Love and a Friend

Love and a friend 

The only thing I’m sure of is that I lost a friend 

How exactly? I cannot say 

But what I can say is that I didn’t want to believe what I read 

I didn’t want to admit the first thought that came to my mind 

But I cannot mention it until I know for sure 

I haven’t told anyone else yet 

But I cried when I found out and I felt slightly surprised at my fragility and vulnerability 

I always try to be logical and understand that when a soul leaves the body it’s because it did everything it was meant to do 

Yet it doesn’t seem to be making things any easier 

So many emotions flowing through like a waterfall, crashing down so hard to shake me and make me think of how the sudden splash of water goes everywhere touching everyone around it 

And I thought of his mom and how he wanted to see her for mother’s day but couldn’t because of the pandemic 

He wanted to do something special for her and felt bad for not being able to see her 

But all around the world, it seems that hugs have gone down a little just for safety 

But perhaps for him, it would have been something to keep him safe 

My heart aches for the woman that I saw years ago before I lost my abuela 

A dutiful nurse that has dedicated her life to make sure people get better

Now I’m wondering who is helping her get better

My heart aches for this woman who has lost her son at a time when for safety reasons, grieving must be done alone 

A pandemic is keeping her family apart when they need to be together the most 

I’m not sure if I’ll ever know what really happened 

But just thinking about it makes my heart ache for the person that was 

For the person that most of all deserved an extra sprinkle of love 

Because as humans we enter the lives of our fellow man sometimes to give and at other times to receive love 

Love the main ingredient that we are to give and take 

And I feel guilty because perhaps I should have given a little more love 

At times I held back keeping to myself, feeling overwhelmed by the space that needed to be filled 

And I’m asking myself if maybe I could have done something to make things better

I feel at fault for not giving enough and selfishly holding back 

Instead of putting myself first I should have thought of the love that could have healed 

Now, love it what I need to take… 

Bionica

Basically

The year is 2020 and I’m registered as a voter for a political party 

A party that I chose when I was 18 and feel that currently has little importance because more than anything the choice of a party can do more to separate than to unite us as humans 

I feel that so many people get caught up in titles and all the comes with it forgetting what really matters 

Using your position in leadership to make things better for everyone 

But this can be forgotten on the political path and I’m just so over the slander 

Who cares what the opponent did or didn’t do, why can’t a person talk about what they have done and are continuing to do 

I don’t recall the first political that is talking about saving the forests which give us air to breathe 

Without said air no human can live yet this is pushed to the back burner if that 

I don’t understand how it is that in 2020 it has been so hard to keep vital things 

Like a clean ocean without garbage so that marine life can thrive and fisherman can have something to fish that isn’t polymer related 

In regards to health, why are insurance companies not providing women with breast pumps but giving men viagra?

Guess what, the ones that need the pumps give birth to the ones that need the viagra 

Why not give them some extra loving when they need it so 

Why aren’t we providing women with fertility treatment to be covered by their insurance 

Why aren’t insurance companies helping women freeze their eggs?

I’m so over women getting the end of the stick that is dusty and literally pointless

The source of life is fighting to breathe and it makes no sense 

When and why has this come to be so?

The basic things that we should be doing are being ignored?

The earth is fighting because humans are mistreating it and then only a select few are running around to un do all the damage

The bees should not be in danger 

Humans were fine before pesticides before and the bees were better off

Fruits in vegetable didn’t need to grow into supersize versions to meet supply and demand 

Humans just need to understand patience and the basic rule of keep your living temple sacred 

Keep the earth clean-beaches, rivers, the polar bears alive because they are cute and cuddly 

Keep planting trees because we need the air to breathe 

Keep the earth from warming up because I’m over the heatwaves with boob sweat and sticky thighs

The whales shouldn’t be eating garbage and we shouldn’t be feeding it to them 

I don’t know about karmic law but what about the law of life-be good and be kind 

It’s that simple 

Putting good things out there 

And having human decency and consideration for others without making it difficult 

The year is 2020 and with all the tools acquired it seems that we still have so much to learn 

Basically we should be loving, tolerant and accepting regardless of sex, belief, nationality… 

Let humans be amazing and don’t make basic needs impossible

ie don’t pollute the water because then what are you going to drink after?

