It Takes Growth & Maturity

January just started and with all these resolutions for a new year new me

You would think that more people would have a bigger regard for the gift of life and growth 

You would think that as time goes one of the best lessons learned would be to use words

And not violence to bring forth a point 

Yet for some people it’s something that seems non-existent 

Take our American president of the moment 

Sad to say that Donald Trump, commander in chief is making moves on the 

Chess board of life without thinking 

Just moving across the board to his liking as if it were a ski mountain, forgetting that 

other people ski just the same and it would be nice if he were more careful so as not to 

Run into anyone 

But he hasn’t and he doesn’t 

This adult man is a senior citizen that doesn’t seem to have a regard for life 

His team doesn’t seem to think about what adulthood really is 

Being mature to think things through and considering the consequences of an individual’s actions

In kindergarten teachers tell children to use their words and watch what they say at the same time 

We are taught that tantrums bring us no where and neither does violence 

Really it can just give you an ulcer that never goes away and brings forth more complications 

Donald Trump is feeling like an ulcer that’s bringing forth more complications 

The only way to get rid of such is to meditate and slow down without violence 

Using words to communicate not handing out arms to scared humans were born to love 

Not risk their life because of a tantrum felt by a man in power 

A man in power that at 65+ years has so much to learn about the meaning of life 

And what it is to be a good human 

Had it been him going out to fight I’m sure his stance would have been very different 

It appears that he would never go out on a duel, for his ego is too large to even contemplate loss 

But his heart seems rather small to know love, for himself or for others… 

So grown and yet so sad 

-Bionica 

What could she do???

He told her that he loved her 

It could have been the 2nd or the 3rd time that she heard it from him 

She didn’t say anything 

All she did was smile 

What could she say?

I love you too!

No she couldn’t say it

Because with him the lines were blurred

He was different and she was still exploring 

Learning about him and all that he was 

He wasn’t like the other people that came into her life 

With the purpose of simply being friends and offering some good laughs

He was there hoping to be more and she wasn’t sure of what to do

They worked together and things were still building for her 

She didn’t know if it was safe to let her guard down 

But each time she stared into his eyes, she saw something 

Something that she hadn’t seen in a long time 

It was a look deeper than the one Kevin got when he looked at Winnie 

After telling her “I like you, like you” 

But she was scared 

She was afraid that their intimacy wouldn’t be theirs 

But something that belonged to the world 

She was afraid that the secrets that she kept for so long 

Would escape him and find their way to someone else 

She didn’t know what to do 

She was afraid of taking the risk…

She was afraid of holding his hand to later fall into a lettuce batch 

The way Samantha did when Smith held her hand 

But if she fell, would he be there to help her get back up?

She didn’t know…

Bionica 

What Could You Do?

I worked as a waitress before, so many years ago that it just so happened 

That I forgot why I left 

But I couldn’t continue living off of the air after my unemployment had run out 

And after searching high and low I remembered why I no longer worked as a waitress

It just wasn’t my thing 

I didn’t care to rub boiling silverware with an old towel to make sure 

It was completely clean after not getting scrubbed in the 90 degree dishwashing machine 

And yet this place was different 

There was no yelling in the kitchen and the employees were nice 

It was an actual pleasure to serve with these people 

Everyone was encouraged to eat before it got busy 

And after it all happened, the horror began 

Food that had never been touched made its way to the bottom of the garbage can 

Cakes separated from their frosting fell through the center 

Rushing down to make a splat as they reached the bottom 

Next it was the fries, they fell as if they were fighting for nutrition hoping they 

Would reach a hungry stomach and moved as far as they could before landing 

In a scattered mess 

The chicken strips went down in a huddled heap 

Perhaps hoping that if they stayed together someone would reconsider and pick them up 

The bread went down to the pit rather upset 

That after so much work was put into making it 

No one would be able to savor its deliciousness

The coffee would miss out on it’s crevices just like the butter would 

No one would be able to close their eyes in joy and satisfaction as they bit 

Down and chewed such a sweet delight 

All this made her dread dinner time 

Knowing that after so many efforts to make the meals 

So many would forcefully miss out 

What could I do?

