The Love

So yes, love really does evolve 

It doesn’t stay stagnant but moves along and transforms itself into different versions 

Yet it always remains 

What once felt to be the love of forever romance became the love of “I want him to be happy’ the love of “I just want what’s best for him” the love of “I’m so happy he’s happy 

Maybe that’s how you know it’s real 

Because it keeps on moving in a good way that brings light to the soul

It adds to the beauty of our heart to know that regardless of where we are we desire the brightest light for another 

That’s what I will forever wish upon that first love 

Bionica

Entonces el amor si es un agente de cambio 

Se transforma en versiones diferentes por mas que permanezca 

Lo que un día fue un romance eterno se convirtió en ese amor en que ‘tan solo quiero que él sea felíz” 

El amor en que “de corazón, le deseo lo mejor”

Ese amor en que ‘me siento feliz porque él es feliz”

Puede que esa sea la indicación de que es genuino 

Porque se mantiene libre y en movimiento de una manera que ilumina el alma 

Le agrega a la belleza del corazón el saber que sin importar donde estemos, le deseamos los rayos de luz mas radiantes 

Eso es precisamente lo que le deseo a ese primer amor 

Bionica

the Magic

Do you know why NY has never left you?

Because it was magical 

An experience like no other

None of it was planned 

Yet it happened as if the two were actors in a movie 

Following a script that was just too perfect 

From the holding each other close in the rain and running to take the train 

It was all so magical 

The scenes that followed after even more so 

Videos & face times 

The sweetest ever 

Messages and emojis

Between two young kids growing and learning their way in the world 

It will always be special 

It will always be magical and held in a high regard 

Because it will forever be beautiful 

Perhaps other people may miss out on the story 

It may be too good to believe anyway 

But for those two young lovers that lived it 

It will always remain true 

A testament that magic is real 

And that sometimes you just have to let it happen 

So here’s to NY 

The city of love more so than Paris 

Because it happens when you least expect it 

Making you the most thankful for the experiences that follow 

To NY 

Now with some drinks & a smoke 

Bionica

Ahora

Respiro 

Profundo 

Y me pregunto 

Si creamos nuestra propia realidad 

Será que nuestro pasado también?

O la historia de lo que vivimos antes?

Por ejemplo, ¿qué tal si en otra vida nos conocimos? 

Qué tal si en nuestra vida pasada 

Nos hicimos una promesa 

Yo mirándote a los ojos te dije ‘Mi amor, seré siempre tuya, en esta vida y en la próxima. Siempre, te esperaré y nos volveremos a encontrar. En cada vida, volveremos para escribir la historia más linda de nuestro amor.’

Y tu sonriente me aciertas, me dices que si con un beso suave en los labios

Pero queriendo creer que si es verdad 

Que te esperaré y siempre nos volveremos a encontrar 

Luego llegamos al presente 

Aquí estamos 

Tu y yo frente a frente 

Sin saber que hacer 

Sin saber que decir 

Nos miramos sin decir nada 

Nos acercamos buscando algo conocido 

Pero de eso que vivimos 

No tenemos memoria 

Por lo menos por ahora 

Pero cuando nos acercamos 

Nuestros cuerpos se quieren 

Se quieren juntar

Se quieren sentir 

Se quieren tocar 

Y cuando pasa 

Todo calma 

Es algo extraño porque hace tiempo que se andaban buscando 

Y al volverse a encontrar, hay una tranquilidad única en nuestro ser

Porque nuestras células tienen consciencia de lo que nos dijimos hace mucho tiempo 

Se estaban esperando 

Tu y yo pensando que todo era de ahora

Pero resulta que hace tiempo quedamos en esto 

Que mis amores del presente no llegaron a nada porque aunque no me acordara 

Mi alma sabía que te iba encontrar 

Que aunque no te parezca, hay ciertas cosas destinadas a ser 

Como la felicidad en el amor 

Como el amor sano entre pareja 

Algo así como lo de tu y yo…

-Bionica

 

Married?!

