Self to Love

Sometimes she thought about all she wanted as a kid 

To have someone hold her hand 

To have someone accept her perspective 

Understanding that difference is beautiful 

That she will forever be beautiful 

But the world worked quite differently 

It wasn’t allowed to pick out the cards most liked 

It allowed to learn from the best and worst cards dealt 

To take in everything possible before picking another card 

Before making another move…

Something she sometimes lost sight of 

Because she just didn’t know what it was about 

She felt lost 

Like Alice down the rabbit hole 

She didn’t know where she was going or what she was supposed to look for 

There were no signs indicating what to do 

It was something she had to figure out on her own 

In her own time 

Even if it meant going around in circles until the lines became straight 

A door would open up and she would realize that she had to go around it a few times to see it 

It’s all part of the process 

The healing that she very much needed

Bionica

Life

It was hard 

Hard to do all the time 

To be a parent to someone that is supposed to be your partner 

To someone that is supposed to be your equal 

It became too much 

To make up in all the places where his parents lacked 

To mother a grown man pushing 30 was a responsibility she no longer wanted to take on 

She was tired of repeating directions the way the a kindergarten teacher repeats the abc’s 

It was not a song that she wanted to sing 

She was over it 

She realized like so many before her, that all her efforts would never take flight on her 

But another…

Another that would receive everything she worked so hard to make better

Kind of like a potter 

That spins the wheel to mold the clay, that borrows the air to dry the clay and then uses the brush to paint the clay and borrows the heat to seal in the color 

So much efforts done for a piece that will be given away 

But she wasn’t a potter 

She did not want to give away her efforts 

She did not another to reap her harvest 

But it was too late of course 

The efforts she made will make a change 

As soon as she were to walk away 

He would see it all clearly 

Everything that she said 

The words that rose above in her silence 

He would hear it all 

He would use them all and be that person 

The right person a little too late

To belong to another…

Bionica

Thoughts

She wondered, what did she do?

What did she miss?

What game was he playing?

One day it’s I’d love to see you too 

The next day is silent and blank 

Like in between takes of a silent movie 

With a white question mark to show 

In the middle of the screen 

Searching her face for answers she cannot provide 

And so she didn’t 

She was tired of questioning something she would never know the answer to 

She continued going forward 

Occasionally wondering what if 

What could have been 

What could she have changed 

What was it that she did?

And then, something changed 

She grew tired of questioning 

She grew tired of waiting 

And so she moved on by herself 

With out looking back 

With out a question 

She ventured out on her own 

Without thinking of another

She only thought of herself 

Of what would be good for her 

Of what could help her grow 

Of what could help learn 

It was all she had left 

And it was a lot 

To learn to be alone and not just be content 

But to be happy with such 

She found herself 

And she loved herself 

Somehow all it took was a little bit of losing herself…

Bionica

Tanto

Tantos sentimientos encontrados 

Primero por él 

Porque siempre pensaba en el 

En su amor 

En su olor 

En el calor que emite su cuerpo cada vez que se abrazan 

Pero no se conocen, por lo menos no del todo 

Tan solo de saludos largos con abrazos que no quieren que se acaben 

Pero igual hay algo 

Algo que ella siente cuando lo ve

Algo que la atrae 

Que la mantiene ahi 

Pensando en el…

No es para nada cursi

Mas bien es extraño 

Cada vez que se acerca, ella lo siente 

Sin que nadie le diga nada 

Ella lo sabe 

Y se pregunta ‘y él? que siente por mí?

Será que él también la siente?

Sin necesidad de mensajes, sin necesidad de llamadas?

Será que él también anticipa su llegada?

No se sabe 

Con el tiempo se han alejado 

Pero solo en cuerpo 

Porque ella no lo puede evitar 

Cada vez que intenta evadir sus recuerdos 

Aparecen y la atrapan como si fuera una tela de araña 

Suave, dócil pero fuerte 

Entonces ella se pierde 

En sus pensamientos sin saber que será 

Sin saber que hacer 

Si dar un paso con otro sin poderlo olvidar 

Esperando y pensando que tal vez mas adelante

El destino los vuelva encontrar….

