Why?

There is always so much going on in life 

That I ask myself how is it that we forget to show one another compassion 

It’s something that I have yet to understand 

Like the woman that came into my job and told me she’s just a mom 

But really, this kind soul is a super hero that should show of her cape with pride 

She worked so hard in her career countless days and nights excelling in finance 

Racking her brain and working those stress hormones overtime 

So that she could retire early and form a family 

If someone else would see her they would think she’s just a rich white lady 

My thoughts ‘she’s a cool white lady 

Hello!

The woman has a faux fur leopard coat that looks like the one I’m supposed to bring out of storage

And she drives a cool car, a G-Wagon, I think 

And when we spoke about life I heard the voice of an independent, educated woman that is the daughter of immigrants full of pride in where she comes from 

She also makes an effort to teach her daughters fundamental values of gratitude, compassion and humility 

The thing that brings me to a loss is why are downplaying ourselves women?

This is something that should be encouraged and always celebrated 

To be a mom in itself is something so grand that should be celebrated every day of the year, as it is to be human 

Why aren’t we focusing more on the light 

Why is it that we are taught to shy away from our essence and all the great things we bring to light and can bring to light 

I don’t understand. 

-Bionica 

So Is Life...

 Life feels like the biggest sham in the world right now 

After being taught so many things adulthood is about unlearning everything and starting over 

All those things ingrained into my brain that made me feel inadequate for so long 

It’s time to let them go but it’s also so hard because they’ve been a part of me for so long 

And even though it’s a major must to let them go it’s such a challenge to be used to something that feels better and doesn’t keep me doubting my self constantly 

As dualities 

The good the bad and the truth so would that be a duality plus one?

Does someone know?

Anyone know?

-Bionica 

Not the Boyfriend

If you ask her if she has a boyfriend it’s very likely that she may say no 

Because he isn’t her boyfriend 

He is her lover 

A man that she loves in more ways than one

But who?

Who is that man with whom she shares her dreams?

To whom she speaks of her love for the moon and the sun?

Who is this man that knows of the spells she casts and the chains she’s broken?

Who is it that makes her smile at the sound of his voice?

Who is the man at which her body simply succumbs to with a simple kiss?

Ask her of the man that adds color to her world 

The man that is her prince as he has made her his princess 

Just the two of them in their castle 

Ask of the man that fills the cup of her pleasure 

The man that enjoys seeing her next to him when he wakes up with her hair a mess as half of her body is covered by the blanket 

Who is this man that dreamed her up and brought her into his life 

The man that prays for her every morning and every night thanking G-d for the love that came into his life

Who is this man?

The man that makes her dream…

Bionica 

The Creative

In the opening scenes of 101 & One Dalmations 

She clearly remembers a man burning music sheets 

He was burning the music sheets because he needed to stay warm 

He was an artist 

A starving artist at that 

A man dedicated to his craft so much that he forgot about all else

Simply focusing on what set his soul on fire

That man was a romantic 

Creatives are romantics 

Because as one dedicates their time and energy to their craft 

The realities of life swirl by coming out in the final product 

But the final product is seen as beautiful 

The brush strokes of pain and hurt become a masterpiece 

Romantics 

If you ask me are hurt many times

Life happens and the emotions are escalated so many times

It’s not just happiness but extreme bliss

It isn’t just hurt but excruciating pain 

No in-between 

And many times 

The moments of hurt last much longer than the happy ones

Because in search for happiness there are bouts of rejection that seem to tear at the soul 

But in dedication to the craft of art 

A creative keeps going 

Wiping tears on a canvas that is yet to be completed 

Standing back to see the work that holds a whole story 

But to the viewer, the story isn’t always seen or felt 

Because the focus is on the beauty of the outcome 

The hurt lingers for a little bit 

But it goes away 

It gets taken away but the oohs and ahs of the onlookers changing the landscape 

The flow of energy 

Because it’s strong 

The vibes are strong 

When first seeing the work some may feel it 

The very thing that caused the heart of the artist to pump so quickly in heaving sobs

But after some time 

It is simply a topic of conversation 

Like Van Gogh 

Upon looking at his work we know his story of torment 

But it is no longer felt 

Just another explanation for his actions such as when he physically hurt himself and did a self portrait 

All for love 

The romantic creative

Full of hurt from life and a joie to vivre at the same time 

The artist 

The expresser of both love & pain 

Bionica

 

Dream a little...

