The Creative

In the opening scenes of 101 & One Dalmations 

She clearly remembers a man burning music sheets 

He was burning the music sheets because he needed to stay warm 

He was an artist 

A starving artist at that 

A man dedicated to his craft so much that he forgot about all else

Simply focusing on what set his soul on fire

That man was a romantic 

Creatives are romantics 

Because as one dedicates their time and energy to their craft 

The realities of life swirl by coming out in the final product 

But the final product is seen as beautiful 

The brush strokes of pain and hurt become a masterpiece 

Romantics 

If you ask me are hurt many times

Life happens and the emotions are escalated so many times

It’s not just happiness but extreme bliss

It isn’t just hurt but excruciating pain 

No in-between 

And many times 

The moments of hurt last much longer than the happy ones

Because in search for happiness there are bouts of rejection that seem to tear at the soul 

But in dedication to the craft of art 

A creative keeps going 

Wiping tears on a canvas that is yet to be completed 

Standing back to see the work that holds a whole story 

But to the viewer, the story isn’t always seen or felt 

Because the focus is on the beauty of the outcome 

The hurt lingers for a little bit 

But it goes away 

It gets taken away but the oohs and ahs of the onlookers changing the landscape 

The flow of energy 

Because it’s strong 

The vibes are strong 

When first seeing the work some may feel it 

The very thing that caused the heart of the artist to pump so quickly in heaving sobs

But after some time 

It is simply a topic of conversation 

Like Van Gogh 

Upon looking at his work we know his story of torment 

But it is no longer felt 

Just another explanation for his actions such as when he physically hurt himself and did a self portrait 

All for love 

The romantic creative

Full of hurt from life and a joie to vivre at the same time 

The artist 

The expresser of both love & pain 

Bionica

 

Married?!

 I’ve turned 28 a couple of times and have done a lot of thinking and self discoveries along the way 

Like how for example once upon a time I thought that I wanted to be married with a career and children by the ripe age of 24

24! Can you believe it? Me, wanting all those things when I barely had a grasp on life and it’s meaning and all it entails 

It didn’t happen the way I thought I wanted and for that I am grateful 

See, at this point marriage is no longer something that I want 

I said it aloud to a man and I think he was surprised 

I haven’t said it to my best friend and I’m a little scared to

See I don’t want to have that conversation with her on how certain things should be experienced… 

Granted I don’t have the same experiences as her but that’s ok 

I’m more than ok with the things that I have experienced and learned and the conclusions that I have come to 

Now, my goal in life is to be happy and full of self love 

It’s what I really want and desire for myself 

Because once I have these two very important things, nothing else will matter

Because I am treating myself like the queen that I am with appreciation for my being and of course Love with a capital L

But a lot of people may misunderstand me and say that I don’t know what I’m talking about or that love comes with a family and children of my own 

Perhaps for them, but not for me 

At least, not anymore

What good is a relationship with another human being when there are parts of me that need major healing? How would I be able to show up for someone else and perform for the role when I am unsure of where I stand?

I’m sure that I could, but not in my very best way 

My very best way to begin anything is understanding the reason as to which I hurt the way I hurt and learning why I bleed the way I bleed to ensure that I keep my pain on that train to healing to evolve and turn it into something else 

It’s imperative for me to achieve a level of self growth that will allow me to look forward to each day knowing that there is no rush because everything is going at the pace it’s supposed to the way that it’s supposed to 

And so when asked if I want to get married I have two choices, lie and get that ‘oh don’t worry you will find someone’ accompanied with a little bit of pity or reply with the truth and say ‘oh, I don’t want to get married’ 

I prefer to work on myself and avoid expressing my unhealed parts on another of human that came to this earth to receive unconditional love that brings joy 

But that may bring forth some strange looks and avoidance of conversation 

So I’ll just keep a look of question on my face and say ‘well, you know–it would be nice…’

As I think to myself ‘why would I want to get married?’

Self to Love

Sometimes she thought about all she wanted as a kid 

To have someone hold her hand 

To have someone accept her perspective 

Understanding that difference is beautiful 

That she will forever be beautiful 

But the world worked quite differently 

It wasn’t allowed to pick out the cards most liked 

It allowed to learn from the best and worst cards dealt 

To take in everything possible before picking another card 

Before making another move…

Something she sometimes lost sight of 

Because she just didn’t know what it was about 

She felt lost 

Like Alice down the rabbit hole 

She didn’t know where she was going or what she was supposed to look for 

There were no signs indicating what to do 

It was something she had to figure out on her own 

In her own time 

Even if it meant going around in circles until the lines became straight 

A door would open up and she would realize that she had to go around it a few times to see it 

It’s all part of the process 

The healing that she very much needed

Bionica

Sole

You could say that she was definitely the fun one 

The wild one that would talk about anything and do just about anything 

Almost like the Samantha Jones of the group 

But in reality, when he looked at her

He saw the lonely type 

The one that did just about anything 

To fill up the void she didn’t know she had 

Looking inside herself never seemed like an option 

To do so would be admitting that there was something missing 

Something that she would never come to terms with because then it would need fixing 

She just wasn’t the fixing type 

She would just put on as many bandaids as possible 

Knowing that with certain movements the bandaid could become loose 

Start coming off at the edges 

But she wouldn’t dare look at them 

She would just keep on moving 

Broken and alone 

Acting as if she didn’t have a care in the world…

-Bionica