What could she do???

He told her that he loved her 

It could have been the 2nd or the 3rd time that she heard it from him 

She didn’t say anything 

All she did was smile 

What could she say?

I love you too!

No she couldn’t say it

Because with him the lines were blurred

He was different and she was still exploring 

Learning about him and all that he was 

He wasn’t like the other people that came into her life 

With the purpose of simply being friends and offering some good laughs

He was there hoping to be more and she wasn’t sure of what to do

They worked together and things were still building for her 

She didn’t know if it was safe to let her guard down 

But each time she stared into his eyes, she saw something 

Something that she hadn’t seen in a long time 

It was a look deeper than the one Kevin got when he looked at Winnie 

After telling her “I like you, like you” 

But she was scared 

She was afraid that their intimacy wouldn’t be theirs 

But something that belonged to the world 

She was afraid that the secrets that she kept for so long 

Would escape him and find their way to someone else 

She didn’t know what to do 

She was afraid of taking the risk…

She was afraid of holding his hand to later fall into a lettuce batch 

The way Samantha did when Smith held her hand 

But if she fell, would he be there to help her get back up?

She didn’t know…

Bionica 

What Could You Do?

I worked as a waitress before, so many years ago that it just so happened 

That I forgot why I left 

But I couldn’t continue living off of the air after my unemployment had run out 

And after searching high and low I remembered why I no longer worked as a waitress

It just wasn’t my thing 

I didn’t care to rub boiling silverware with an old towel to make sure 

It was completely clean after not getting scrubbed in the 90 degree dishwashing machine 

And yet this place was different 

There was no yelling in the kitchen and the employees were nice 

It was an actual pleasure to serve with these people 

Everyone was encouraged to eat before it got busy 

And after it all happened, the horror began 

Food that had never been touched made its way to the bottom of the garbage can 

Cakes separated from their frosting fell through the center 

Rushing down to make a splat as they reached the bottom 

Next it was the fries, they fell as if they were fighting for nutrition hoping they 

Would reach a hungry stomach and moved as far as they could before landing 

In a scattered mess 

The chicken strips went down in a huddled heap 

Perhaps hoping that if they stayed together someone would reconsider and pick them up 

The bread went down to the pit rather upset 

That after so much work was put into making it 

No one would be able to savor its deliciousness

The coffee would miss out on it’s crevices just like the butter would 

No one would be able to close their eyes in joy and satisfaction as they bit 

Down and chewed such a sweet delight 

All this made her dread dinner time 

Knowing that after so many efforts to make the meals 

So many would forcefully miss out 

What could I do?

Wat could I do? 

Because it was clear that it would be more than wrong for me to save 

These morsels from their impeding falls…

Bionica 

The means

For some reason, she thought that the mean girls had all stayed behind in high school 

Where petty things should stay because after such an experience we grow 

We learn to be better people and do what some may refer to as ‘adulting’ 

But she was wrong because apparently the mean girls are around way past retirement 

And it made her rather sad to think that some people never find real joy

To know that the only way some will experience any sort of happiness is by putting down another 

Or by keeping up the gossip train to feel some sort of momentary spark 

Well it has a lot to say for society 

So much love is missing 

So much understanding and tolerance 

The fact that there are large amounts of people living with out sincerity 

Self love and everything in between is enough to cause more than panic at the disco

It’s scary and sad to know that in a world in which everyone wants to live, laugh and be happy to thrive 

There will always be those who hold you back like the thorn bushes that trap in the flowers…

Bionica

Self to Love

Sometimes she thought about all she wanted as a kid 

To have someone hold her hand 

To have someone accept her perspective 

Understanding that difference is beautiful 

That she will forever be beautiful 

But the world worked quite differently 

It wasn’t allowed to pick out the cards most liked 

It allowed to learn from the best and worst cards dealt 

To take in everything possible before picking another card 

Before making another move…

Something she sometimes lost sight of 

Because she just didn’t know what it was about 

She felt lost 

Like Alice down the rabbit hole 

She didn’t know where she was going or what she was supposed to look for 

There were no signs indicating what to do 

It was something she had to figure out on her own 

In her own time 

Even if it meant going around in circles until the lines became straight 

A door would open up and she would realize that she had to go around it a few times to see it 