She had been there for more than a year 

And there had been a change 

A change that became stagnant over time like water in a closed bottle 

Out in the sun 

It didn’t didn’t drain, it just stayed there 

Getting hot and maybe cold and then hot again 

Becoming unhealthy 

You see

Things got hard 

She didn’t think they would ever get so hard 

But they did

She felt herself get lost and almost ice over 

As if her soul was fading away the way the night does right before dawn 

She never thought it was possible 

To lose herself the way she almost did so many times before 

But this time the labyrinth was just too deep 

And she forgot to even look for the door 

She forgot that there was a door 

Or at least a way out 

That’s what it felt like working there

As if everything was just lost 

And knowing this 

Her hope faded and she stopped dreaming 

She stopped feeling 

She felt herself go numb, becoming an empty shell 

Like a person that just lets themselves get taken over by the water 

No longer reaching out for air 

She started to fall 

Not at all like the person that first pulled open the door ready for her first day of work 

The brightness she once had was gone 

The place was dimming her light and she knew it 

She wasn’t physically the same 

Each day was monotonous because she lost her hope for a better day 

For a better tomorrow 

She knew things weren’t going to change 

The false hope she was given became a bitter reality of the truth 

That nothing was going to change

She couldn’t keep going 

She was tired of just being 

So she decided to create her own space and turn away 

It could have been hard or it could have been easy 

She had no idea and no longer cared

She just wanted to leave 

She didn’t have a plan 

She didn’t know where to go next 

What to do 

Or where to even start 

But she didn’t care 

She knew she just couldn’t stay there 

So she walked away 

And the hope started to come back 

Because she had something to look forward to 

Like not having to go back to the toxic job that felt like cyanide slowly taking her strength 

The color was coming back to her 

Filling her soul with the rainbow that appears after the rainstorm 

And she could feel her soul smile when the corners of her lips turned up exposing her pearly whites

It had to happen 

A decision to choose herself 

And it wasn’t always understood 

Some might say that she wasn’t in the right mind set letting a job make her feel the way it did 

But some people probably never felt as if their soul was fading everyday as they dragged their body to work 

Perhaps because they don’t know about self care 

Perhaps because they expect others to do the same and just be there 

It wasn’t healthy 

At least not for her 

She knew it 

But she wasn’t sure if anyone else did

So she became her own cheerleader 

Working over time to remind herself that it was ok to let go 

How else could she accept the possibility of all that was to come 

Good things too

Bionica

Life, motions & emotions

The other day 

A friend mentioned how without any emotions regardless if they’re happy or sad 

With out the love or the fights 

Life is just bland 

And it is 

It can be simple and monotone 

Because emotions add color 

Sometimes too much color that brings forth a sensory overload 

But that’s what life is, the ups & downs 

If there aren’t any lows you might not appreciate the highs 

But boy is it hard 

It can be exhausting sometimes 

Yet when there is nothing 

We truly do wish for something… 

Bionica 

El otro dia 

Un amigo hizo un comentario sobre la vida 

Que sin el enredo de los momentos tristes, felices, peleas & amor 

No hay vida 

Mas que la sencillez de la monotonía 

Porque las emociones le dan color a la vida 

Puede que aveces sea demasiada la estimulación de tantas emociones 

Pero así es la vida, un sube y baja 

En el que sin los momentos malos no se pueden agradecer los momentos buenos 

Uy pero como es difícil aveces 

Llega a ser algo que te deja exhaust@

Pero cuando no hay nada 

En realidad desearías que hubiera algo…

Bionica 

Momentos

 There were times where she would look at him 

In a search for meaning 

Scanning his face hoping to find an indication 

That it was ok to have feelings for him 

She would try to look deep as if searching for a specific word in a crossword puzzle 