 I’ve turned 28 a couple of times and have done a lot of thinking and self discoveries along the way 

Like how for example once upon a time I thought that I wanted to be married with a career and children by the ripe age of 24

24! Can you believe it? Me, wanting all those things when I barely had a grasp on life and it’s meaning and all it entails 

It didn’t happen the way I thought I wanted and for that I am grateful 

See, at this point marriage is no longer something that I want 

I said it aloud to a man and I think he was surprised 

I haven’t said it to my best friend and I’m a little scared to

See I don’t want to have that conversation with her on how certain things should be experienced… 

Granted I don’t have the same experiences as her but that’s ok 

I’m more than ok with the things that I have experienced and learned and the conclusions that I have come to 

Now, my goal in life is to be happy and full of self love 

It’s what I really want and desire for myself 

Because once I have these two very important things, nothing else will matter

Because I am treating myself like the queen that I am with appreciation for my being and of course Love with a capital L

But a lot of people may misunderstand me and say that I don’t know what I’m talking about or that love comes with a family and children of my own 

Perhaps for them, but not for me 

At least, not anymore

What good is a relationship with another human being when there are parts of me that need major healing? How would I be able to show up for someone else and perform for the role when I am unsure of where I stand?

I’m sure that I could, but not in my very best way 

My very best way to begin anything is understanding the reason as to which I hurt the way I hurt and learning why I bleed the way I bleed to ensure that I keep my pain on that train to healing to evolve and turn it into something else 

It’s imperative for me to achieve a level of self growth that will allow me to look forward to each day knowing that there is no rush because everything is going at the pace it’s supposed to the way that it’s supposed to 

And so when asked if I want to get married I have two choices, lie and get that ‘oh don’t worry you will find someone’ accompanied with a little bit of pity or reply with the truth and say ‘oh, I don’t want to get married’ 

I prefer to work on myself and avoid expressing my unhealed parts on another of human that came to this earth to receive unconditional love that brings joy 

But that may bring forth some strange looks and avoidance of conversation 

So I’ll just keep a look of question on my face and say ‘well, you know–it would be nice…’

As I think to myself ‘why would I want to get married?’

Question & Answer

La semana pasada me pregunta mi compañero de trabajo ‘porqué es que las mujeres preguntan ‘que somos?’ cuando las cosas van bien así como están?’

Le contesté con la verdad que yo conozco 

Esa pregunta la hacen cuando el hombre les gusta y quieren mas 

Lo que pasa es que es mas fácil para algunas personas decir ‘me gustas’ de esta manera 

En lugar de hablar con la verdad de frente y tomar el riesgo de que no te digan lo que quieres escuchar saben que para algunos hombres las palabras directas se les pierden y se les hace mas fácil dar una y mil vueltas 

Puede que sea algo difícil aceptar pero la verdad es que cuando un hombre quiere que seas parte de su vida lo sabras sin duda alguna  

Y si no, preguntarle a uno a ver que dice… 

Sometime last week a co-worker asked me in all seriousness ‘why is it that women ask “what are we”’ 

And I had to answer with what I know to be true 

The reason that this question is asked is because the woman has feelings for the man 

However instead of letting him know this directly it’s a game that gets played 

A tango that gets danced 

Because the goal is to have the man think about this relationship with the woman in question 

She wants him to verbalize his feelings for her 

Once it’s all said aloud things change 

There is no going back for the words reached the air and have touched the walls reverberating the sounds of what may or may not be true 

A woman may ask what are we because if the man won’t say what he feels well then perhaps she will say XYZ 

She will follow up with a conversation that probably had to be had at least for her sake 

It may be a hard pill to swallow but when a man wants you to be a part of his life, it’s very likely that you don’t have to ask any questions 

Because he will make sure that you don’t have a doubt in your mind about what he feels for you 

-Bionica 

2AM

Son las 2 de la mañana y aun tengo un peso en la garganta 

Traté de librar me de el peso antes de dormir y nada 

Aun lo tengo y me pregunto como encontrar el alivio 

El alivio para poder respirar, dormir y hasta vivir 

Porque es algo que de alguna manera impide que piense en algo mas 

Entonces trato de ver si seré lo suficiente honesta conmigo para escribir las cosas que no te digo 

En primera esta que he notado algo 

Mientras tu te muestras vulnerable conmigo me mantengo reservada 

Trato de quedarme en un carril distinto al tuyo 

Pero la verdad es que me encantaría manejar contigo 

O por lo menos ser tu co-piloto confiando en el camino que eliges para los dos 

Y entonces porqué no me dejo llevar?