It’s all part of the process 

The healing that she very much needed

Bionica

Life

It was hard 

Hard to do all the time 

To be a parent to someone that is supposed to be your partner 

To someone that is supposed to be your equal 

It became too much 

To make up in all the places where his parents lacked 

To mother a grown man pushing 30 was a responsibility she no longer wanted to take on 

She was tired of repeating directions the way the a kindergarten teacher repeats the abc’s 

It was not a song that she wanted to sing 

She was over it 

She realized like so many before her, that all her efforts would never take flight on her 

But another…

Another that would receive everything she worked so hard to make better

Kind of like a potter 

That spins the wheel to mold the clay, that borrows the air to dry the clay and then uses the brush to paint the clay and borrows the heat to seal in the color 

So much efforts done for a piece that will be given away 

But she wasn’t a potter 

She did not want to give away her efforts 

She did not another to reap her harvest 

But it was too late of course 

The efforts she made will make a change 

As soon as she were to walk away 

He would see it all clearly 

Everything that she said 

The words that rose above in her silence 

He would hear it all 

He would use them all and be that person 

The right person a little too late

To belong to another…

Bionica

Thoughts

She wondered, what did she do?

What did she miss?

What game was he playing?

One day it’s I’d love to see you too 

The next day is silent and blank 

Like in between takes of a silent movie 

With a white question mark to show 

In the middle of the screen 

Searching her face for answers she cannot provide 

And so she didn’t 

She was tired of questioning something she would never know the answer to 

She continued going forward 

Occasionally wondering what if 

What could have been 

What could she have changed 

What was it that she did?

And then, something changed 

She grew tired of questioning 

She grew tired of waiting 

And so she moved on by herself 

With out looking back 

With out a question 

She ventured out on her own 

Without thinking of another

She only thought of herself 

Of what would be good for her 

Of what could help her grow 

Of what could help learn 

It was all she had left 

And it was a lot 

To learn to be alone and not just be content 

But to be happy with such 

She found herself 

And she loved herself 

Somehow all it took was a little bit of losing herself…

Bionica

Tanto

Tantos sentimientos encontrados 

Primero por él 

Porque siempre pensaba en el 

En su amor 

En su olor 

En el calor que emite su cuerpo cada vez que se abrazan 

Pero no se conocen, por lo menos no del todo 

Tan solo de saludos largos con abrazos que no quieren que se acaben 

Pero igual hay algo 

Algo que ella siente cuando lo ve

Algo que la atrae 

Que la mantiene ahi 

Pensando en el…

No es para nada cursi

Mas bien es extraño 

Cada vez que se acerca, ella lo siente 

Sin que nadie le diga nada 

Ella lo sabe 

Y se pregunta ‘y él? que siente por mí?

Será que él también la siente?

Sin necesidad de mensajes, sin necesidad de llamadas?

Será que él también anticipa su llegada?

No se sabe 

Con el tiempo se han alejado 

Pero solo en cuerpo 

Porque ella no lo puede evitar 

Cada vez que intenta evadir sus recuerdos 

Aparecen y la atrapan como si fuera una tela de araña 

Suave, dócil pero fuerte 

Entonces ella se pierde 

En sus pensamientos sin saber que será 

Sin saber que hacer 

Si dar un paso con otro sin poderlo olvidar 

Esperando y pensando que tal vez mas adelante

El destino los vuelva encontrar….