But she couldn’t see anything 

Just him 

His thinking eyes 

His silent mouth 

Just him 

But it wasn’t something to search for 

It was different 

When they held hands 

She wouldn’t want to let go 

When he drew her close, her body simply fell into his 

When she held him, she just wanted to keep him safe 

They gravitated towards one another

When they hugged she let go of everything else 

Holding on to that moment 

Closing her eyes to the world and opening up to what they had 

Because it wasn’t anything that she could see

Because it was all that she could feel 

There was a sense of safety in their embraces 

That made her want to stay for always 

Eyes closed, arms snaked around each other 

Just two souls coming together on earth 

And that’s how she knew 

That all which she couldn’t see 

Was simply everything that she could feel 

And so she stayed…

Bionica

Habían momentos en los que ella lo miraba 

Buscando respuestas en su mirada 

A ver si encontraba alguna señal o indicación de que si podía sentir algo por él 

Lo miraba tan fuerte como si estuviera buscando una palabra en un crucigrama

Pero no podía ver nada

Tan solo lo veía a él 

Sus ojos pensativos 

Su boca callada 

Tan solo lo veía a él 

Pero no era nada para buscar 

Era diferente 

Cuando se tomaban de las manos 

Ella no lo quería soltar 

Cuando él se acercaba, su cuerpo se inclinaba al de él 

Cuando ella lo tomaba en sus brazos tan solo quería que él estuviera bien

Cuidarlo de todo 

Al abrazarlo ella se olvidaba de todo lo demás 

Enfocando se en ese preciso momento 

Cerrando los ojos en el mundo para abrirle el paso a lo de ellos 

Pero es que no era algo para ver 

Pero todo lo que ella podía sentir 

Sus abrazos le brindaban confianza 

Tanto así que ella se quería quedar para siempre 

Con los ojos cerrado y perdidos en un abrazo 

Sencillamente dos almas juntándose en la tierra 

Y ahí fue donde ella entendió 

Que todo eso que buscaba 

Simplemente era todo eso que se podía sentir 

Entonces ahi se quedó… 

Bionica 

Y se acabó...

Llegó el día en el que se cansó de las pendejadas 

De querer alguien al que le importara 3 carajos 

Alguien que claramente le pesaba preguntar ‘¿cómo estás?’

Tan horrible le parecía preguntarle a la persona que supuestamente quería ‘¿cómo te sientes?’

Una persona con quien siempre ha podido contar

Por lo menos él con ella

Pero él nunca la tuvo en cuenta 

No mas para utilizar y aprovecharse de su bondad 

Porque sabía que no le podía decir que no 

Y por mas miel que él le echara esos ‘te quiero’ no tenían sabor por que eran falsos 

El querer no hace daño a terceros y si aun se piensa que es querer hiriendo a otro, entonces es penoso que no sepa lo que en realidad es querer 

Pero tenía que pasar 

¿De qué le sirvió?

De inspiración para esas cartas que no llegarían a sus manos 

Escritas a un fantasma que llegó a su vida para luego irse por su cuenta 

Y así toca la vida 

Vivencias que nos enseñan algo que tal vez se entienda luego 

Mientras pasa sencillamente se sienten emociones fuertes 

Pero después decimos ‘eso, me hizo mas fuerte’

Entonces aquí vamos a ser versátiles y fuertes para poder enfrentar todo sin quebrarnos 

Bionica 

The Love

So yes, love really does evolve 

It doesn’t stay stagnant but moves along and transforms itself into different versions 

Yet it always remains 

What once felt to be the love of forever romance became the love of “I want him to be happy’ the love of “I just want what’s best for him” the love of “I’m so happy he’s happy 

Maybe that’s how you know it’s real 

Because it keeps on moving in a good way that brings light to the soul

It adds to the beauty of our heart to know that regardless of where we are we desire the brightest light for another 

That’s what I will forever wish upon that first love 

Bionica

Entonces el amor si es un agente de cambio 

Se transforma en versiones diferentes por mas que permanezca 

Lo que un día fue un romance eterno se convirtió en ese amor en que ‘tan solo quiero que él sea felíz” 

El amor en que “de corazón, le deseo lo mejor”

Ese amor en que ‘me siento feliz porque él es feliz”

Puede que esa sea la indicación de que es genuino 

Porque se mantiene libre y en movimiento de una manera que ilumina el alma 

Le agrega a la belleza del corazón el saber que sin importar donde estemos, le deseamos los rayos de luz mas radiantes 

Eso es precisamente lo que le deseo a ese primer amor 

Bionica

the Magic

Do you know why NY has never left you?

