Dear Dominican Men

 This is my letter to the Dominican men that know nothing about hair and perhaps colorism 

As a kid I remember praying to wake up one day and be completely different 

With out a curl to my hair and a name like Melissa 

I wanted to be just like everyone else and tried so hard 

I wanted to fit in and be accepted

So I would fawn over the Pantene commercials that showed women with long, silky straight hair that fanned out as they shook their head

I wanted to be a chica Mirta 

Because if you ran your fingers through their hair there wouldn’t be a snag

I felt so free with my hair loose in a big pajón when my mom would let me

It was as if no one could catch me and I could finally be free 

But then I would get excited for the Just For Me hair relaxer that would leave me tender headed with chemical burns all over my scalp

Because ‘el que quiere moño bonito tiene que aguantar jalones’ (she who wants nice hair has to endure the pain)

I didn’t like it when my mom braided my hair

I just wanted it to be straight and loose

So when the time came I made sure to be at the salon religiously every two weeks

I would let the women pull my hair and fry my scalp and brush it after so that I could be a real Chica Mirta (whatever that means)

I worked so hard to have best hair in high school but it didn’t happen and somehow I wasn’t disappointed 

Once my mom added a track (extensions) to my forever shoulder length hair 

I got so many compliments with it

I could let believe it

I was feeling myself 

But then something happened

I went to the water park shortly after getting my hair relaxed

When my hair got wet someone asked ‘quién se desrizó?’ (who relaxed their hair?) 

I wanted to die

See when you wash your hair after relaxing it

It smells like sulfur, an egg salad you don’t want to eat 

So after that I wasn’t feeling like too much of a treat

That same year I was uptown with my friend

In desperate need of a touch up

My roots were kinky and the rest straight

I walked by a Dominican man that said ‘la que ta peiná’ (the one with her hair done)

How sweet of him to gently hurt my ego 

That was the last time I straightened my hair 

I went to Spain nervous that I wouldn’t be able to last the 5 weeks with my hair looking nice

It lasted for a bit 

I found a fellow black girl to do my hair 

It wasn’t the same 

I held it back with colored scarves to cover my shame

Then my straight and wavy haired friends encouraged me to leave my hair as it was 

And I did

They didn’t laugh 

They didn’t say I should do this or that 

They simply accepted me and liked me as I was 

But I kept on straightening my hair

The ladies at the salon hated me because I put them to work 

One told me that she had to take a ‘calmante’ (pain killer) after blow drying my hair—ouch 

Sometimes I would be asked if I was a church girl because apparently if we have a love for G-d we no longer care for our hair 

The comments at the salon weren’t usually encouraging

It was constantly about trying to change me 

So I stopped going

And boy was it hard

Years later I’m still trying to navigate what’s best for my hair

I’m always looking for a better way to keep these curls hydrated 

One day may be amazing and another may be screaming out for moisture 

Deep instense moisture and love

I’m working on it

Sometimes I braid my hair because it is a protective style 

My hair feels more cared for when I braid it

When I don’t braid it and let it air dry some might think that my hair hates me

Tightening up so much as not to let the finest comb in

But I think my hair is really protecting me so as not to let anything but love in 

But Dominican men don’t see this or understand this 

They don’t know the struggles on our head to make sure these locks feel right 

They think it’s abandonment and carelessness of the self 

When in reality it comes down to embracing the beauty of being black 

With curls in my hair that I shouldn’t hide

Because when I try to

I just doesn’t come out right 

So now I just let it be

But not everyone will see 

Just how happy it makes me

-Bionica 

Hair

 As she twisted the end of her hair into a high bun

She came to the realization that the most complicated relationship a woman will have j

Is not with a man, but with her hair 

How many times have women looked in front of the mirror with a brush or comb in hand 

On the brink of tears of frustration because their hair just wouldn’t cooperate

It’s this thing we have no control over because it honestly does what it wants to do 

Regardless of what women want 

Some women have hair so straight they really have few style options because if they curl it

Well it’s very likely that the hair will uncurl itself shortly after 

There have been times when the comb got tangled in her hair as she tried to straighten it

On another occasion–brace yourself, the comb broke!

Yes, it broke mid way as she was detangling her hair, conditioner and all 

But maybe there is a lesson to be learned thanks to hair 

First, be kind to yourself, condition and be gentle 

Those tight hairstyles that make your head hurt are not necessary 

If your hair, that free spirit it is with a made up mind doesn’t want to be styled differently 

Love it as it is 

Love yourself as you are 

Not everyone will appreciate your style for what it is, but if you do–your hair and your self 

Will be eternally grateful for it 

If you feel like crying because it’s just too much to deal with 

Cry, take a step back and really look at the situation 

What are you trying to change? Is it something that should remain as is?

Is it something that can be worked with differently?

What are the happy possibilities that won’t make you cry?

And if all else fails, just wear it the as is and call it a good hair day!

Make it a good day, at least for you

She had to give in, because that bun was not looking the way she wanted 

So she decided to go with a poof and use a headband for style 

And slowly the relationship got better 

They liked each other a little bit more

It worked!

And so does life… 

Bionica