Just saying, it’s not about the party that divides us but should be about the race that unites us

Bionica

True Story

I usually write things in a journal documenting details that I may or may not go back to physically while approaching them from time to time in my mind perhaps with a smile or a pensive look on my face to be understood only by me 

But there was one instance as to which I haven’t gone back to on paper but can still remember the major details and feelings of that day

Way back when the dinosaurs used to roam and I didn’t have a cellphone of my own, my cousin and I boarded the voladora and went with abuela to her second favorite store–after El Mundo, downtown she would be forever loyal to Value City 

So M and I went with her, it was right before I started college and I hadn’t yet turned 18 making M about 11 or 12 

She and I have always had a thing so much so that her sister may have been slightly hurt when I would outright call her my favorite

But that day became not about favorites, it was a day of survival–literally 

See we had roamed that Bergen Mall for what seemed like forever with abuela and then M and I had a thing and we just separated for what seemed like forever because it was 

After searching high and low I couldn’t find her nor abuela 

Then in the most dramatic way possible I saw that girl coming up on the escalator looking from left to right until our eyes met and her hands went up and then back down in an obvious moment of ‘finally!’ 

Yes, finally we were together at last but incomplete 

Where was abuela? In all our search we didn’t bump into her once

And as 2 out of 3 we eventually had to do something 

Approach a cute stranger with a large smile and ask him, ‘I’m sorry but would it be possible for you to lend us your phone?’

And that he did ever so kindly although I wonder if at first he thought it was a flirt because dude it wasn’t… we were literally stranded at the mall with no money for the bus even 

Having my aunt’s number embedded to memory like my kindergarten teacher taught me a few years before–yes this is a joke, maybe a bad one but still one nonetheless 

I called the tia having a point of meeting and when she found us it was this amazing feeling of yessss!!!! 

She went to save us and with a smile 

She hugged us in and when we got back abuela was already there!

Apparently her grand entrance back home was a silent one with a single wave of her hand signaling that she didn’t want to talk about it 

How at almost 18 and 11 or maybe 12 her 2 granddaughters managed to get lost in the mall and never thought of going to the makeup counter to call their party to meet 

But it happened and when it didn’t it was the furthest thing from funny 

Yet now I can’t even think about it with out a rumble of giggles threatening to burst out like skittles that spill over the floor because someone was too excited when they opened them 

That’s the thing about life’s moments 

Sometimes things happen and you wonder ‘when will it be over?’ or ‘how will this go?’ And it just so happens that it goes the way it’s supposed to 

Leaving an imprint of you will remember me forever and laugh 

And I like that because although abuela is no longer here to tell the story, I will always remember it and have that special story with M 

And that guy that lent me his phone, his letter is N and I saw him my first day of school as a freshman in college 

Go figure… A good deed that kept on giving because he was a friendly face to smile at when I didn’t know what would happen going into a University after graduating from a class of less than 50 students 

True story–and a good one at that 

Bionica 

Date Again

I went speed dating when people are supposed to be keeping 13ft apart but really just satay 6 feet apart 

But there really wasn’t any issue keeping distance because it was all done online 

Yep-the screen opened up and it looked like the The Brady Bunch after the lovely couple married and the kids came together 

Except that this was people looking to find a second date and not help Marsha recover after getting hit in the face with a football

I didn’t tell anyone I was going, I just disappeared to my room after dinner…

When I got to the screen, I was about 20 minutes late and met up with a nice young man that was dressed in a red shirt and tie 

I was wearing my everyday grey t-shirt, braids pulled back and not even a smear of lipgloss

Made me feel like I should have made a slight effort

Perhaps put on some eyeliner, mascara for more drama and red lipstick to make a statement 

I didn’t though, I didn’t even bother to show off the curls and have a little va before the vavavoom 

One girl did and her curls were so hydrated you could almost see droplets of coconut oil

However she seemed very disinterested, so much so that I believe she just left the chat without saying a word 

Granted I was wondering how much longer but I didn’t just leave 

I thought it would be rude and since I was already there I should definitely give it a try 

And try I did for a few minutes with a few gentlemen 

The nice thing about meeting virtually is that you don’t have to worry about anyone with hot breath coming too close or trying a little too hard to take you out when all you want to do is put up the peace sign and take a few steps back 

This time the conversation hovered more over the things we’re all doing while staying home and what’s missed most about being outside 

One guy told me he felt he took liberty for granted before now in an apartment for a few weeks he missed being able to walk outside and just be 

A lot of things have come into perspective now that perhaps we tried to avoid before 

One of which I think can be why have we waited to do what really makes us happy?

