She had been there for more than a year
And there had been a change
A change that became stagnant over time like water in a closed bottle
Out in the sun
It didn’t didn’t drain, it just stayed there
Getting hot and maybe cold and then hot again
Becoming unhealthy
You see
Things got hard
She didn’t think they would ever get so hard
But they did
She felt herself get lost and almost ice over
As if her soul was fading away the way the night does right before dawn
She never thought it was possible
To lose herself the way she almost did so many times before
But this time the labyrinth was just too deep
And she forgot to even look for the door
She forgot that there was a door
Or at least a way out
That’s what it felt like working there
As if everything was just lost
And knowing this
Her hope faded and she stopped dreaming
She stopped feeling
She felt herself go numb, becoming an empty shell
Like a person that just lets themselves get taken over by the water
No longer reaching out for air
She started to fall
Not at all like the person that first pulled open the door ready for her first day of work
The brightness she once had was gone
The place was dimming her light and she knew it
She wasn’t physically the same
Each day was monotonous because she lost her hope for a better day
For a better tomorrow
She knew things weren’t going to change
The false hope she was given became a bitter reality of the truth
That nothing was going to change
She couldn’t keep going
She was tired of just being
So she decided to create her own space and turn away
It could have been hard or it could have been easy
She had no idea and no longer cared
She just wanted to leave
She didn’t have a plan
She didn’t know where to go next
What to do
Or where to even start
But she didn’t care
She knew she just couldn’t stay there
So she walked away
And the hope started to come back
Because she had something to look forward to
Like not having to go back to the toxic job that felt like cyanide slowly taking her strength
The color was coming back to her
Filling her soul with the rainbow that appears after the rainstorm
And she could feel her soul smile when the corners of her lips turned up exposing her pearly whites
It had to happen
A decision to choose herself
And it wasn’t always understood
Some might say that she wasn’t in the right mind set letting a job make her feel the way it did
But some people probably never felt as if their soul was fading everyday as they dragged their body to work
Perhaps because they don’t know about self care
Perhaps because they expect others to do the same and just be there
It wasn’t healthy
At least not for her
She knew it
But she wasn’t sure if anyone else did
So she became her own cheerleader
Working over time to remind herself that it was ok to let go
How else could she accept the possibility of all that was to come
Good things too
Bionica