Bionica

Game of Thrones

Through out its run on HBO, I never took the time to watch an episode of the epic show Game of Thrones. The one show that made so many headlines and people said it was the absolute best. So I took my time and actually watched all 73 episodes after the last episode of the series aired. I heard so many things about the ending that was supposed to be the worst and even came across a petition asking to rewrite the last season.
This petition has more signatures than I could have imagined. If so many people put as much effort into this rewrite towards education and recycling, things may be a little better around the world-but that is a story for another day...
So I saw this show and although it was great and the effects, costumes, actors...everything was good I think we are all entitled to say what we feel about it. It was very well put together and a definite favorite among many at least until 'the end' that so many people complained about.
Yet I cannot understand what all this fuss is about. People are mad that a fictional character with a bad temper and low tolerance to different opinions aside from her's what killed off on a show and saying that the writers are bad. Um hello? Watching the series you learn that as in life, not everything will go as we planned and as in life, you also know that it's not right to have an egotistical person in power.
As soon as I saw the Tarly's get burned alive for refusing to bend the knee my grand affection for Daenerys changed a little because that was just brutal. The woman went off to burn innocent people and do away with an entire city and people are complaining about this?
OMG what is wrong with the world? The writers did an excellent job and putting the seasons together from beginning to end and it's just pretty sucky to know that people are complaining about this the way they are.
On behalf of 'people' I apologize to the amazing writers that did not let the dragon lady keep burning people at a whim. Jon Snow was able to return to the north and the night king was defeated. What more could viewers ask for after all that happened?
Cersei was gone at least so she couldn't control people in her favor either. These 2 women were fighting each other and yet were similar, gnawing for the throne so that they could say what goes.
At least Bran will know to show mercy when needed.
So thank you again for the amazing work and to the people with their panties in a bunch, thank goodness that they are not ruling anyone–or so I hope...
Bionica

Don't kiss me

When they said goodbye

He didn’t try to kiss her 

He didn’t try to move his face closer to her’s when he leaned in 

He didn’t try to aim, go in and kiss 

He simply looked her in the eyes and said ‘we should do this again sometime’ 

And she couldn’t agree more 

She had such a nice time 

The conversation was good and she liked what he had to say 

She enjoyed hearing him go on about how the body is a temple 

She enjoyed hearing him talk about how he loves being able 

To give people the gift of a beautiful memory etched on forever on their skin 

He was just different 

He was open and thoughtful 

He didn’t care to hide anything 

He just expressed what he felt 

And she was able to be herself 

Her childish, wild extra self and he didn’t mind 

He accepted her as she was 

He must have seen something in her that many missed 

And she liked that 

She like that a lot…

Bionica

Non Date

I don’t know if it was a date

Because, what dictates if something is a date?

Why can’t it just be called an outing with a friend 

Perhaps during the first outing we just flirt and hope to say sweet nothings 

But no, not on the first rendezvous 

Something must be left for the next time…

And so on this first not date we sat down and talked 

About so many things I was surprised and pleasantly taken aback 

It was the first time in a long time that the conversation was so good 

In the sense that it was clear 

We talked about life, religion and health 

No romance at all

And it was nice 

It was nice to simply talk without trying to flirt 

It was nice to have an intelligent conversation 

Without someone trying to lay a hand on my thigh 

And when we said goodbye 

There was no kiss on the lips 

It was simple and open 

An I hope to see you soon because this was nice 

Because this was fun

I liked it so much that if it doesn’t happen again 

I wouldn’t be able to despair 

Because for the first time in a long time, I’m not left wondering 

I’m not left out to think about the what if’s 

I simply think about what happened and how nice it was

Accepting the present and enjoying the moment 

And I have him to thank for that…

Bionica

Slave

A slave to my mother 

She carried me for months regardless if she was ready to or not 

And when I was ready, I made my way, not thinking of the pain she was feeling in the process 

Rather selfish now that I think of it, but it was all I knew 

Myself within her, breathing through her, communicating through her 

Everything through her 

It became her duty to teach me everything she wanted me to know 

It became her duty to mold me into the person she wanted to be 

But somewhere along, she lost her way 

She lost sight of what was best 

She lost sight of what was needed 

Having knowledge of what she did, she made a conscious effort to set it all aside 

Things were going to change 

Things were going to be different 

She would not be like the others 

And neither would I 

She constantly made note that all she did was for me 

To become independent and stand on my own 

To make my way in the world without the need of her as my crutch 

But it was not so 

She was too hurtful, she caused too much pain 

All that she knew was falsely intertwined 

It was a love to pretend 

A love of the self and for the self 

But not of health 

The teachings meant to be good and full 

Were in reality frayed like the edges of fabric 

Stemming from the same place and opening up in a direction that leads nowhere 

If pulled it would for sure break down the home from which it came 

But to go out all alone would be suicide 

Throwing a snip of thread to get lost in nothingness 

Similar to what she taught me 

That I had to go go go but whenever I tried tried tried 

She would pull me back and tear some more telling asking if I saw what I was doing to her 

Breaking her down repeatedly with my bad behavior 

It had all become a tug of war 

One in which each tug in which ever direction was enough to throw everything in a frenzy 

As I learned more and more I realized that all of which she wanted, was not for me, but perhaps for her 

She was quite conscious of what made her feel 

Losing all notion of anyone else 

Losing sight of what was right and what may be intelligent 

Her grace was enough to teach you a little but not enough so that you would always have to go back 

But if you happened to ask, well then you would never know 

Why should she teach you? Why would she tell you anything?

