Have it your way?

Someone gets upset with me out of the blue because I am expected to help out and fork over the money. No prob I can put it down, but then when I offer, it's' denied as if it were a ridiculous offer. Then why bring it up even?

I understand that graduation was months ago, but that doesn't mean that I haven't done anything. I have made up my mind about something and would like to do it. There is a job that I am holding up to right now that I have no problem with. 

Sure going to an agency may sound key (to you), but it's not what I want. It's not a real job, but a real reel in which I would and can be thrown off into all these directions. Unstable directions that may cause me to loose myself a little which is not what I want. It isn't stable, but more yo-yo like as it is something that fluctuates from one day to another and requires a person to be very limber. 

Listen, I don't feel like bringing my legs up to my ears, while my hands hold my knees so that I can type with my toes. (I have seen that e-mail about that girl that does that in some office while wearing one of those black & something, tights dance costumes) 

What I have is as good as any and I am not complaining. Granted I can be out and about somewhere else right now, but I'm not and I don't mind. So then why do you?

I can tell you tidbits of my plan right now, it's my plan that I know and understand–and also am still working on ;-> Just relax and take what you need and let everything go to the breeze.

Go catch them Zzzz

-B. 

Flow after-school

When we go to school, we do it with the hopes that someday soon we will get ourselves a fascinating job that will pay us money we never had. Something that requires us to dress like it's important and way more than "just a day at the office".

We go through ups and downs, many being downs during our collegiate years in which we think about our lack of money and how come we don't have any. It is because of the fact that what my cousin once told me is still very true "these are the poorest years of you life"–no lol. And of course they are, how could they not be when your a student full time struggling through 5 classes (6 if you're a trooper) while making sure that you have money to buy those energy boosters to keep you going when you have that paper due in 7 hours, plus there is a party every Thursday. It's ALWAYS college night on Thursday!

Oh and on top of that, you must be able to buy that over priced hoodie from the school bookstore to show that you have school spirit and save on a few outfits by just leaving it on in class so that no one will see that you really aren't wearing the latest fashions (or that you haven't done laundry in a week–maybe two).

But yes, those are the woes of a student. A student who is full of hope that one day all of the above will pay off, just like those meal plans that must be included when you dorm. 

Then the day comes when your so excited to graduate and splurge on a dress and even a keg because your friends are coming over, and its YOUR COLLEGE GRADUATION!!! A few weeks pass by and you start to look for work because your low on cash and your parents are already nagging you about it if they aren't telling their friends that your going to get "this job making this money…" It's normal and it happens. Part of life, regardless of the fact that you are a little clueless on what it is that you really want to do and who you are as a person. This is where that "finding yourself" business kicks in and you realize that they weren't physically lost or disoriented from where they were standing, just a little bit unsure of their life. 

Well, now is that time and on top of that, those six months are passing from whence you graduated and Sallie Mae is at your door with an 8% interest rate that just keeps going like the energizer bunny when you can't even write a check that fast. This also has to do with you NOT having the money right now either, but its ok because you can get a deferment to pay it off in 8 years like if it were a house for more than double of what it was originally. 

But I guess, that's what happens when you don't have the cash flow to work with it, a cash flow that you expected to have after studying so hard and waiting those 4-5 years to receive those black calligraphed letters with your name and the word diploma just a few lines away. 

Sigh…the dreams of the student and the work of the graduate. 

I guess that saving during high-school would have been an excellent idea, only that we began at fourteen and didn't really think such a thing would be needed. 

Well, work's knocking someone's door and they must be excited. 

Can you hear it? 

-B.

Listen & Read

Some advice to you pre-collegiate students. So this coming fall you will be freshmen at the school of your choice, your parents choice, or that of your SAT scores. Well congratulations, you are in for quite a ride. Do not, I repeat DO NOT be alarmed, you are in for what they say is the best time of your life, and they are not lying. 

