Thinking...

I’ve had this feeling for a while now 

The feeling that I speak and no one listens 

As if I’m trying to give a sort of warning in an effort to stop something that could be avoided 

Trying to speak a truth that no one will listen to 

People may look here and there but they keep on walking and her words get picked up by the wind 

So it may be heard somewhere in the distance but people may not be sure of what it was that she said 

And of course she isn’t the only person to experience this 

So many people prefer to ignore what’s in front of them perhaps out of convenience 

Or maybe because if they really see, then they would have to acknowledge other things too 

Like their own faults perhaps, like the fact that we’re all guilty of something and so it could be that 

The ego is just too big that some refuse to even make eye contact to see such a thing that would 

Remotely act as a mirror to them 

It could be… 

But so what?

What is wrong in actually admitting a mistake?

To err is human is it not?

And to remediate things is too 

To move forward is too 

To be in the present without pointing out the past seems to be a big challenge for some 

Maybe it has to do with letting go 

It could be tied to forgiveness of self 

Whatever the case, I’m thinking of moving my soap box to my place under the sun 

But this time I’m not going to give words to those that don’t want to hear it 

I’m going to hold my ground and live my truth 

Simple and serene 

Keeping away from those who may not understand 

Because sometimes you just have to move on 

Without looking back 

Understanding that to some you will always be the white background noise that they could never make out 

And that’s ok 

Sometimes it’s more about you 

Than it is about them… 

Bionica 

Jokes...

See the two of them have this joke they share in which she tells her aunt that she’s going to send her a boyfriend 

Her aunt usually giggles at the fact and quickly adds that she’s been waiting for a while now 

But recently her aunt told her that she needs to get it going and get a boyfriend of her own 

And it made her wonder what it is with people and wanting to tell others what to do with a life that isn’t their own 

Her aunt didn’t exactly say this jokingly, it was more on a note of you’re getting older and need to get yourself a partner 

And the thing is that her aunt isn’t the first person to make this not so subtle suggestion

Which makes her think of how people just think it’s an ok thing to do and cross lines that they might not make to much of but in reality as she thought about it, well it was a big thing 

See, it’s more than just finding a boyfriend 

It’s about finding a partner with whom you are able to open up to, show your open wounds and the ones that are still healing and trusting that this person is going to be there as you continue to heal 

It’s about finding someone that understands that way that your mind works and wants to learn more about it because it’s part of the magic that they see in you 

It’s about finding someone for whom you don’t have to translate your soul because there is this unspoken connection between the two that just flows intensely like a waterfall, coming together in a beautiful and very welcomed splash 

But not everyone sees that 

For some it’s about completing certain mandates that society encourages like a board game because those are simply the rules–without really giving thought to the person that is playing the game

She wonders if so many people have these strong feelings of wanting to tell others what to do with their lives because they want to have their go of controlling something and having it go their way 

Could it be a result of pent up frustration in not looking really looking within to live the life that they would love 

In living a life that they learned from their mistakes and took such experiences to make things better 

Or maybe it’s because they don’t want to look at their problems and find it easier to give orders 

Whatever the reason, it just becomes rather exhausting and as she realized certain things

She preferred to spend more and more time by herself 

Not because she didn’t like people, but because she preferred to simply surround herself with love 

She preferred to leave the judgmental thoughts of others out of her forcefield, she decided that other people could keep their need to control and unpleasant words to themselves 

If there was no need to come in contact with such things

Why would she?

Why would anyone?

Bionica 

And then there were 3

I saw on the news that a Long Island beach had to close because of a shark sighting 

Apparently 3 of Jaw’s cousins decided to come to shore and say hello 

So people ran afraid of what might happen 

Yet the ocean is where the sharks live! 

It really shouldn’t be a scary surprise to humans

And so I wonder if anyone ever put on the thinking cap of the shark 

For example, what if the shark said

‘Mayday mayday mayday!! Humans invading our home!!! Get them OUT!!!’

