Love and a Friend

Love and a friend 

The only thing I’m sure of is that I lost a friend 

How exactly? I cannot say 

But what I can say is that I didn’t want to believe what I read 

I didn’t want to admit the first thought that came to my mind 

But I cannot mention it until I know for sure 

I haven’t told anyone else yet 

But I cried when I found out and I felt slightly surprised at my fragility and vulnerability 

I always try to be logical and understand that when a soul leaves the body it’s because it did everything it was meant to do 

Yet it doesn’t seem to be making things any easier 

So many emotions flowing through like a waterfall, crashing down so hard to shake me and make me think of how the sudden splash of water goes everywhere touching everyone around it 

And I thought of his mom and how he wanted to see her for mother’s day but couldn’t because of the pandemic 

He wanted to do something special for her and felt bad for not being able to see her 

But all around the world, it seems that hugs have gone down a little just for safety 

But perhaps for him, it would have been something to keep him safe 

My heart aches for the woman that I saw years ago before I lost my abuela 

A dutiful nurse that has dedicated her life to make sure people get better

Now I’m wondering who is helping her get better

My heart aches for this woman who has lost her son at a time when for safety reasons, grieving must be done alone 

A pandemic is keeping her family apart when they need to be together the most 

I’m not sure if I’ll ever know what really happened 

But just thinking about it makes my heart ache for the person that was 

For the person that most of all deserved an extra sprinkle of love 

Because as humans we enter the lives of our fellow man sometimes to give and at other times to receive love 

Love the main ingredient that we are to give and take 

And I feel guilty because perhaps I should have given a little more love 

At times I held back keeping to myself, feeling overwhelmed by the space that needed to be filled 

And I’m asking myself if maybe I could have done something to make things better

I feel at fault for not giving enough and selfishly holding back 

Instead of putting myself first I should have thought of the love that could have healed 

Now, love it what I need to take… 

Bionica

Basically

The year is 2020 and I’m registered as a voter for a political party 

A party that I chose when I was 18 and feel that currently has little importance because more than anything the choice of a party can do more to separate than to unite us as humans 

I feel that so many people get caught up in titles and all the comes with it forgetting what really matters 

Using your position in leadership to make things better for everyone 

But this can be forgotten on the political path and I’m just so over the slander 

Who cares what the opponent did or didn’t do, why can’t a person talk about what they have done and are continuing to do 

I don’t recall the first political that is talking about saving the forests which give us air to breathe 

Without said air no human can live yet this is pushed to the back burner if that 

I don’t understand how it is that in 2020 it has been so hard to keep vital things 

Like a clean ocean without garbage so that marine life can thrive and fisherman can have something to fish that isn’t polymer related 

In regards to health, why are insurance companies not providing women with breast pumps but giving men viagra?

Guess what, the ones that need the pumps give birth to the ones that need the viagra 

Why not give them some extra loving when they need it so 

Why aren’t we providing women with fertility treatment to be covered by their insurance 

Why aren’t insurance companies helping women freeze their eggs?

I’m so over women getting the end of the stick that is dusty and literally pointless

The source of life is fighting to breathe and it makes no sense 

When and why has this come to be so?

The basic things that we should be doing are being ignored?

The earth is fighting because humans are mistreating it and then only a select few are running around to un do all the damage

The bees should not be in danger 

Humans were fine before pesticides before and the bees were better off

Fruits in vegetable didn’t need to grow into supersize versions to meet supply and demand 

Humans just need to understand patience and the basic rule of keep your living temple sacred 

Keep the earth clean-beaches, rivers, the polar bears alive because they are cute and cuddly 

Keep planting trees because we need the air to breathe 

Keep the earth from warming up because I’m over the heatwaves with boob sweat and sticky thighs

The whales shouldn’t be eating garbage and we shouldn’t be feeding it to them 

I don’t know about karmic law but what about the law of life-be good and be kind 

It’s that simple 

Putting good things out there 

And having human decency and consideration for others without making it difficult 

The year is 2020 and with all the tools acquired it seems that we still have so much to learn 

Basically we should be loving, tolerant and accepting regardless of sex, belief, nationality… 

Let humans be amazing and don’t make basic needs impossible

ie don’t pollute the water because then what are you going to drink after?

Just saying, it’s not about the party that divides us but should be about the race that unites us

Bionica

True Story

I usually write things in a journal documenting details that I may or may not go back to physically while approaching them from time to time in my mind perhaps with a smile or a pensive look on my face to be understood only by me 

But there was one instance as to which I haven’t gone back to on paper but can still remember the major details and feelings of that day

Way back when the dinosaurs used to roam and I didn’t have a cellphone of my own, my cousin and I boarded the voladora and went with abuela to her second favorite store–after El Mundo, downtown she would be forever loyal to Value City 

So M and I went with her, it was right before I started college and I hadn’t yet turned 18 making M about 11 or 12 

She and I have always had a thing so much so that her sister may have been slightly hurt when I would outright call her my favorite

But that day became not about favorites, it was a day of survival–literally 

See we had roamed that Bergen Mall for what seemed like forever with abuela and then M and I had a thing and we just separated for what seemed like forever because it was 

After searching high and low I couldn’t find her nor abuela 

Then in the most dramatic way possible I saw that girl coming up on the escalator looking from left to right until our eyes met and her hands went up and then back down in an obvious moment of ‘finally!’ 

Yes, finally we were together at last but incomplete 

Where was abuela? In all our search we didn’t bump into her once

And as 2 out of 3 we eventually had to do something 

Approach a cute stranger with a large smile and ask him, ‘I’m sorry but would it be possible for you to lend us your phone?’

And that he did ever so kindly although I wonder if at first he thought it was a flirt because dude it wasn’t… we were literally stranded at the mall with no money for the bus even 

Having my aunt’s number embedded to memory like my kindergarten teacher taught me a few years before–yes this is a joke, maybe a bad one but still one nonetheless 

I called the tia having a point of meeting and when she found us it was this amazing feeling of yessss!!!! 

She went to save us and with a smile 

She hugged us in and when we got back abuela was already there!

Apparently her grand entrance back home was a silent one with a single wave of her hand signaling that she didn’t want to talk about it 

How at almost 18 and 11 or maybe 12 her 2 granddaughters managed to get lost in the mall and never thought of going to the makeup counter to call their party to meet 

But it happened and when it didn’t it was the furthest thing from funny 

Yet now I can’t even think about it with out a rumble of giggles threatening to burst out like skittles that spill over the floor because someone was too excited when they opened them 

That’s the thing about life’s moments 

Sometimes things happen and you wonder ‘when will it be over?’ or ‘how will this go?’ And it just so happens that it goes the way it’s supposed to 

Leaving an imprint of you will remember me forever and laugh 

And I like that because although abuela is no longer here to tell the story, I will always remember it and have that special story with M 

And that guy that lent me his phone, his letter is N and I saw him my first day of school as a freshman in college 

Go figure… A good deed that kept on giving because he was a friendly face to smile at when I didn’t know what would happen going into a University after graduating from a class of less than 50 students 

True story–and a good one at that 

Bionica