However there are a few tidbits of information that I would like to share with you because it's always good to share, it let's you know that someone cares or at least tries to, 

1. Do try new things 
2. Don't be shy and say hello to that new cutie across the hall or across the classroom, remember that rejection is a part of life and in that case there are always more fish in the sea
3. Don't smoke just to look cool, it's a stinky habit and there are other people out there like me who love their lungs and want to breathe easy–don't mess it up for the rest of us
4. Do not join in the litter chain and spread garbage all over campus, it sucks and is not a cute trend to partake in 
5. Do go in undecided, there is nothing wrong with not know what it is that you want to do, soon enough you will make up your mind and be glad that you got your GE's out of the way and its a great way to save time because you wouldn't be changing your major every other semester 
6. This goes well with #5, but don't be afraid to change your major if you already go in with something set, it's really ok
7. Do try the dorming experience or something of the like, it's part of college and it's part of growing
8. If you can DO go study abroad, it will be an experience that you remember forever, kind of like that first kiss that you wish to repeat, or prefer to forget hehehe, it's like that ; )
9. Don't be afraid to take out student loans if your short on money for classes, because sometimes you just have to 
10. DONT take out student loans to buy clothes and stereo systems that you don't need and will hardly use because it's a waste of money and not very smart–go to school naked if you have to (j/k) or shop at a thrift shop and make it vintage!
11. Don't slack on your credit card payments if you have one, having good credit is important so if there is no need to swipe for something you can't pay now, don't get it
12. Looking good is great, but excess spending is not! I must if I must, reiterate the importance of spending your money wisely, if you want use your debit card, it won't build up your credit, but it won't put it in the negatives either and STAY AWAY from those glamorous loans with high interest rates that you know you aren't going to use for books
13. Ladies you are beautiful yes, but don't make yourselves gullible, you are freshmen, of course those older cuties are going to tell you that you look good and what have you, don't fall into their trap, save yourself the heartache and have good sweet & clean fun
14. Gentleman try out for those sports that you were so good at in high school, they can foster your future careers
15. Join all of the clubs possible even if you only end up liking one, this is how you build your connections, meet people and experience college
16. Try to find an on campus job even if the rate is minimum wage, you should be having fun and studying, not working to get rich–that's what the time after graduation is for, duh!
17. Call mom and tell her you love her if your dorming, she misses you 
18. Don't be afraid to go Greek, there is nothing wrong with being in a fraternity or sorority, just make sure that it's right for you and if you don't end up going on line to pledge, at least you tried
19. DO your homework it gives you more time to party hehe and make sure that your teachers know your name, this should be the number one thing you do because it is important and always comes in handy to have a good relationship with your teacher–more fun to grade you 
20. Go on www.ratemyprofessor.com and if they say that the professor is hard and you don't know him personally, don't take him because you will be kicking yourself later–the chili pepper is for hot professor, so you know
21. Be aware of the freshman 15 which is gained from all that college food, eat  healthy and be healthy–it's ok to have pizza for breakfast, just make sure that your in a good physical condition too
22. Make sure that you know where the health and wellness centers are, they can give free condoms, physicals and some even have HIV testing–WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT!!!!!!!!!
23. Sport your ipod from class to class, it keeps you awake and peppy & if your walking alone, you look super chic with colored earbuds and nice shades
24. The library is there for you to use, take advantage of all those goodies that your campus offers you and make sure you have interned before graduation,  makes job hunting easy 
25. Most importantly HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is college, you can't really do it over again
Love it because you love me 
-B. 

Parents

They don't really know what it is that you do in school, just that you are going for an education and should have probably already graduated–"what's taking you so long anyway?" 

Their hopes for you are to become a doctor, a lawyer or maybe even a teacher because it's a good title and something that they can brag to the ladies at the checkout counter from the five and dime. 

Term papers, research papers or interviews with transcriptions "what is that?" they muse while trying to figure out the purpose of you doing any of the like. 

When you feel like changing your major into something else, talk it over with your friends or even your teacher because your "supposed" student advisor will only tell you what classes you should take with out even asking to see if maybe you already took them. It's an appointment that must be made weeks in advance because of their busy schedule and when you get to the door, before you even knock there is a note that says "running late…" and when your advisor does show up she scribbles down your RAN number on a piece of paper and tells you she has to hurry to get through the line that is out the door. 

OK yeah, whatever!

You study and study knowing that its just something that you have to do although your parents really have no clue what it is that you do in school, but they expect you to get a job as soon as May comes and graduation is done. With out even your diploma in hand they tell you to go job hunting because the competition is fierce (yes fierce, not their choice of words, but mine–vocabulary 101 =p) and "what are you going to be doing home all day anyways?" 

Sure, sure, sure. Send off your students to look for jobs or better yet, try finding one for them in what has nothing to do with their field but tell them to take it anyways because they need "experience", yeah it doesn't matter what kind just as long as you have it. 

So does that mean that if someone went to school for accounting, they should work at the human resource office downtown because they can learn a lot from dealing with cranky people all day with the common denominator that they are unhappy. 

