Sight & Perception

I read somewhere that the way in which we perceive love has a lot to do with our experiences

For example, if as a kid you were often pushed around by those you cared about

It could be that as an adult you may feel that being treated in a smilier manner equals love, especially from a romantic partner 

But does that make sense? Is it possible that our perception of love changes with every relationship?

If one person is constantly telling us one thing and when we don’t hear that in another relationship do we question the love our current partner has for us? Or could it be that we somehow program our brains to think love is different with each partner?

Probably not, it honestly does make more sense to understand that like a computer our hard drive seems to be programmed a certain way after a period of time in which we have experienced similar patterns in relationships 

It actually does make sense because it just so happens that we grow accustomed to certain behaviors 

Although they may not be the best, they are not foreign and perhaps we feign comfort from such 

Because it’s what we know best… 

So would that explain why I build up so much around unrequited love?

Because I have somehow sabotaged all would and could be relationships by always finding a fault that perhaps never existed?

Because I just never gave a chance to nice relationship for long enough to say, oh wow well those nice words and sweet things, they’re nice…I really like this…

How else could I explain letting go of Miami?

Miami is to this day the sweetest ever 

Kind, expressive and affectionate 

Yet when he told me that he wanted to know if there was still something there while being in a relationship with someone else it made me wonder ‘well now sir, do you think so little of me to disrespect me in not thinking that I would want someone to be completely dedicated to me and not in a ‘secretly’ open relationship?’

But did I tell him this?

No, I did not

‘Why?’ asks no one in particular–because I didn’t care to 

I guess I prefer to cling on to whatever semblance of friendship we may have without making unexpected waves that might not be welcomed 

I don’t know…it could also be chucked up to the fact that I’m an over thinker that needs to learn to love in the moment 

Would that make thins easier? Perhaps. Perhaps life may flow better this way

Perhaps I’ll give it a try, someday… 

But then what about West Coast?

Offered to make some magic in a kitchen 

For me! For me! Can you believe it?

What a guy and I said nothing, nothing at all 

That could again be easily blamed on overthinking and wondering about nonsense 

Instead of being present I thought of too many what ifs that never seems to play, not even a single round of chess… 

But does this even tie in with my experience or inexperience of love and perception?

It may–because the tickets were given to those that could have been done with out 

And now those that would value the ride just get overlooked…

And to change this all now

What do I do?

Simply be present in the moment, breathe, open my eyes, ears and heart 

Maybe…Maybe

-Bionica