was surprised and relieved at the same time because it’s always nice when friendships last the test of time 

See, for her it wasn’t about the romance but about the person that had so much to share 

Experiences lived with stories to tell 

It’s always about the person and the coming together of two worlds building on friendship 

Knowing that people can still come together to share great conversation in simplicity 

But alas something must have happened along the way 

As quickly as he replied, his messages stopped 

They didn’t get lost, they just stopped 

It happens in life, with out any clue or reason 

Things just disappear, and then the question is 

What to do?…

-Bionica