Because it was magical 

An experience like no other

None of it was planned 

Yet it happened as if the two were actors in a movie 

Following a script that was just too perfect 

From the holding each other close in the rain and running to take the train 

It was all so magical 

The scenes that followed after even more so 

Videos & face times 

The sweetest ever 

Messages and emojis

Between two young kids growing and learning their way in the world 

It will always be special 

It will always be magical and held in a high regard 

Because it will forever be beautiful 

Perhaps other people may miss out on the story 

It may be too good to believe anyway 

But for those two young lovers that lived it 

It will always remain true 

A testament that magic is real 

And that sometimes you just have to let it happen 

So here’s to NY 

The city of love more so than Paris 

Because it happens when you least expect it 

Making you the most thankful for the experiences that follow 

To NY 

Now with some drinks & a smoke 

Bionica

Ahora

Respiro 

Profundo 

Y me pregunto 

Si creamos nuestra propia realidad 

Será que nuestro pasado también?

O la historia de lo que vivimos antes?

Por ejemplo, ¿qué tal si en otra vida nos conocimos? 

Qué tal si en nuestra vida pasada 

Nos hicimos una promesa 

Yo mirándote a los ojos te dije ‘Mi amor, seré siempre tuya, en esta vida y en la próxima. Siempre, te esperaré y nos volveremos a encontrar. En cada vida, volveremos para escribir la historia más linda de nuestro amor.’

Y tu sonriente me aciertas, me dices que si con un beso suave en los labios

Pero queriendo creer que si es verdad 

Que te esperaré y siempre nos volveremos a encontrar 

Luego llegamos al presente 

Aquí estamos 

Tu y yo frente a frente 

Sin saber que hacer 

Sin saber que decir 

Nos miramos sin decir nada 

Nos acercamos buscando algo conocido 

Pero de eso que vivimos 

No tenemos memoria 

Por lo menos por ahora 

Pero cuando nos acercamos 

Nuestros cuerpos se quieren 

Se quieren juntar

Se quieren sentir 

Se quieren tocar 

Y cuando pasa 

Todo calma 

Es algo extraño porque hace tiempo que se andaban buscando 

Y al volverse a encontrar, hay una tranquilidad única en nuestro ser

Porque nuestras células tienen consciencia de lo que nos dijimos hace mucho tiempo 

Se estaban esperando 

Tu y yo pensando que todo era de ahora

Pero resulta que hace tiempo quedamos en esto 

Que mis amores del presente no llegaron a nada porque aunque no me acordara 

Mi alma sabía que te iba encontrar 

Que aunque no te parezca, hay ciertas cosas destinadas a ser 

Como la felicidad en el amor 

Como el amor sano entre pareja 

Algo así como lo de tu y yo…

-Bionica

 

Married?!

 I’ve turned 28 a couple of times and have done a lot of thinking and self discoveries along the way 

Like how for example once upon a time I thought that I wanted to be married with a career and children by the ripe age of 24

24! Can you believe it? Me, wanting all those things when I barely had a grasp on life and it’s meaning and all it entails 

It didn’t happen the way I thought I wanted and for that I am grateful 

See, at this point marriage is no longer something that I want 

I said it aloud to a man and I think he was surprised 

I haven’t said it to my best friend and I’m a little scared to

See I don’t want to have that conversation with her on how certain things should be experienced… 

Granted I don’t have the same experiences as her but that’s ok 

I’m more than ok with the things that I have experienced and learned and the conclusions that I have come to 

Now, my goal in life is to be happy and full of self love 

It’s what I really want and desire for myself 

Because once I have these two very important things, nothing else will matter

Because I am treating myself like the queen that I am with appreciation for my being and of course Love with a capital L

But a lot of people may misunderstand me and say that I don’t know what I’m talking about or that love comes with a family and children of my own 

Perhaps for them, but not for me 

At least, not anymore

What good is a relationship with another human being when there are parts of me that need major healing? How would I be able to show up for someone else and perform for the role when I am unsure of where I stand?