Which is why they decided to bring out the big fins and collectively come together 

To make sure humans stay away 

Instead of being afraid of a shark sighting, humans should be more attentive to caring for the ocean 

Keeping it clean so that the sharks could have a lot of fresh ocean to swim in 

Without having to look for other things at the shore 

It could be that they went to shore in search of food and found humans with sunscreen invading their waters 

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t go to the beach, but I am saying that we need humans need to be more conscious and understand that we share this earth with other species 

I’m saying that we should be more caring and respectful of nature 

Because when we aren’t, the sharks literally just come after us to make sure that we stay back 

Let’s give nature the surprise of her life by showing love and respect, let’s take care of that which is around us without tearing things apart 

In understanding that we live in a shared earth space, we move forward in conscientious decisions fully aware that we can simply affect things for the greater good 

And there is nothing wrong with being good… 

Bionica

Because we ALL matter

I was talking to my friend earlier and she mentioned the stress felt by the civil unrest that is currently going on 

She is friends with a lot of brothers in blue and went on to say that all lives matter 

And I just couldn’t let it go 

Because of the simple truth that all lives matter, activists have come together to make sure this is more than words on paper 

Because all lives matter, we need to ensure that justice is also brought forth against the injustices committed against black people 

If Breonna Taylor were white, you better believe that the people who took her life would have been brought to justice 

It’s a human right that all people deserve and yet in 2020 people of color are denied this for some reason 

And it is exhausting to still have to explain that yes I am a woman, I am black and I am human

This should never be an issue 

But it is 

I’m so over this 

We are all human and should be treated justly 

Money, titles, politics and color should not be an issue

Why have so many people been shot at and lost their life for doing nothing while being black?

Because the justice system simply sees color 

Because the justice system gives privilege in looking the other way when it comes to crimes committed against people of color 

It’s about our human rights 

If it were white kids locked up in cages there would be a huge riot about child abuse 

But these kids have color so no one says anything 

Because all lives matter the same justice that supports white lives should support all lives and bring it all to light 

It’s not about favoritism 

It’s about being human 

It’s about educating yourself about what’s right 

My friend didn’t even know about Breonna Taylor 

No, she doesn’t live under a rock but she didn’t know 

Perhaps because the news outlets don’t give enough coverage about the injustices being done 

Except when it’s a riot and then you can’t look away 

The point of the protests was to bring forth justice ignited by George Floyd 

They were meant to change the world for the better because we all matter

Instead people felt pressure and did what they thought was justice for one man 

When so many other people of color need justice too 

It’s not about having a protest for each black person that has been wronged 

It’s about changing things so that the same measure of justice that is applied to a white person may also be applied to people of color because we all matter 

If there were stricter laws in regards to applying force and the regard for life, Elijah McClain would still be playing the violin to animals at a shelter 

Because anyone with an ‘issue’, that is armed would think twice before harming anyone including a person of color because the eyes of justice would be covered as she is rightfully represented in mythology as we all deserve justice regardless of what we look like  

In 2020 I had to explain to my friend that this is an actual thing 

I told her that as a black woman and she cut me off saying that I’m beautiful and that right there is part of the problem 

Latinos are just as guilty of this systemic racism

By my friend mentioning beauty it’s almost to counteract my being black when being bonita o fea has nothing to do with the conversation 

We need to teach people all over that skin difference in skin color is just that-difference of skin color 

It doesn’t make anyone more or less human because we are all the same

Those adjectives that follow morena pero… need to stop because they aren’t making things any better 

Latinos need to come face to face with the fact that yes you’re black, you’re indigenous and probably white but that’s the magic that makes you who are 

It’s not something to feel shame for because when it is things get complicated like it’s down to choosing sides of who you want to be with 

And humanity should never come to that 

Vanilla and Chocolate are just as delicious together as they are individually 

Never make anyone choose because flavor is flavor and it’s all fantastic 

Bionica

Bearing it All

Sometimes when I write I feel like I’m baring it all for everyone to see

When you’re physically naked it’s like ok well that’s what it is 

But when it’s all emotional–there is just something else there 

Can swirl the butterflies a bit-yes it could be that I just made that up 

But here’s to swirling the butterflies and being a little naked 

Unzipping the jacket that covers the heart… 

Directed to a certain someone that shall remain nameless–

It’s something that I may not admit to you ever 

But maybe I did just fall in love with you after it was all over 

See I felt so many things at once 

It was a wave of emotions and something new that I couldn’t quite process yet

In my mind I had to wait 

I had to have more physical experiences with you 

Not just messages and FaceTime calls 

And when I was with you I felt loved 

Thinking about it now it was almost like a rom-com and we were the main characters 

The two that people are always rooting for because it seems so right 

But though it did 

My mind worked over time and just questioned things 

Asking myself ‘can this really be?’