Wat could I do? 

Because it was clear that it would be more than wrong for me to save 

These morsels from their impeding falls…

Bionica 

The means

For some reason, she thought that the mean girls had all stayed behind in high school 

Where petty things should stay because after such an experience we grow 

We learn to be better people and do what some may refer to as ‘adulting’ 

But she was wrong because apparently the mean girls are around way past retirement 

And it made her rather sad to think that some people never find real joy

To know that the only way some will experience any sort of happiness is by putting down another 

Or by keeping up the gossip train to feel some sort of momentary spark 

Well it has a lot to say for society 

So much love is missing 

So much understanding and tolerance 

The fact that there are large amounts of people living with out sincerity 

Self love and everything in between is enough to cause more than panic at the disco

It’s scary and sad to know that in a world in which everyone wants to live, laugh and be happy to thrive 

There will always be those who hold you back like the thorn bushes that trap in the flowers…

Bionica

Self to Love

Sometimes she thought about all she wanted as a kid 

To have someone hold her hand 

To have someone accept her perspective 

Understanding that difference is beautiful 

That she will forever be beautiful 

But the world worked quite differently 

It wasn’t allowed to pick out the cards most liked 

It allowed to learn from the best and worst cards dealt 

To take in everything possible before picking another card 

Before making another move…

Something she sometimes lost sight of 

Because she just didn’t know what it was about 

She felt lost 

Like Alice down the rabbit hole 

She didn’t know where she was going or what she was supposed to look for 

There were no signs indicating what to do 

It was something she had to figure out on her own 

In her own time 

Even if it meant going around in circles until the lines became straight 

A door would open up and she would realize that she had to go around it a few times to see it 

It’s all part of the process 

The healing that she very much needed

Bionica

Life

It was hard 

Hard to do all the time 

To be a parent to someone that is supposed to be your partner 

To someone that is supposed to be your equal 

It became too much 

To make up in all the places where his parents lacked 

To mother a grown man pushing 30 was a responsibility she no longer wanted to take on 

She was tired of repeating directions the way the a kindergarten teacher repeats the abc’s 

It was not a song that she wanted to sing 

She was over it 

She realized like so many before her, that all her efforts would never take flight on her 

But another…

Another that would receive everything she worked so hard to make better

Kind of like a potter 

That spins the wheel to mold the clay, that borrows the air to dry the clay and then uses the brush to paint the clay and borrows the heat to seal in the color 

So much efforts done for a piece that will be given away 

But she wasn’t a potter 

She did not want to give away her efforts 

She did not another to reap her harvest 

But it was too late of course 

The efforts she made will make a change 

As soon as she were to walk away 

He would see it all clearly 

Everything that she said 

The words that rose above in her silence 

He would hear it all 

He would use them all and be that person 

The right person a little too late

To belong to another…

Bionica

Thoughts

She wondered, what did she do?

What did she miss?

What game was he playing?

One day it’s I’d love to see you too 

The next day is silent and blank 

Like in between takes of a silent movie 

With a white question mark to show 

In the middle of the screen 

Searching her face for answers she cannot provide 

And so she didn’t 

She was tired of questioning something she would never know the answer to 

She continued going forward 

Occasionally wondering what if 

What could have been 

What could she have changed 

What was it that she did?

And then, something changed 

She grew tired of questioning 

She grew tired of waiting 

And so she moved on by herself 

With out looking back 

With out a question 

She ventured out on her own 

Without thinking of another

She only thought of herself 

Of what would be good for her 

Of what could help her grow 

Of what could help learn 

It was all she had left 

And it was a lot 

To learn to be alone and not just be content 

But to be happy with such 

She found herself 

And she loved herself 

Somehow all it took was a little bit of losing herself…

Bionica