Why haven’t we bloomed where we have been planted instead of waiting for some cataclysmic moment to kick start our lives and happiness 

There really is no time like the present and no excuse as to why we aren’t doing what we love 

Just a little effort sprinkled with love goes a long way 

One guy works as a carpenter and he told me that he really didn’t care to have a visual conversation but preferred talking over the phone just as was the custom until the dinosaurs went away in the late 1990s and the early 2000s took over with texting 

Oh and while we were all back at the same home screen my dogs barked and everyone wanted to see, but geez I hadn’t even put on lipgloss which simply translates into a no because I didn’t even organize my room 

And I was not about to flip the camera and have other people see the clothes that have yet to be folded 

So the next guy asked me about my dogs and found them to be cute and wished he could have one too but with work and all…but I’m thinking tell your job that people are happier with their fur friends 

I was a temp at a dog friendly building and it was the best thing in the world to see dogs left and right 

Instead of taking cigarette breaks people took necessary take my dog out breaks and everyone was happy 

But that’s just me thinking that happiness should be a priority before all else can really flow 

Then I met a lawyer that I wanted to keep on talking to but before I could send him a private message he signed off and alas I am not Cinderella at the ball 

Without a match, an email or a number 

Bound for another round of speed dating while I don’t do my hair… 

Bionica 

People

In the world there are 2 different types of people 

Those that have a sincere love of animals and those that don’t 

At which point many pet parents will receive odd criticism from those that aren’t 

For sharing such a strong bond with their fur baby, scale baby or tiger baby who knows… 

The beauty in having a pet is that you don’t, you have a member of the family that just isn’t of your species

There is an understanding between you and a way of communication that many fail to understand 

Some people will ask themselves why another has a dog and if there is more than one ‘why so many’ 

And I think to myself, has anyone ever asked a human why do you have so many kids when you can barely take care of yourself?

Because as a dog parent of 3 we are in a constant fest of love, funnies and amazement 

All the time even when they bark at Sandy Squirrel and think that they can bark commands to which she will adhere to and climb down the tree–Sandy won’t but it’s cute to see their persistence 

And one of my inner giggle moments is when one starts barking and then the other 2 join in as if to say we’re a pack and support each other 

A beautiful camaraderie that is missed by humans at times 

Being dog mom makes me happiest because there is never a dull moment and the babies are always loving and welcoming even after they’ve been reprimanded for stealing a snack out of someone’s hand or lifting a paw and letting the water fall-literally 

But the same can’t be said with humans 

If you have a teenager he or she may be constantly angry for no apparent reason but this could be helped with actual conversation and a whole bunch of other things 

Yet humans don’t always do it, they just leave it to time… 

Not my fur babies, they make sure to inch their way closer and lay down, paws up waiting for a belly rub and saying but you love me and I love you and I’m your baby!!! 

Humans wish this would happen after a fight, a bunch of love that just warms your heart and makes you smile 

But it doesn’t really happen 

Yet I don’t go around telling people how to rule their roost of humans or to slow things down in the production department because it’s not anyones business but their’s 

Still I wonder what makes it their business to put forth such dislike for a relationship that they cannot comprehend but is able to make a person visibly happier 

The world may never know 

But I may forever prefer my fur friends and fur lovers 

It’s just a different kind of group among animal people 

A different kind of vibe for an even cooler kind of tribe 

Bionica

The Woman

There is a global pandemic and all around the world people are asked to stay home unless they have to go out 

I’m a mother of 3 amazing fur babies so our poop walks are a major must 

Because when nature calls, we gotta answer

Yet living with a mother of humans I see how these things don’t seem to apply to her as she went out in search for a beauty supply that would be open and provide her with some extravagant hair at a value price

After finding out that none were open she went on to wash her hair at home but happily complied when her hair dresser told her she could stop by if need be as no one else would be in the salon 