At any given point in time you should know what she didn’t tell you 

At any given point in time, you would move forward and then have to pull back 15 steps 

Because you didn’t know where you were going 

It gave her glee to know she was pulling the strings and she would hold me back 

With confusing kindness to shield me away from all that would hurt 

To ensure that I would stay 

To ensure that I would lose sight of any necessary tool to go away 

To make sure that I knew nothing beyond what she taught me 

And only seek what she could show me

Personal Space

It never occurred to her to simply ask someone ‘hey can I drive’

Because it just wasn’t her place 

She was one that understood and liked boundaries 

The thought of personal space gave her the feels 

Respectable distances a thing that she very much enjoyed 

And somehow, there were so many people out there who had no understanding of this 

People that felt completely comfortable going attempting to take her keys 

With the intention of driving her car 

She saw it as a sort of insult to her capacity and complete violation of her space 

This is something that is hers 

How can someone just feel like ‘yea I’m going to completely disregard you and make this mine’

How can someone think this is ok to do to someone else 

When they would clearly make it very evident that if the roles were reversed

The would make sure it would not happen 

Consideration for others has been lost 

It’s the bad kind of selfishness in which a person cares not to learn and observe 

How others may be affected by what they do 

It has become the ‘Time of Me’

And she wasn’t going to sit around for it 

Understanding that she would stand alone 

She already began making her way in solitude…

Bionica 

Just 2

There they were, 2 girls in a coffee shop 

Trying to figure out their lives while drinking a coffee and a hot chocolate 

With 2 half eaten muffins on plastic plates 

Could it be more cliché?

Maybe…

But they talked about everything and nothing at the same time 

Such as how sometimes it’s best to be alone 

If those around you aren’t on the same wavelength 

Well it just means you have to keep on swimming 

They also talked about vibrators and soap when she gifted her friend a 

Portable charger with an Ayurvedic soap 

It was small, pink and pretty 

So the inevitable hiccup giggles came out 

A little soap for the prés a V hahaha 

It was about the jokes that made light of those life experiences 

That could sometimes be too much to handle 

Like the fact that after so much time she still didn’t know where she stood 

She wasn’t sure where she was going 

She wasn’t as lost as she was freshman year of college in a brand new campus 

Because this time she knew what she didn’t want 

But she still had a long way to go to find her way 

The home situation wasn’t that great either 

Not because she was misunderstood, but because no one tried to understand 

To speak her language was an ineffable thought 

Why would anyone dare to make an effort to know something that didn’t involve them?

We only live in a world with billions of people 

To learn more about them to be able to communicate better?

Well now, who does that?

No one at home

No one at home cared to see beyond their 2 hands 

Beyond their world and their cloud 

And that was the problem 

She would never be able to go forward when those around her 

Would constantly work to pull her back…

It was time

To let go without turning back 

Bionica

No me olvides...

No me olvides 

Porque tu amor es del mas lindo que he conocido

Lo que siempre he pedido y lo que no 

Lo que nunca pensé que me hacía falta y lo que sí 

No me olvides 

Porque a ti te tengo constantemente presente 

En las canciones que escucho 

En los cuentos que leo 

Y los super heroes que veo 

No me olvides 

Porque mis lagrimas mas sentidas son las tuyas

Al recordar esos momentos hermosas 

Donde las palabras no hacían falta y los sentimientos sobraban 

No me olvides 

Porque en tu mirada he encontrado un mar de maravillas 

En las que puedo nadar cada día cuando cierro mis ojos y te veo a ti 

No me olvides 

Porque cada mañana te doy los buenos días 

Dando te la bendición mas sincera 

Y en la noches tus abrazos me llenan de calor 

No me olvides 

Porque tu siempre vivirás en mi 

En mi silencio 

En mis aullidos 

En mis susurros 

En mi vida…

Bionica

Como?