I don't know, call me crazy but I just think that perhaps there should be some sort of break in between for students to really figure out what it is that they want so as to major in such and then not have the pressure of their parents soon after telling them to get a job because after graduation is when we really ask ourselves what it is that we really want to do for the rest of our lives. But of course this is a forbidden topic with parents who can't remember what we majored in and then will say "than why didn't you take that instead?" 

Oh joy oh great! 

The life of the perpetual teenager who is no longer an adolescent but a young adult still going through the same issues, or so I guess.

Are you going through it too?

-B. 

That Kind…

There is this one person that I love

This one person that I have loved since my beginning

Without realizing it, this person became my hero and the pearl from my oyster

Granted that perhaps the pearl should have been I, but it didn't matter to me

I would have him be my pearl for always

It mattered little the wrongs he would did

The waves that were to sputter from my eyes would flow some other way, away from him…

An "I love you" there and an "I miss you" here would turn this peppy girl into silly putty for molding

Like chocolate in the summer I would melt–no matter how cold the winter

But it was all bad 

an expired love that could do me know good

It would bring anguish to know that it went so bad

No matter how I would try to coat it, there would be a tang of bitterness in the end

like an allergy, it was something bearable at first, yet soon enough everything around me would shatter and I would sit alone, trembling with fear

My chest would heave and my body would rock back and forth as I wondered "why? why? why doesn't he love me? what did I do?"

It's hard to admit that such could be so wrong for me

After that close bond that is supposed to hold us together 

Those jokes that I would tell him to which he would always laugh at, no matter how bad they were 

He laughed, yes he did laugh, but not at them– he laughed at me

At how gullible my nature was 

At the fact that he could manipulate me so well

Make me see things so differently and have me turn on the world

Perhaps he did love me

But not for a second more than he has loved himself 

I was just an instrument at the circus of his entertainment 

to benefit himself while others laughed at those buttons he pushed

Now it's my time to leave

to leave and not look back but forward to a world on my own

To a future with out you and with out heartache caused by the pounding of your mallet

A mallet which you held while grinning in my face making it seem like a simple joke

I will miss you and still love you

I might even think of you

But I cannot stay with you 

If something good is to come of all this, then I must go now 

I will not run because my mind is made up

You can tap my shoulder and I will close my eyes, but when my foot moves it will be to take a step forward and not look back

love?

-B. 

Just Go

I don't want to be stuck in a place I don't want to be

I don't want to move forward to get out of the place that I am 

I don't want to look and see what's out there

I need to be pushed and have my eyes opened 

I need to see what's around and what is to change 

I need to be pushed to run and not walk and get it before it goes

That's what I need to do

What about you?

-B

Going & Doing

OMG! Sometimes people can be a little grossera. For real–just because I am not going out with you and decide on being responsible for something does not mean you have to get all Judy Attitudey about it. Yes I can hear it right now "I am sorry. I didn't know that I was doing that" well you were and it sucks. Grow up and get over it man. It's over and now it's time to move on. 

Anyhow, on another note my fellow martian friends, this venetian girl from Venus (hehehe) would like to share that she has no interest in learning how to cook. No I absolutely don't, or at least maybe I didn't and you know what I am quite happy with such and have no problem with it. Granted that I shouldn't care if you do or don't have a problem with it, maybe it's because I like you. Sure…

Whatever.

All I am saying is that it's totally wrong and uncalled for to discriminate someone for their honesty in saying what they think and how they feel. I don't want to learn and and am COMPLETELY fine with cooking what I already know. 

Why does it have to be a big deal anyways? The takeout menus were created for a reason my friend(s). Believe you me, they can be and are quite helpful, just make sure that you have them on speed dial for faster service ; >

Pero, si, how is it possible that you my martian friend would over look a very hot venetian princess just because of her lack of culinary skills. It makes no sense and you know it. It could be that you were trying some of that psychology stuff and maybe it worked, relax I said that maybe it did, not for sure. 

Still I do not want to be patronized not wanting to know. What do I gain with such? Nothing really just being a stubborn person I guess whose logic is currently out of sorts but that's ok because in life, we must know when things are off and accept them as so before putting them back. 

So please take it as it is, a girl that for at least one day is happy with her decision regardless of the fact that you may find it odd. Try it sometime, it feels good even if you know that your wrong. After all the point is to at least know. 

Take it and love it

-B.