The thing is that no one really needs to be out in the salon but I understand that this woman works doing hair to make a living so I understand her fear to run out of money and braveness to venture out with out need–no, not really–lady should just stay home and tell the person she rents from that it’s a global thing and everything is on pause 

But before receiving this call the woman thought about doing her hair in the garage and calling the braid lady who works for Instacart and is constantly outside and of which little is know about her hygiene at times such as a pandemic 

Then she went out to see her brother to pick up some food amid Easter preparations along with some protective face masks that were kindly accepted

Yet still this has nothing to do with an actual need per say…

Oh and this woman was quite audacious in welcoming her boyfriend home to spend the night as well while he may or may not quarantine at home 

Up until now, hand washing was not a ‘thing’ for a lot of people and it still isn’t 

They just use gloves and think that makes a different 

Well um no, it’s the same thing except that the germs are not directly on your skin but if you touch your face with gloves, well that still counts as germs to the face-but ok 

Another occasion came and the woman went out again to pick up some birthday cake and stew amid a quiet celebration that must be kept indoors due to the virus 

At which moment I assisted trying to be nice after speaking to said woman’s brother who indicated that someone must go to hold down the stew that had no lid 

Literally no lid although such could be a great title to be used at a later moment… 

And as I arrived I felt bombarded with hypocritical words as I heard the brother talk about the seriousness of the current world matter of which I am very much aware being that I read and write about it daily 

However this is coming from a man that went out to by non essential balloons for a daughter that turned 16-my man could have drawn them on her door with washable chalk with out having to go out

There was also a cake purchased which was not baked at home when it could have been done to avoid unnecessary travel 

Yet I am criticized for taking my fur babies out for their very necessary walks at which time I also feel a literal breath of fresh air taking in the sun and it’s rays and when it’s raining and we’re on the walk I still have to do it because they still have to ‘go’ 

The woman goes on to talk about how I don’t wear gloves when I use sanitizer constantly if I’m out on a necessary run to the grocery store to make sure my levels are up like Super Mario when he gets the red ‘shroom 

But somehow the woman attacks me for this 

I feels as if I am at court trying to state my case against a jury that is out to contradict me just because 

Without caring to hear my plea and actually listen to my reason I am told by the woman that I am disrespectful and ungrateful 

Because as sad as it is to admit, any sort of disagreement is seen as such to the woman 

And not as a conversation with an adult that cares to defend herself when she feels bombarded left and right 

I guess the woman just sees one thing to be true and that is whatever she says… 

Bionica 

I want to know–

It appears–well no, it doesn’t appear 

It just so happens that in a period of 4 days I received 4 unsolicited pictures from a man with no shirt  that was making a kissing face at the camera 

In one instance he asked ‘like what you see?’ And I didn’t now what to say 

So I said ‘of course’ but what was I supposed to say?

Nothing and ignore someone like the times my texts messages have been ignored

Or do I say something, just anything?

What was I supposed to say? 

‘Um no, not really. Put a shirt a on. And why are you sending these?’

Honestly, why was he sending them?

They were random snaps out of the blue with the conversation that went

‘Hey love, good morning’ or ‘how is your day going?’ Followed by short replies of ‘fine’ ‘all is well’ or my favorite ‘can’t complain’

Could that be secret code for ‘show me the d’?

Because if it is, I didn’t know… 

Oh and there’s more to add to the pot 

He sent a random message at night with a picture saying it was a ‘pant-less’ party 

Um excuse me? A what?

I’m trying to be cool and just ignore here and keep even more distance so I didn’t say anything but really?

But I guess that wasn’t enough because he asked if that scared me off

To which I replied I’m sorry, but let’s keep the pants on 

I don’t feel comfortable going to a ‘pant-less’ party 

And if I were, the person would know darn well that I’m the one initiating it ;)

What is it with boys being weird?

Can we be adults and try to at least flirt 

If know one is flirting back it means ‘back off’ not send me pictures and stay out of my dm 

And so I wondered who in his past let him think this was ok 

Girl made a mistake because now that boy will be the weird guy that sends duckface pictures 

Pero like, why?

I’m still wondering… 

-Bionica