To love...

She couldn’t count the ways in which she loved him for they were by far not that many 

She honestly couldn’t understand what it was exactly that made her feel what she did 

But she did feel and she felt a lot 

In the mornings before getting out of bed she could feel herself smiling when she thought of him 

In the afternoons if she saw something with the slightest semblance of his thoughts she felt in awe

And in the evenings it was he who crossed her mind, every single night 

But then she wondered

Did he do the same? 

Could it be that they both held separate silent marathons in which each constantly ran through the other’s thoughts 

Could it really be possible that they both thought of each other just as much?

They had lost each other 

Out of the blue, not to be found again 

But if their gazes were to meet once again–

What would we he say?

What would he do?

Would he remember exactly all that they lived in this life and in the previous one?

Would he just pull her in and take in the smell of her hair, disheveled the way he like it?

Would everything be the same or better?

Would there be enough words to capture the moment?

Could it be that above all he always held on to the memory of her 

Hoping that one day the timing would be right 

And all would fall into place

No more running in opposite directions 

No more running away 

Because this time they would be running together

She didn’t know 

She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know 

To find him and find out…

Bionica 

Lost words...

It had been exactly 12 days after she had sent him that message 

You know, making a joke while apologizing at the same time for the fact that 

Her cute baby girl 5 pound dog totally lunged at hi and tried to leave her mark on him 

By attempting to bite him hard enough through his sweat pants 

Did 5lb cute girl succeed? Well he definitely felt something although he tried to act like it was nothing 

And yet he still hasn’t replied 

He won’t, the fact is that he won’t 

But why? She really wants to know why…

Was it something she said? 

Was it something she did?

Or was it something that she didn’t say or didn’t do?

Why couldn’t he just tell her instead of letting her wonder?

Probably because he isn’t all that interested and doesn’t care to take the time to do so 

Fair enough–she understands, it happens

But then again, she still wonders why!

When she has made a special effort to keep everyone out, she lets her guard down 

For a moment and bam she’s immediately reminded of why she never let anyone in

The thing that she will never understand is why not communicate?

It just makes things so much easier to be honest 

To be in your feelings and just talk about it 

Like the therapy sessions that cost $175 an hour, except that this would be 

With a romantic interest in hopes to really see where things can go 

Alas it doesn’t seem to be a thing 

Will men and women continue to give each other the run around until the end of time?

It seems like it 

What is a girl to do?

Uh hello–make sure that she makes her mark, opens her mouth and says what she’s feeling!

Obvi (even if it is via conversation by oneself with no one to listen but the 5 pound fur baby)

-Bionica 

Timing

6am her day began 

Taking out her dogs and making sure everything was ready for when she left the house at 7am 

7:30 am she was searching for parking hoping to find something near work 

It was going to be a long day 

By 12 noon she had endured a sweat marathon like no other, but that of course was to be expected of a Sunday in June 

By 3pm work was over, the sweat was dry on her clothes and she was hungry 

She made her way to see him, a friend from some time ago 

It would be the second time they would see each other 

Connecting and putting pieces together 

By 5pm they had dinner and the pitchers of beer had come to a stop 

It was 7pm, they had taken a few trains, gotten a little lost and yet they found their way to Wall Street 

There they were, making their way to the top of the world 

Maybe there was something in the air, because that’s where their romance took off 

They came closer together without exactly touching and it was beautiful 

The affection, the love–it was something that seeped from their pores 

The clouds got a sense of it and they wanted to spread the love too 

So they made rain, making sure that everyone who was touched by the water would feel the love they did 

It was 9pm and they were drenched, as if they had decided to take a dip in the Hudson minus the skinny because their clothes was something they forgot to take off 

9:39pm came and their good bye pulled them in, it held them close to the possibility of something new 

And it began…Their kiss was sealed with light, and no amount of darkness could make it go away 

-Bionica

The Two

The thing about them was the way that they just fit together 

Their thoughts, their gestures and even their breaths were all attuned 

They had a special understanding for which words weren’t necessary 

His hand always found its way to her’s and their bodies kept each other warm at all the right times 

Yet they were strangers 

They barely knew each other, they had seen each other but a few times and yet they felt connected 

Words seemed like a mere accessory when it felt that their souls were connected 

But somehow the few words they shared got lost 

They were too far apart yet he saw her everywhere 

He tried to run from her but he couldn’t 

His mornings were always filled with thoughts of her even though she wasn’t there 

He couldn’t understand why 

He gave her up too long ago for her to stay 

But the it was the same with her

She tried running and yet there he was 

Everywhere she turned she found sprinkles that brought her back to him 

She couldn’t understand why 

They were what once was

What was now, was something different 

Separated by time and space with someone else woven into their lives 

Yet they still felt a pull 

Something joining them that couldn’t be seen 

It was an invisible thread that held them together when they were apart 

Would it ever disappear? Could it ever be cut?