Cómo sería posible que de todos sus encuentros, él haya borrado todos los recuerdos de ella?

Es decir, cada detalle de sus momentos vividos 

Por mas bueno o malo que fuera 

De cada uno se aprendió algo 

Se aprendió a no temer y darlo todo

Se aprendió a no buscar el momento perfecto 

Entendió que no hay momento como el presente 

Que los impulsos muchas veces valen la pena 

Que la sinceridad si vale 

Y que los momentos ‘interesantes’ son mas de lo que parecen 

Que el amor tan solo nace 

Que el amor en verdad se siente 

Que el amor para todos es diferente 

Pero que para ellos ha sido el mejor 

Sus encuentros ’sorpresas’ 

La connexion inevitable 

Como si en ves de dos tan solo fueran uno 

Sin necesidad de hablar porque ya se entendían del todo 

Que su silencio decía mas que palabras 

Como olvidarlo todo?

Si de eso aun viven

Si sus lagrimas felices y las tristes llevan el nombre de cada uno 

Si cada vez que se han sentido falta de aire, es porque están lejos 

Cómo seguir pensando que nunca pasó?

-Bionica

Percepción

Pues haber que cuando ella salió de la casa se sentía mas o menos chula 

Pues tenía los labios rojos y los rizos se estaban comportando

Y su ropa no estaba nada mal así que¿qué mas se podía pedir?

Que alguien le dijera que el aire de lluvia le cambió por completo su look del día 

El pelo se le estaba encogiendo como los brillos nuevos de caja 

Todo una bola redonda hasta que se empiezan a usar y pierden hilos y figura 

Que si alguien le hubiera hecho el favor de decirle 

“A ver guapa se te ha desgastado el pinta labios y ahora pareces que estuviste en una pelea y no de besos”

Es que casi se cae de espanto al mirarse en el espejo sin esperar verse en esa facha 

Que ni la cenicienta después de una noche mágica había lucida así 

Gracias a Dios que no le para bolas a muchas cosas 

De lo contrario no volvería salir a la calle por un tiempo por la vergüenza 

Es que hasta para caminar a los cachorros trata de salir lo mas decente posible 

Qué tal que se encuentre con el chico que la esta evadiendo?

Pues por lo menos que la vea algo guapa y piense ‘pero a donde va y sin mi’

Tal vez no piense ni diga eso, pero de que se puede soñar, se puede 

La verdad es que cuando ve algo que tiene arreglo se lo comenta a la persona 

Pero a estas alturas puede que tenga la cara llena de chocolate con un rimell que se le corre 

Demasiado rubor y nuevamente el labial a medias y nadie le dice nada 

Pa la próxima será andar con un letrero que diga 

Si no estoy de ultimas-por favor decidme…

-Bionica

To love...

She couldn’t count the ways in which she loved him for they were by far not that many 

She honestly couldn’t understand what it was exactly that made her feel what she did 

But she did feel and she felt a lot 

In the mornings before getting out of bed she could feel herself smiling when she thought of him 

In the afternoons if she saw something with the slightest semblance of his thoughts she felt in awe

And in the evenings it was he who crossed her mind, every single night 

But then she wondered

Did he do the same? 

Could it be that they both held separate silent marathons in which each constantly ran through the other’s thoughts 

Could it really be possible that they both thought of each other just as much?

They had lost each other 

Out of the blue, not to be found again 

But if their gazes were to meet once again–

What would we he say?

What would he do?

Would he remember exactly all that they lived in this life and in the previous one?

Would he just pull her in and take in the smell of her hair, disheveled the way he like it?

Would everything be the same or better?

Would there be enough words to capture the moment?

Could it be that above all he always held on to the memory of her 

Hoping that one day the timing would be right 

And all would fall into place

No more running in opposite directions 

No more running away 

Because this time they would be running together

She didn’t know 

She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know 

To find him and find out…

Bionica 

Lost words...

It had been exactly 12 days after she had sent him that message 

You know, making a joke while apologizing at the same time for the fact that 

Her cute baby girl 5 pound dog totally lunged at hi and tried to leave her mark on him 

By attempting to bite him hard enough through his sweat pants 

Did 5lb cute girl succeed? Well he definitely felt something although he tried to act like it was nothing 

And yet he still hasn’t replied 

He won’t, the fact is that he won’t 

But why? She really wants to know why…

Was it something she said? 