I’m sure that I could, but not in my very best way 

My very best way to begin anything is understanding the reason as to which I hurt the way I hurt and learning why I bleed the way I bleed to ensure that I keep my pain on that train to healing to evolve and turn it into something else 

It’s imperative for me to achieve a level of self growth that will allow me to look forward to each day knowing that there is no rush because everything is going at the pace it’s supposed to the way that it’s supposed to 

And so when asked if I want to get married I have two choices, lie and get that ‘oh don’t worry you will find someone’ accompanied with a little bit of pity or reply with the truth and say ‘oh, I don’t want to get married’ 

I prefer to work on myself and avoid expressing my unhealed parts on another of human that came to this earth to receive unconditional love that brings joy 

But that may bring forth some strange looks and avoidance of conversation 

So I’ll just keep a look of question on my face and say ‘well, you know–it would be nice…’

As I think to myself ‘why would I want to get married?’

Question & Answer

La semana pasada me pregunta mi compañero de trabajo ‘porqué es que las mujeres preguntan ‘que somos?’ cuando las cosas van bien así como están?’

Le contesté con la verdad que yo conozco 

Esa pregunta la hacen cuando el hombre les gusta y quieren mas 

Lo que pasa es que es mas fácil para algunas personas decir ‘me gustas’ de esta manera 

En lugar de hablar con la verdad de frente y tomar el riesgo de que no te digan lo que quieres escuchar saben que para algunos hombres las palabras directas se les pierden y se les hace mas fácil dar una y mil vueltas 

Puede que sea algo difícil aceptar pero la verdad es que cuando un hombre quiere que seas parte de su vida lo sabras sin duda alguna  

Y si no, preguntarle a uno a ver que dice… 

Sometime last week a co-worker asked me in all seriousness ‘why is it that women ask “what are we”’ 

And I had to answer with what I know to be true 

The reason that this question is asked is because the woman has feelings for the man 

However instead of letting him know this directly it’s a game that gets played 

A tango that gets danced 

Because the goal is to have the man think about this relationship with the woman in question 

She wants him to verbalize his feelings for her 

Once it’s all said aloud things change 

There is no going back for the words reached the air and have touched the walls reverberating the sounds of what may or may not be true 

A woman may ask what are we because if the man won’t say what he feels well then perhaps she will say XYZ 

She will follow up with a conversation that probably had to be had at least for her sake 

It may be a hard pill to swallow but when a man wants you to be a part of his life, it’s very likely that you don’t have to ask any questions 

Because he will make sure that you don’t have a doubt in your mind about what he feels for you 

-Bionica 

2AM

Son las 2 de la mañana y aun tengo un peso en la garganta 

Traté de librar me de el peso antes de dormir y nada 

Aun lo tengo y me pregunto como encontrar el alivio 

El alivio para poder respirar, dormir y hasta vivir 

Porque es algo que de alguna manera impide que piense en algo mas 

Entonces trato de ver si seré lo suficiente honesta conmigo para escribir las cosas que no te digo 

En primera esta que he notado algo 

Mientras tu te muestras vulnerable conmigo me mantengo reservada 

Trato de quedarme en un carril distinto al tuyo 

Pero la verdad es que me encantaría manejar contigo 

O por lo menos ser tu co-piloto confiando en el camino que eliges para los dos 

Y entonces porqué no me dejo llevar?

Pues porque pienso mucho las cosas y eso tu ya lo sabes

Sabes que por mas que quisiera no lo hago porque me cuido mucho 

No me arriesgo contigo por que me da miedo 

Me da miedo llegar muy lejos y luego no saber como regresar 

Me da miedo sentir mucho y no ser correspondida de la manera que me gustaría 

Con un amor bonito que quiera estar conmigo y ser parte de mi vida 

Por eso me mantengo al margen 

Porque has sido muy claro conmigo 

Te escucho cuando dices que no me puedes amar

Entonces ¿qué de la vida si no hay amor? 