She couldn’t say 

She didn’t know 

But it had a purpose and maybe one day she would know…

-Bionica

Evaders

To the gentlemen that never write back and become the ghosts of what once was, thank you

Thank you for the text messages that once upon a time brought a smile to a girl’s face 

Thank you for the beauty of the anticipation right before your call 

Not exactly sure about what went wrong and why you disappeared 

Is there even a point in asking?

Probably not because for all we may know, the problem may not even be the girl 

The problem may be the boy 

Not everyone is able to put into a simple conversation what they’re feeling 

What they’re missing and what they want 

It’s ok, it happens 

The brief moments of togetherness lead to endless ever afters thought over and over again 

Never manifested of course but still worth the while 

To the gentlemen that never write back 

Here’s to hoping that one day you stay and are more than a mirage 

One that is able to properly communicate what you want to say 

So that the ever afters may be more than a thought of what may come to be

Thank you

-Bionica

The Four

It was Friday night and in the red dimmed bar stood 4 different women 

From different age groups, from different families and upbringings, yet there for the same reasons

They needed to work 

Two were at the door collecting the money and the other two inside shaking their thang to make the money 

The two inside had the possibility to make countless money on tips doing what some may say was compromising their integrity

But was it really? Or was it just a smart tactic to stay afloat and make money?

It almost seems like a really intelligent move on a chess board, thinking about how to win at the game 

The two at the door would leave with no more than $90 each 

Yet all 4 were struggling just the same 

Difference being in who did what to make a little bit more 

And society just has a ball when it comes to what is slut shaming

Calling someone out for something that doesn’t concern them 

Because no one ever talks about the one giving the tips making it a ‘thing’ to strip, be a bottle girl or whatever it may be 

So annoying how some people are just all up in another’s business as if they ask for permission every time they’re going to gossip or take a step 

And while they were talking at their rectangular bar table with the dimmed lights she learned that some women make a lot of money selling their undergarments online

A lot of money 

Yet someone that does this may also be slut shamed and as much as she tries she cannot fathom why…

Why is it that it’s always a one way street 

What about the buyer that is no doubt encouraging this 

Because it seems to become harder everyday for women to be able to earn the money they deserve in a position in which they don’t feel like a sexualized object 

Many jobs may want to hire a candidate at a entry level salary when they have incredible experience and are more than qualified for the part 

Everyone has bills to pay and a lifestyle to maintain yet it seems to be quite the challenge to reach the point in which one doesn’t have to become a sexual object in order to live comfortably and not paycheck to paycheck doing something that they enjoy

What a dilema–but how can it be solved?…

Bionica 

The Truth

The more she talked to others, the less that she could believe it 

There were others like her that suffered just like she did 

If not more 

Parents really weren’t all they were cracked up to be 

At least not all 

But in reality, it seemed like the greater majority 

Impinging on their children all that they suffered as a kid in more 

They just said a word and it became a law with out any voting 

Some parents never even cared to know why their kids rebelled 

They never cared to look deeper than what they saw 

They never cared to take the time and actually love 

Some parents have been known to just enforce their authority 

Like a police officer that likes to take advantage due to their stance

They have been known to simply smack their child for saying something that they didn’t like 

They never cared to simply ask why and try to find out how to keep them from feeling like such outburst are ok 

The communication was just never there 

It was a one way street in so many homes 

Awful to know that so many adults never cared to really communicate

To turn the living room into a court room and look at things from all sides 

To see why certain causes are defended so strongly 

Instead they have abused their adulthood to become abusive in ways they will never know 

The sad part is that to them it will never be about becoming better

To them it will never be about something that was wrong 

To them it will be about an ungrateful child that just continues to show disrespect fo going against them 

They will never understand the loneliness they may feel later one because of the absence of their child 

Their child that will simply runaway because they no longer have to withstand the abuse 

To them it will be about someone that left them with out reason 

Never understanding that their behavior was far from ok 

And that there was never a need to be complacent and accept their wrong doings for what they were 

They may never understand that their ‘love’ was nothing more than an expression of all they lacked 

An expression of all they hurt thrown upon someone like a hailing rainstorm at full force 

With out warning and without shelter 

Causing them to run farther and farther seeking the sunshine 

Bionica