Was it something she did?

Or was it something that she didn’t say or didn’t do?

Why couldn’t he just tell her instead of letting her wonder?

Probably because he isn’t all that interested and doesn’t care to take the time to do so 

Fair enough–she understands, it happens

But then again, she still wonders why!

When she has made a special effort to keep everyone out, she lets her guard down 

For a moment and bam she’s immediately reminded of why she never let anyone in

The thing that she will never understand is why not communicate?

It just makes things so much easier to be honest 

To be in your feelings and just talk about it 

Like the therapy sessions that cost $175 an hour, except that this would be 

With a romantic interest in hopes to really see where things can go 

Alas it doesn’t seem to be a thing 

Will men and women continue to give each other the run around until the end of time?

It seems like it 

What is a girl to do?

Uh hello–make sure that she makes her mark, opens her mouth and says what she’s feeling!

Obvi (even if it is via conversation by oneself with no one to listen but the 5 pound fur baby)

-Bionica 

Timing

6am her day began 

Taking out her dogs and making sure everything was ready for when she left the house at 7am 

7:30 am she was searching for parking hoping to find something near work 

It was going to be a long day 

By 12 noon she had endured a sweat marathon like no other, but that of course was to be expected of a Sunday in June 

By 3pm work was over, the sweat was dry on her clothes and she was hungry 

She made her way to see him, a friend from some time ago 

It would be the second time they would see each other 

Connecting and putting pieces together 

By 5pm they had dinner and the pitchers of beer had come to a stop 

It was 7pm, they had taken a few trains, gotten a little lost and yet they found their way to Wall Street 

There they were, making their way to the top of the world 

Maybe there was something in the air, because that’s where their romance took off 

They came closer together without exactly touching and it was beautiful 

The affection, the love–it was something that seeped from their pores 

The clouds got a sense of it and they wanted to spread the love too 

So they made rain, making sure that everyone who was touched by the water would feel the love they did 

It was 9pm and they were drenched, as if they had decided to take a dip in the Hudson minus the skinny because their clothes was something they forgot to take off 

9:39pm came and their good bye pulled them in, it held them close to the possibility of something new 

And it began…Their kiss was sealed with light, and no amount of darkness could make it go away 

-Bionica

The Two

The thing about them was the way that they just fit together 

Their thoughts, their gestures and even their breaths were all attuned 

They had a special understanding for which words weren’t necessary 

His hand always found its way to her’s and their bodies kept each other warm at all the right times 

Yet they were strangers 

They barely knew each other, they had seen each other but a few times and yet they felt connected 

Words seemed like a mere accessory when it felt that their souls were connected 

But somehow the few words they shared got lost 

They were too far apart yet he saw her everywhere 

He tried to run from her but he couldn’t 

His mornings were always filled with thoughts of her even though she wasn’t there 

He couldn’t understand why 

He gave her up too long ago for her to stay 

But the it was the same with her

She tried running and yet there he was 

Everywhere she turned she found sprinkles that brought her back to him 

She couldn’t understand why 

They were what once was

What was now, was something different 

Separated by time and space with someone else woven into their lives 

Yet they still felt a pull 

Something joining them that couldn’t be seen 

It was an invisible thread that held them together when they were apart 

Would it ever disappear? Could it ever be cut?

She couldn’t say 

She didn’t know 

But it had a purpose and maybe one day she would know…

-Bionica

Evaders

To the gentlemen that never write back and become the ghosts of what once was, thank you

Thank you for the text messages that once upon a time brought a smile to a girl’s face 

Thank you for the beauty of the anticipation right before your call 

Not exactly sure about what went wrong and why you disappeared 

Is there even a point in asking?

Probably not because for all we may know, the problem may not even be the girl 

The problem may be the boy 

Not everyone is able to put into a simple conversation what they’re feeling 

What they’re missing and what they want 

It’s ok, it happens 

The brief moments of togetherness lead to endless ever afters thought over and over again 

Never manifested of course but still worth the while 

To the gentlemen that never write back 

Here’s to hoping that one day you stay and are more than a mirage 

One that is able to properly communicate what you want to say 

So that the ever afters may be more than a thought of what may come to be

Thank you

-Bionica