Perhaps it could have 

It really could have 

But at a slower pace 

To really see how things could be 

But then life happened and the messages became less and less 

To the point that what I sent wasn’t lost in space, just left unanswered 

And I would have completely understood if you would have told me that you met someone 

I would have sent you well wishes because you’re great and you deserve it 

But you didn’t say anything 

And I respected and still do respect your silence 

With admiration for the relationship you have now 

Because I really do want you to be happy 

I feel that I could tell you I love you looking you straight in the eyes 

Not because I want you to overthink your relationship or push me away completely 

But because I genuinely want you to love 

To have that beautiful relationship that sprouts when two people meet and work together 

To make things better, learn from each other and continue growing every day in love and so many other good things 

However I won’t say that to you 

I won’t say anything at all 

I’ll let my words stay on a page 

Maybe say them one day, imagining that they reach your ears 

And that you know that I want you to be happy 

Feeling the love vibes that I’m sending you 

Knowing that its a different friendship between me and you…

Bionica 

Life in Numbers

Sometime ago in high school I remember that I got the number 11 in numerology which equals 2 when added together meaning that this would be my second reincarnation 

I’m not sure too much about reincarnation but I recently began to think about my present life 

I wondered what happened in the past life if there is one to get me to where I am today 

I thought about abundance of money and wondered if Kylie Jenner was giving off the best vibes ever to be who she is in this lifetime 

Or that kid that is apparently making a lot of 0s off his Youtube account and he’s about 6 or 7

But the more I thought about it 

The more I realized that I do have an amazing life 

See everything that happened to get me here was crucial in shaping the person that I am today 

Without having endured the things I have, would I be able to say that I would feel the way that I do today?

There are things that I am currently learning from and all in all it is an experience 

Another one to mold me and teach me 

So as I think back, it could be that perhaps my past life if there was one was pretty darn fine 

Oh and then my other friend said that the double digits ‘son numeros mayores y no se suman…’ (are numbers that aren’t meant to be added but to stay as they are)

Well if that’s the case, I still feel like I have learned a lot because of where I am today 

Keeping me grounded and happy, continuously learning 

So then I wonder, what about the Dalai Lama? Does he keep reincarnating as a Dalai Lama because this man is super spiritual always giving off good vibes and stars…

What constitutes as good enough in this life? I think it’s all about the ego and separation 

Knowing that we are nothing and the earth is everything 

Knowing that we are all the same although different in essence 

With the common purpose to be good humans that make things better not only for ourselves but for everyone 

It’s about sharing and teaching 

Learning what you can and giving what you can 

Because we are all part of this quilt that simply put may have different threads from different places, with the goal of offering collective warmth

Am I on to something?

Not sure ,I’ll let you decide… 

-Bionica

Just Wear It

So the new norm is that you have to wear a mask pretty much everywhere you go 

But although it’s something that has been happening for the past 3 months

I still can’t get used to it 

Having my face covered as I breathe in my own hot breath while picking up bread and cereal at Shoprite isn’t all that fun 

But I do it, because the CDC is as moody as ever and is forever changing their mind

One day you hear the virus lasts days on surfaces and a few weeks later they it doesn’t 

Who does all that and why?

It’s annoying and I’m over it 

But not to the point that I’m going to go out to the supermarket without my mask 

See the way I see it, it’s somehow better to be safe and prevent 

The one thing that I can be sure of is that my mask keeps foreign germs at bay 

And for the girl that has bus pants to go to Shoprite a la Dr. Sheldon B Cooper 

Well it’s a thing I’m going to do just to be extra careful 

And I completely understand that the body needs fresh air to thrive

I mean come on, trees are the lungs of the planet 

But for the moments that I’m inside I’ll wear the mask 

I think about how doctors wear them for surgeries that are hours long 

And I tip my hat to them 

It’s quite a feat 

But for the people that complain about having to wear the mask 

Well, if necessity is the mother of invention then why aren’t they inventing something good like more outdoor spaces with amazing air quality so people can shop outside, to keep enough of a distance that if they want they can forgo wearing a mask if they wish to do so safely 

I’m over hearing complaints with no attempts to a solution 

Get it together people 

Oh and am I the only weirdo that smiles under her mask while wearing dark sunglasses thinking that people can see me while trying to be friendly 

Happens all the time

Ah to be me…

Bionica