¿Dónde esta la magia si el amor lo es todo?

Si sabes la respuesta, me dejas saber y me dices como lo haces 

Porque esa es una pregunta que yo aun no puedo responder 

Pero aunque no te lo diga, me parece que tu mas que nada te has dejado llevar y estas sintiendo mucho 

Y no sabes como esconderlo 

Esta siendo honesto contigo mismo y mostrando abiertamente lo que sientes

Entonces me da pesar porque yo no he hecho lo mismo 

Ni al frente de otros, ni a tu vera 

Igual te lo digo aunque ya lo sabes

Se me hace difícil decir te quiero 

Se me hace difícil creer en el amor 

Por mas extraño que parezca, pero es así 

Como que mas bien creo que existe para otras personas 

Pero dudo mucho de ese amor romántico 

Y tal vez no te lo diga lo suficiente, pero si siento algo por ti

Te quiero 

Así de sencillo 

Te quiero cuando me miras, cuando me abrazas

Te quiero cuando me preguntas por lo que es importante para mi 

Te quiero cuando me dices algo bonito 

Pero quererme puede ser un reto 

Para deshacer lo que me ha causado dolor 

Y mostrarme que no hay nada malo en mostrarse vulnerable 

Y que si duele no será para siempre 

Y darme razón para confiar 

No se que te parezca 

Aun no te lo he dicho… 

Bionica

When

Thinking back she couldn’t remember the first time she saw him 

As much as she tried, it wasn’t something she could place 

She did remember the peach blocked hoodie he wore in place of an actual coat 

A little big for a man of his stature is what she thought as it enveloped him in warmth as the cold winter air danced outside 

He would wink at her and she made nothing of it 

He would attempt to flirt with her and she would ignore it

He was as persistent as her ‘no’s’ 

He seriously asked if he could take her out

To which she giggled at the surprised reaction to those around him 

It wasn’t expected 

And still she didn’t answer 

He went on to hold her against his body 

Tight to his chest he asked someone what they thought of them together

He wanted affirmation of how nice he found them to be

But his question was returned with a blank expression 

One that didn’t care to answer the question 

And she laughed, not because of the question, but because of the stare 

Did he notice anything different?

Was he in a bubble while he held her?

Did he avoid the thought that perhaps he shouldn’t have asked?

She didn’t know and didn’t ask 

She simply noticed the reactions to his questions when it came to her 

But she didn’t think about him 

She didn’t know why he asked others and not her 

She didn’t understand anything that he may have felt when he saw her

But she still tried to avoid him until one day she didn’t 

She tried but that day he won 

It was just the two of them and he was close to her 

So close that she could feel his chest rise with each breath 

She looked at him and he looked at her lips 

He leaned in and she didn’t resist 

As his lips enclosed over her’s they both pulled away 

A reflex she didn’t expect from either one 

It happened though 

Marking something between the two that would stay forever 

Because it was a beginning… 

-Bionica

Pu$$y

 It’s a pussy revolution!

And baby I’m your solution 

So bring out the carpet for my pussy 

Red orange yellow green blue indigo violet 

I don’t care 

Just bow down to my 

Just bow down to the pussy 

Make way for pussy 

Clap for the pussy 

And Kiss that pussy 

It’s been a long long time 

And this pussy has been in line 

But you gotta set it free and just let things be

Because

It’s a pussy revolution!

And baby I’m your solution

The time has come for you to let the pussy be 

This pussy is a mom 

This pussy is a queen 

This pussy is a king 

And these pussies are a team 

No more oppressions

On our suggestions & opinions 

No more oppressions 

On the bodies of the pussies

Because

It’s a pussy revolution!

And baby I’m your solution

Just give thanks to the pussy 

And ask for consent from the pussy 

If you want to make the pussy whine 

Way before you try to climb 

Be nice to the pussy 

Call out to the pussy 

Kiss the ring on the pussy 

And ask fro consent for the pussy 

This pussy is a cause 

This pussy is a fighter 

This pussy makes laws 

So give it gas like a lighter 

Because

It’s a pussy revolution!

And baby I’m your solution

-Bionica