That Kind…

There is this one person that I love

This one person that I have loved since my beginning

Without realizing it, this person became my hero and the pearl from my oyster

Granted that perhaps the pearl should have been I, but it didn't matter to me

I would have him be my pearl for always

It mattered little the wrongs he would did

The waves that were to sputter from my eyes would flow some other way, away from him…

An "I love you" there and an "I miss you" here would turn this peppy girl into silly putty for molding

Like chocolate in the summer I would melt–no matter how cold the winter

But it was all bad 

an expired love that could do me know good

It would bring anguish to know that it went so bad

No matter how I would try to coat it, there would be a tang of bitterness in the end

like an allergy, it was something bearable at first, yet soon enough everything around me would shatter and I would sit alone, trembling with fear

My chest would heave and my body would rock back and forth as I wondered "why? why? why doesn't he love me? what did I do?"

It's hard to admit that such could be so wrong for me

After that close bond that is supposed to hold us together 

Those jokes that I would tell him to which he would always laugh at, no matter how bad they were 

He laughed, yes he did laugh, but not at them– he laughed at me

At how gullible my nature was 

At the fact that he could manipulate me so well

Make me see things so differently and have me turn on the world

Perhaps he did love me

But not for a second more than he has loved himself 

I was just an instrument at the circus of his entertainment 

to benefit himself while others laughed at those buttons he pushed

Now it's my time to leave

to leave and not look back but forward to a world on my own

To a future with out you and with out heartache caused by the pounding of your mallet

A mallet which you held while grinning in my face making it seem like a simple joke

I will miss you and still love you

I might even think of you

But I cannot stay with you 

If something good is to come of all this, then I must go now 

I will not run because my mind is made up

You can tap my shoulder and I will close my eyes, but when my foot moves it will be to take a step forward and not look back

love?

-B.