Pues porque pienso mucho las cosas y eso tu ya lo sabes

Sabes que por mas que quisiera no lo hago porque me cuido mucho 

No me arriesgo contigo por que me da miedo 

Me da miedo llegar muy lejos y luego no saber como regresar 

Me da miedo sentir mucho y no ser correspondida de la manera que me gustaría 

Con un amor bonito que quiera estar conmigo y ser parte de mi vida 

Por eso me mantengo al margen 

Porque has sido muy claro conmigo 

Te escucho cuando dices que no me puedes amar

Entonces ¿qué de la vida si no hay amor? 

¿Dónde esta la magia si el amor lo es todo?

Si sabes la respuesta, me dejas saber y me dices como lo haces 

Porque esa es una pregunta que yo aun no puedo responder 

Pero aunque no te lo diga, me parece que tu mas que nada te has dejado llevar y estas sintiendo mucho 

Y no sabes como esconderlo 

Esta siendo honesto contigo mismo y mostrando abiertamente lo que sientes

Entonces me da pesar porque yo no he hecho lo mismo 

Ni al frente de otros, ni a tu vera 

Igual te lo digo aunque ya lo sabes

Se me hace difícil decir te quiero 

Se me hace difícil creer en el amor 

Por mas extraño que parezca, pero es así 

Como que mas bien creo que existe para otras personas 

Pero dudo mucho de ese amor romántico 

Y tal vez no te lo diga lo suficiente, pero si siento algo por ti

Te quiero 

Así de sencillo 

Te quiero cuando me miras, cuando me abrazas

Te quiero cuando me preguntas por lo que es importante para mi 

Te quiero cuando me dices algo bonito 

Pero quererme puede ser un reto 

Para deshacer lo que me ha causado dolor 

Y mostrarme que no hay nada malo en mostrarse vulnerable 

Y que si duele no será para siempre 

Y darme razón para confiar 

No se que te parezca 

Aun no te lo he dicho… 

Bionica

When

Thinking back she couldn’t remember the first time she saw him 

As much as she tried, it wasn’t something she could place 

She did remember the peach blocked hoodie he wore in place of an actual coat 

A little big for a man of his stature is what she thought as it enveloped him in warmth as the cold winter air danced outside 

He would wink at her and she made nothing of it 

He would attempt to flirt with her and she would ignore it

He was as persistent as her ‘no’s’ 

He seriously asked if he could take her out

To which she giggled at the surprised reaction to those around him 

It wasn’t expected 

And still she didn’t answer 

He went on to hold her against his body 

Tight to his chest he asked someone what they thought of them together

He wanted affirmation of how nice he found them to be

But his question was returned with a blank expression 

One that didn’t care to answer the question 

And she laughed, not because of the question, but because of the stare 

Did he notice anything different?

Was he in a bubble while he held her?

Did he avoid the thought that perhaps he shouldn’t have asked?

She didn’t know and didn’t ask 

She simply noticed the reactions to his questions when it came to her 

But she didn’t think about him 

She didn’t know why he asked others and not her 

She didn’t understand anything that he may have felt when he saw her

But she still tried to avoid him until one day she didn’t 

She tried but that day he won 

It was just the two of them and he was close to her 

So close that she could feel his chest rise with each breath 

She looked at him and he looked at her lips 

He leaned in and she didn’t resist 

As his lips enclosed over her’s they both pulled away 

A reflex she didn’t expect from either one 

It happened though 

Marking something between the two that would stay forever 

Because it was a beginning… 

-Bionica