Bionica

Game of Thrones

Through out its run on HBO, I never took the time to watch an episode of the epic show Game of Thrones. The one show that made so many headlines and people said it was the absolute best. So I took my time and actually watched all 73 episodes after the last episode of the series aired. I heard so many things about the ending that was supposed to be the worst and even came across a petition asking to rewrite the last season.
This petition has more signatures than I could have imagined. If so many people put as much effort into this rewrite towards education and recycling, things may be a little better around the world-but that is a story for another day...
So I saw this show and although it was great and the effects, costumes, actors...everything was good I think we are all entitled to say what we feel about it. It was very well put together and a definite favorite among many at least until 'the end' that so many people complained about.
Yet I cannot understand what all this fuss is about. People are mad that a fictional character with a bad temper and low tolerance to different opinions aside from her's what killed off on a show and saying that the writers are bad. Um hello? Watching the series you learn that as in life, not everything will go as we planned and as in life, you also know that it's not right to have an egotistical person in power.
As soon as I saw the Tarly's get burned alive for refusing to bend the knee my grand affection for Daenerys changed a little because that was just brutal. The woman went off to burn innocent people and do away with an entire city and people are complaining about this?
OMG what is wrong with the world? The writers did an excellent job and putting the seasons together from beginning to end and it's just pretty sucky to know that people are complaining about this the way they are.
On behalf of 'people' I apologize to the amazing writers that did not let the dragon lady keep burning people at a whim. Jon Snow was able to return to the north and the night king was defeated. What more could viewers ask for after all that happened?
Cersei was gone at least so she couldn't control people in her favor either. These 2 women were fighting each other and yet were similar, gnawing for the throne so that they could say what goes.
At least Bran will know to show mercy when needed.
So thank you again for the amazing work and to the people with their panties in a bunch, thank goodness that they are not ruling anyone–or so I hope...
Bionica

Don't kiss me

When they said goodbye

He didn’t try to kiss her 

He didn’t try to move his face closer to her’s when he leaned in 

He didn’t try to aim, go in and kiss 

He simply looked her in the eyes and said ‘we should do this again sometime’ 

And she couldn’t agree more 

She had such a nice time 

The conversation was good and she liked what he had to say 

She enjoyed hearing him go on about how the body is a temple 

She enjoyed hearing him talk about how he loves being able 

To give people the gift of a beautiful memory etched on forever on their skin 

He was just different 

He was open and thoughtful 

He didn’t care to hide anything 

He just expressed what he felt 

And she was able to be herself 

Her childish, wild extra self and he didn’t mind 

He accepted her as she was 

He must have seen something in her that many missed 

And she liked that 

She like that a lot…

Bionica

Non Date

I don’t know if it was a date

Because, what dictates if something is a date?

Why can’t it just be called an outing with a friend 

Perhaps during the first outing we just flirt and hope to say sweet nothings 

But no, not on the first rendezvous 

Something must be left for the next time…

And so on this first not date we sat down and talked 

About so many things I was surprised and pleasantly taken aback 

It was the first time in a long time that the conversation was so good 

In the sense that it was clear 

We talked about life, religion and health 

No romance at all

And it was nice 

It was nice to simply talk without trying to flirt 

It was nice to have an intelligent conversation 

Without someone trying to lay a hand on my thigh 

And when we said goodbye 

There was no kiss on the lips 

It was simple and open 

An I hope to see you soon because this was nice 

Because this was fun

I liked it so much that if it doesn’t happen again 

I wouldn’t be able to despair 

Because for the first time in a long time, I’m not left wondering 

I’m not left out to think about the what if’s 

I simply think about what happened and how nice it was

Accepting the present and enjoying the moment 

And I have him to thank for that…

Bionica